by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Silver Linings in the Storm.

It’s been about 8 months since I’ve been here, writing from the heart. My break was not due to lack of content. While it is not unusual for me to be vulnerably honest in my struggles, I didn’t like the tone of what I was creating. I didn’t want it to sound as though I was crying out for help or attention. Because neither of those were the reality. 

The reality is something I had never experienced before. This past year has made me question a lot in my life. The people in it. My purpose. What is fulfilling. 

When I quit my job last year, I had a feeling my life was going to flourish. What I did not expect was for my world to implode. Initially, I did not consider that sometimes you have to tear the house down to its foundation in order to build it back better and stronger, more durable, and with a refreshed aesthetic. 

That’s what this last year has been. A slow, arduous tearing down of what I had created and what I had become. Not that any of it was bad, per se. But I’ve dug deeper than I’ve ever done, and I discovered many new things about myself and my life. You realize that you’ve been operating a certain way for so long, that you didn’t recognize there is a better way to function. 

More than that, I’ve somewhat enjoyed the solitude. Much of the noise has been blocked out, albeit, not by choice. While I would like to say it has allowed me to hear my own voice more loudly and clearly, that’s not really the case. My voice has been clouded by negativity, pessimism, and helplessness. 

As you know, I believe God gives us breadcrumbs, small clues that lead us down certain pathways to our future. Those breadcrumbs have led me down numerous roads with dead ends and detours. My future is seemingly moving forward through a process of elimination. It’s been a lot of disappointment, a lot of rejection, and a lot of insecurity. The journey has been a lot longer than anticipated, and I am tired. 

But I also know the only way out is to keep on going. I will continue to muster up strength, motivation, and confidence, because I do know that good things lie ahead. 

Don’t get me wrong, though, I can see silver linings in this storm. There are people who have stepped up. There have been valuable lessons learned. And more importantly, love has come my way once again.

by : lacylit10 Entrepreneurship, Life Lessons

The Humbling Kind of Hard.

“Choose your hard.” A phrase, I think, coined by Mel Robbins. While the obstacles we run into are typically not our choice, how we respond to those obstacles is within our control. 

A while back, I mentioned that I felt I was breaking when I quit my job. Several months later, that is more true now than it was then. 

I am not someone who typically makes unplanned decisions or doesn’t have a back-up plan. But I followed my intuition in that decision, and I know it was ultimately for the better. When everyone told me I was not going to have any trouble finding another job, I also knew that wasn’t going to be true. But I was certain that God was going to be doing some serious work in my life.

Although I did not know what to expect, I can’t say I was prepared for this. That’s just how He works, isn’t it? 

On many levels, my basic needs are not being met. I feel weak. I feel insecure. I feel vulnerable. I feel scared. Uncertain. Somedays, I feel pathetic and desperate. I feel withdrawn and lonely. I feel closed and distant. I feel trapped. Like, none of these are good or positive things to feel. And the more time goes on, the harder it is becoming not to fall into a pessimistic view and spiral into a depression.

Every once in a while, I do feel glimmers of hope and strength. But this weekend I was reminded of something I said way back in 2020. This is a mood I need to seriously lean into.

So, yesterday, I literally spent the entire day feeling sorry for myself. I can’t tell you how many times I broke into tears. I did a little bit of work, but I spent most of the day curled up on the couch binge watching Vanderpump Rules. I leaned into the bad and negative emotions hard. And it felt good to be unapologetically miserable. I didn’t have to put on a smile or a brave face for anyone. I didn’t have to be confident in selling my business services. I didn’t have to pretend to be anything else or feel anything else. I let myself feel as weak, vulnerable, and insecure as I possibly could.

I had been becoming more emotional over the past few weeks, because, I realized, I had been bottling up my emotions for too long. I needed a big, heavy, ugly cry. I needed to get it all out of my system so that I could have renewed strength to continue carrying on. 

I do, however, want to recognize that this experience hasn’t been all bad. I have had a lot of meetings with a lot of people. People are putting me in touch with others and word is spreading about what I am doing. A lot of people are helping me. A lot of people want to work with me. I’m not really getting “no”. But this has been a long process of meeting with a lot of people and not getting the “yes” answers that will replenish my needs.

The most recent obstacles of my past have been challenges. Obstacles to overcome in the effort to achieve or advance is one type of hard. When the obstacles you face stem from loss of basic needs, it’s a humbling type of hard. A stern reminder that the obstacles we face are not a choice, but how we respond to them is a test of our faith, our values, our morals, and our character.

This. is. only. temporary. I can choose to give up on this dream, continuing to avoid the magic or I can choose the hard that leads to belonging. If the first step is the hardest, then there’s no turning back now.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Present, Mindful, and Intentional.

There are six posts sitting in my drafts that I’ve written since my last published post just over a month ago. Meaning: my thoughts are all over the place. Israel is at war. Taylor Swift is in another relationship. Matthew Perry died. Newsom went to China. Britney Spears released her memoir. There was a mass shooting and manhunt in Maine.

What a time to be alive. And I’m only saying that half sarcastically.

Things in my life are moving a bit slower than what appears to be happening in the outside world. While I still have stresses, it’s been quite refreshing to take time off. It feels like everything I’ve learned about myself and about others is settling in. I don’t need so much time to sit back and process things, as I feel like I’m actually living more moment to moment. Which is kind of surreal.

It’s the ultimate, right? To be present and mindful. I can be more intentional about where I exert my energy, because I don’t have a job essentially guaranteed to consume it. But I miss working. I miss the purpose and fulfillment it brings. I miss interacting with others. I miss feeling accomplished each day. And while I do have a few exciting things in the works, I miss the structure and routine of a daily role.

When I quit my job, I said it felt like I was breaking, like the rug was pulled out from beneath me and I fell to the floor. Someone said to me that I was basically being dramatic, and that simply one chapter was closing for another to open.

I actually think both are true.

The job I left was the job I had been working years toward obtaining. The more knowledge I sought, the more experience I gained, the more confident I got, the more eager I became. Through the progression, I was aware that I was fulfilling my potential and I wanted to see where it could take me. But I don’t see leaving as a failure.

We hear of CEO’s quitting their positions and starting something new all the time. They want more time, with their families, for extracurricular activities. They want more flexibility in their schedule, more freedom. But we never see them in the in-between stage. We see them as the CEO; they seemingly disappear, then we see them confidently and excitedly promoting their next venture as an entrepreneur. We don’t see the transition phase of leaving one and starting the other. And I wish we would/could.

This phase is hard. In many ways, you are starting over. On the other hand, in many ways, you are not. You are grieving the life you had planned. You are excited and scared. Uncertain, yet confident. You have to be very intentional with who you lean on for support. You learn who truly cares about you and believes in you, and that comes with a whole other set of emotions when you realize who does not. Who is talk, and who is action.

Over the last couple of years, I’ve written several times about feeling on the verge of big changes. (Mastered. Branding. Precipice. Transformational Change.) This one feels different. I can’t explain it. And I don’t know that I want to. At least, right now. I kinda just want to take it in. I want to feel all of the emotions that are coming with it.

There is so much going on in the outside world, and I am feeling quite grateful that I’m not being consumed by the fast-paced-ness of it all. I think my body is getting some much needed rest to prepare me for what is to come.