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by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Biggest Lesson of the Year.

Last year, I shared a biggest lesson of the year. As I aim to do the same this year, I don’t even know where to start. The past almost year and a half has been a true test of my hope and my faith. I have been able to label behaviors, see them in action, recognize patterns, and truly identify what is within my capability to control. As a result, I deeply questioned my relationships, my purpose, and my worth.

I can’t even say I was shaken to my core, because my core was shaken too. It is soul crushing to feel your life has been turned completely upside down, with everything emptied out of it. But, there’s also an element of gratitude, because you know that you’re strength training, building resilience. You no longer live in ignorance. You just know that you are leveling up to a more meaningful and fulfilling life. And that comes with learning some really hard lessons along the way.

If you’ve been following along for a while, you know that I have a thing for language and communication. Some examples I’ve posted about in the past include:

You also know that I believe human connection is what gives us purpose, and the way we connect is through verbal and non-verbal communication. So what does it mean when our communications fail? We lose connection. Just like a dropped call.

Communication is far more complicated than we realize. We 💯 take it for granted. So many people do not say what they mean or mean what they say, and we, as a society, have accepted this as normal. 

My biggest lesson of the year piggybacks on top of that concept. It is something that we’ve heard over and over and over, but this year, it resonated with me so. damn. loudly. And it is that actions speak louder than words. 

Ooof. I cannot tell you how hard this hits for me right now – for multiple reasons. And one of those reasons is that I’m guilty of failing in this too. What’s worse – if I’m being completely honest, sometimes the failure is intentional, which means I didn’t have the courage to initially speak my truth. But there’s more. Sometimes actions can be misinterpreted too. 

See? Complicated.

Like, I recognize that I have hyper awareness around communication, so these things probably bother me way more than it bothers other people. But as communication senders, we have a responsibility to ensure our message is delivered to the receiver, as we intended. There’s also usually an actionable follow-up that occurs upon transmission, that we fail to implement.  

 Let me give you an example:

I used to have a boss who was no.tor.i.ous for not returning phone calls. Everyone chalked it up to it just being “the way he is.” But as this guy’s subordinate, I felt like I was pestering him. If I was calling him, it was because I needed help. I wasn’t just calling to shoot the shit. There was a purpose. By not calling me back, his action told me that the purpose that was important to me was not important to him. Why would I want to work for someone who doesn’t think what I do is important? Who doesn’t seem to think that I am important?

Minor shit like this happens all the time. Maybe I’m the only one who pays attention to these little things. But they add up to become big things. Do you think I talk to that boss anymore? No. We lost our connection.

A lot of what we think about ourselves is tied to the feedback we receive from the people around us. While I know that someone not returning a call isn’t necessarily tied to their feelings about me, there is a conscious or subconscious choice not to click my name when the missed call is seen. And that’s what gets me. Because in repeated behavior, at some point, the decision does become intentional. Then they are choosing not to make time for you. And if they don’t consider you worth your time, why should you consider them worth yours?

Granted, I’m speaking generally and all circumstances are different. I think we are more accepting of people’s shortcomings when we love them. And at work, we typically don’t have a choice but to deal with it. This is also why I think we have accepted it as normal to not mean what we say and say what we mean.

In 2024, I didn’t work much and I didn’t have romantic love in my life. For better or worse, I really got to pay attention to all the simple and subtle ways people fail to communicate. Even though I know it’s not truly a reflection of me, it became hard not to take the feedback personally due to the sheer frequency in which it occurs, by the same person or by many people.

My goal for 2025 is mixed. I want to go into with awareness, but not hyper awareness. I want to hold people accountable for what they say, but within reason. And I want to be more conscious of what I communicate and how I communicate, and I pray for the courage to vulnerably speak my truth.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Silver Linings in the Storm.

It’s been about 8 months since I’ve been here, writing from the heart. My break was not due to lack of content. While it is not unusual for me to be vulnerably honest in my struggles, I didn’t like the tone of what I was creating. I didn’t want it to sound as though I was crying out for help or attention. Because neither of those were the reality. 

The reality is something I had never experienced before. This past year has made me question a lot in my life. The people in it. My purpose. What is fulfilling. 

When I quit my job last year, I had a feeling my life was going to flourish. What I did not expect was for my world to implode. Initially, I did not consider that sometimes you have to tear the house down to its foundation in order to build it back better and stronger, more durable, and with a refreshed aesthetic. 

That’s what this last year has been. A slow, arduous tearing down of what I had created and what I had become. Not that any of it was bad, per se. But I’ve dug deeper than I’ve ever done, and I discovered many new things about myself and my life. You realize that you’ve been operating a certain way for so long, that you didn’t recognize there is a better way to function. 

More than that, I’ve somewhat enjoyed the solitude. Much of the noise has been blocked out, albeit, not by choice. While I would like to say it has allowed me to hear my own voice more loudly and clearly, that’s not really the case. My voice has been clouded by negativity, pessimism, and helplessness. 

As you know, I believe God gives us breadcrumbs, small clues that lead us down certain pathways to our future. Those breadcrumbs have led me down numerous roads with dead ends and detours. My future is seemingly moving forward through a process of elimination. It’s been a lot of disappointment, a lot of rejection, and a lot of insecurity. The journey has been a lot longer than anticipated, and I am tired. 

But I also know the only way out is to keep on going. I will continue to muster up strength, motivation, and confidence, because I do know that good things lie ahead. 

Don’t get me wrong, though, I can see silver linings in this storm. There are people who have stepped up. There have been valuable lessons learned. And more importantly, love has come my way once again.

by : lacylit10 Politics

Expectations vs. Reality in Public Service and Leadership

“Never trust a politician.” This was something I remember hearing growing up from nearly every elder in my family. With that firm belief tucked inside my brain, I never thought I would engage in politics as an adult. For better or worse, here I am, engaging with politics.

Essential Qualities of Effective Leaders

Begrudgingly, I have to give credit to those who choose to serve in public office. Just being on the peripheral, I find it to be, more often than not, infuriating and draining. There are many qualities that someone in a position of leadership should possess. Most leadership experts consider self-awareness to be the most critical. Empathy, humility and integrity are a few others.

In my experience working with local elected officials (and observation of state and federal officials), very few demonstrate all of these qualities. Many don’t seem to possess a single one. There are others who draw on certain leadership characteristics depending on the issue, the audience and the need. And while I would normally commend a leader for doing such, these characteristics should be demonstrated in continuity. The unpredictability of their leadership behaviors can be perceived as two-faced and untrustworthy, coming off as self-serving rather than others-serving.

Constituent Representation, Accountability

Politicians are elected by constituents. They report to the people. Seemingly, candidates view a majority vote as a popularity contest, a testament to how much they are liked. The victory inflates their ego, and they “serve” the people with very little meaningfully constructive feedback and essentially nonexistent disciplinary action. People look to them for help, and they tend to develop a bit of a “Savior Complex,”when it is not warranted or justified.

Even if I do not name names, I am not comfortable publicly sharing some of my negative experiences. They know who they are and what they have said or done to make me question their ability to be a competent and respected leader for our community. What is seemingly worse, though, is even that public admission may jeopardize my working relationship with them. Apparently, their conscience cannot handle the guilt. As I have learned from those who tried before me, retaliation does not necessarily come in the form of a denied project. But it can come in the form of stealth defamation or a refusal to take a meeting.

Where is their accountability?

At any level of government, when it becomes us versus them, I think it’s safe to assume who will win and which power will reign. But I think for some of us, it’s not so much about winning or losing. It’s not a matter of punishment or litigation (unless unlawful and unethical activity accounts for it). 

For me, at least, it comes down to those leadership characteristics. Tell the truth. Admit you’re wrong. Treat me with the same respect in which you expect to be treated. Don’t be condescending. Don’t lead me to believe one thing and then do another.

Balancing Public Service, Personal Integrity

Humble up and know your place. Put your ego aside and recognize that you have chosen to be a public servant. That requires taking criticism. It requires listening to a lot of opinions and juggling many different priorities. It requires talking to people you don’t like about subjects that make you uncomfortable.

It’s unfortunate that some of our most basic life lessons seemingly get forgotten once elected.

Also published in Noozhawk.

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Politics

Persuasion, Communication, and Our Moral Obligations

What does ancient Greek rhetoric have to do with today? Perhaps we don’t recognize it with its official title, as it is more commonly referred to as the art of persuasion. Often, when we learn or reflect on history, we don’t look at it through a lens of communication. However, different forms of communication and their advancements over time have helped contribute to significant societal downfalls, which makes it worth paying attention to.

In the early democratic cultures of Athens and Rome, citizens were afforded access to information and an open system of debate to prepare them for voting. But true to human nature, deceptive propaganda soon overwhelmed both cities, contributing to their collapse. The printing press allowed for mass production of books and newspapers, leading us to the Age of Enlightenment, and the democratic revolutions of the 18th century. In the 19th century, the penny press and telegraph geographically expanded information reach and stirred political debates, instilling fear and resentment across nations, setting the stage for World War I. Cinema and radio created accessible and essential platforms for European fascists to engulf democracy and turn it into totalitarianism. Television transformed politics, as representatives now had to worry about optics, branding and sound bites. And today, we are in the age of digital communication, on the verge of an artificial intelligence takeover.

In journalism school, we are taught rhetoric to motivate, inform or persuade our audience, which means almost anything we see, hear or read has an agenda (hidden or in plain view). We are also taught to consider our sources, and the validity of information spread.

Although I am educated in journalism, I am not a journalist. I don’t have to be objective in my work. But you should consider my background in what I argue. Since my passion and expertise lies within agriculture, I will (openly or discreetly) educate my audience with facts and data that support my pro-ag beliefs. Likewise, when studies are published or reports are made public, we have to dig deeper than what we see on the surface. Who funded the study? Who funded the organizations that funded the study? What are their beliefs? Background provides context and credibility to help us determine the agenda that may not always be at the forefront of what we read, see, or hear. (They call persuasion an art for a reason.)

Rhetoric originated sometime in the fifth century B.C. For well more than 2,000 years, we have been fighting misinformation, propaganda and the art of persuasion. As a society, I personally do not believe we are any better at filtering through the B.S. now than we were then. If anything, we spend less time thinking for ourselves and more time scanning through headlines, coming up with our own conclusions based on echo chamber inducing and attention-grabbing phrases rather than concrete fact and evidence. And with the sheer volume of information coming at us on a daily basis, who has the time or energy for background research on all of it anyway?

Psychologically speaking, information overload leads to confusion, indecisiveness, stress, anxiety and mental fatigue. Overuse of social media leads to feelings of inadequacy and lower self-worth. When there is excess, people tend to yearn for structure and stability. The same thing happens in democracy. Boundless freedom can degrade a society.

We have a responsibility to uphold moral and ethical behavior. Most people do not rob department stores or punch a stranger on the sidewalk because they have a conscience. Anyone who posts something on the world wide web is an active creator of media, using the platform to spread information, whether it be fact, fiction or opinion. Our failure to take responsibility for what we say or share online has turned the internet into a modern-day Wild West where free speech runs rampant. Seemingly, all conscientious, respectful and dutiful behavior goes out the window with the shields of our screens. 

Looking forward, there are two sayings that come to mind:

  • Those who do not learn from history are bound to repeat it.
  • It’s how you pick yourself up when you fall.

We are on the precipice of revolutionary change. Now more than ever before, normal people like you and I have been active participants in shaping our society via the numerous platforms available to exercise our First Amendment rights, and it has fundamentally transformed the landscape of our democracy. I can’t help but wonder, will we take responsibility for our contribution in the inevitable downfall? And will artificial intelligence be part of the digital age demise or the beginning of a new era of communication?

We may not be able to prevent communication advancements and anticipate their effects on our society and democracy, but we can learn from our past. If William Randolph Hearst could “furnish the war” with Cuba in 1898, then I am pretty confident media today can influence elections in 2024.

As published in Noozhawk.

by : lacylit10 Entrepreneurship, Life Lessons

The Humbling Kind of Hard.

“Choose your hard.” A phrase, I think, coined by Mel Robbins. While the obstacles we run into are typically not our choice, how we respond to those obstacles is within our control. 

A while back, I mentioned that I felt I was breaking when I quit my job. Several months later, that is more true now than it was then. 

I am not someone who typically makes unplanned decisions or doesn’t have a back-up plan. But I followed my intuition in that decision, and I know it was ultimately for the better. When everyone told me I was not going to have any trouble finding another job, I also knew that wasn’t going to be true. But I was certain that God was going to be doing some serious work in my life.

Although I did not know what to expect, I can’t say I was prepared for this. That’s just how He works, isn’t it? 

On many levels, my basic needs are not being met. I feel weak. I feel insecure. I feel vulnerable. I feel scared. Uncertain. Somedays, I feel pathetic and desperate. I feel withdrawn and lonely. I feel closed and distant. I feel trapped. Like, none of these are good or positive things to feel. And the more time goes on, the harder it is becoming not to fall into a pessimistic view and spiral into a depression.

Every once in a while, I do feel glimmers of hope and strength. But this weekend I was reminded of something I said way back in 2020. This is a mood I need to seriously lean into.

So, yesterday, I literally spent the entire day feeling sorry for myself. I can’t tell you how many times I broke into tears. I did a little bit of work, but I spent most of the day curled up on the couch binge watching Vanderpump Rules. I leaned into the bad and negative emotions hard. And it felt good to be unapologetically miserable. I didn’t have to put on a smile or a brave face for anyone. I didn’t have to be confident in selling my business services. I didn’t have to pretend to be anything else or feel anything else. I let myself feel as weak, vulnerable, and insecure as I possibly could.

I had been becoming more emotional over the past few weeks, because, I realized, I had been bottling up my emotions for too long. I needed a big, heavy, ugly cry. I needed to get it all out of my system so that I could have renewed strength to continue carrying on. 

I do, however, want to recognize that this experience hasn’t been all bad. I have had a lot of meetings with a lot of people. People are putting me in touch with others and word is spreading about what I am doing. A lot of people are helping me. A lot of people want to work with me. I’m not really getting “no”. But this has been a long process of meeting with a lot of people and not getting the “yes” answers that will replenish my needs.

The most recent obstacles of my past have been challenges. Obstacles to overcome in the effort to achieve or advance is one type of hard. When the obstacles you face stem from loss of basic needs, it’s a humbling type of hard. A stern reminder that the obstacles we face are not a choice, but how we respond to them is a test of our faith, our values, our morals, and our character.

This. is. only. temporary. I can choose to give up on this dream, continuing to avoid the magic or I can choose the hard that leads to belonging. If the first step is the hardest, then there’s no turning back now.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

When Hindsight is 20/20, and the Future is Bright.

A couple of months before I quit my job, I was talking to a friend about a friend. The friend I was talking about made a big, hairy, audacious decision (I’m tweaking “BHAG“), and her life flourished afterward. I explained that is how life is supposed to go. Things are supposed to fall into place when you’re making the right decisions. Under tears, I asked, “What are the right decisions that I’m not making?” Because both my work life and my personal life had gotten much harder. 

Going into the new job in 2021, I was aware of some reservations. Ultimately, I chose to listen to my head rather than my heart. And I was semi-conscious of that decision. I was coming to terms with things in my personal life, and I didn’t feel like I could 💯 trust what my emotions were telling me.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20. And I think blaming my emotions on certain issues I was dealing with personally was an excuse. Although that, I did not realize at the time. I thought I was being logical and rational.

It’s not a secret that my dream is to be a writer. While I do not think that is my immediate next step, the job I took wasn’t going to get me closer to that goal. That, I did know. But that job was everything I had been working for, and I’m glad I took it, because I would have regretted the “what if” if I didn’t take it. (And it got me closer to realizing what I do want.)

But I heard something on Instagram the other day that perfectly summarizes the uneasiness I felt in my soul.

The magic you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding.

My immediate reaction was, “FFFFFFFFFFFk.” If you know what I mean. I don’t know who said it. But it eloquently states what I absolutely knew was true.

I also read:

The only thing standing between you and your goal is the story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.

Jordan Belfort

What we see online makes everything look so easy. “Just go out and do it,” they say. (From people who have already done it and are successful at it. 🙄) I think that’s what I painfully enjoy about expressing my fears and insecurities here. You may have saw me excitedly post about my new business on Instagram, but inside, I felt sick to my stomach taking that step and declaring my next move. I want you to know that. I don’t want to live in smoke and mirrors.

Taking the leap of faith to find magic comes with less in some ways and more in others. As Mel Robbins says, “Choose your hard.”

And I have reached a place where I am tired of telling myself I can’t do it. I am tired of making excuses. I am tired of listening to my head when it’s not aligned with my heart. I am tired of letting what other people project onto me infiltrate my thoughts and instill doubt when I am confident in what I can do (and will do).

It irritates TF out of me when people tell you not to wait until you’re retired to enjoy your life. When they say, “Life is too short to do things that make you unhappy.” Then you make decisions to give you that freedom, that happiness, and that fulfillment, and they’re all like, “Ohhh, are you sure you want to do that?”

For the first time in a long time, my response to them will now be a deadpan, “Yes.”

I am certain this is what I want to do. I no longer want to allow other people to instill (more and unsolicited) doubt and insecurity in my life, when they do not have the courage to make BHADs themselves. So, while I hope to shamelessly project confidence as I move forward on this venture, you’ll know my secret: that I am choosing the hard that makes my dream come true. And I am doing it with fear, every step of the way.