by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Gratitude.

Life has been really F’ing hard lately. It feels like I have been rolling with punch after punch, that I haven’t even had the opportunity to indulge in a little “woe is me.”

While I’ve been surface-level complaining, I haven’t been able to process deeply. I haven’t been alone or free long enough to really meditate in those negative emotions. Because. life. is. cray. I have so much on my plate. I heard that sometimes upon graduation, students think that they are going to go out and celebrate their independence, but they all end up getting sick instead. Their bodies go into survival mode to get them through, and once it is over, the body is like “No, chick. Our celebration is lying in bed all day, not drinking mimosas by the pool.” I anticipate this happening to me. 😂😬

I am fully in survival mode. And there is something strange about realizing it.

While I was technically on vacation for two weeks, the time that I wasn’t in BFE was spent doing homework. And I was still checking emails every time I strolled into service, because I really don’t have qualified back up at work. (Food safety is seriously specialized.🙄) Returning to work was like I never left.

After two break downs in three days, I reached out to some friends. While we caught up visiting, I was also able to divulge some of my struggles. This got me thinking about my post on support, because they lifted me up. I felt supported. But I was also like, but, they didn’t do anything. They were just there for me and listened. And I realized, that. is. the. action. Their words of encouragement were just icing on the supportive cake.

It’s funny too, because that same day I was talking to someone else about a gratitude journal. I told him that I had started one a long time ago when I was going through a hard time. But I stopped, because the things that I was thankful for became, “I woke up. I didn’t get in a car accident. I have my health.” And while, yes, these are things to be grateful for, I was missing the point. It was generic gratitude, not purposeful gratitude. I wasn’t actually feeling grateful for those things. I was going through the motions.

So I stopped the gratitude journal. I realized that some days good things, (beyond the normal good things), just don’t happen. Of course, I am grateful for my existence, my health, my safety, and that of my family and friends. That goes without question.

Yesterday, I finally got a pre-harvest assessment I had been requesting from a harvest supervisor. And it was wrong.😖 I was like, okay, but, at least I got the pre-harvest assessment. That should be something to be grateful for. These are the things I would write in the gratitude journal. But these are silver linings. It’s optimism, not gratitude. It’s not the same.

When I got home and had time to reflect on my day, my friendships, and my network, I truly felt grateful. I am surrounded by good people who believe in me. That is awesome. I am so. damn. lucky.

But let’s be real, it didn’t make me feel any better about my situation, my circumstances, or my problems. Those didn’t magically disappear. I’m in the midst of some life changes. There is still turbulence. This is still survival mode. But their support and encouragement just doused the fire to keep me moving forward.

Truly, it is amazing how small gestures of kindness can impact people’s lives. I’m sure my friends had no idea how an hour of their time made me feel so. much. better. about myself and my ability to continue persevering. They say that it is calm in the eye of the storm. 🌪 When you are surrounded by chaos, reach out to those who keep you grounded.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Support.

Support is defined as “bear all or part of the weight of” and “give assistance to.” Support. requires. action. So why do so many people think that simply saying, “I support you” is supportive? 😒 Then have you ever had someone support you with actual help in a task, and then they ask, “What more do you want from me?” when you feel the supportive action wasn’t enough?

Here is how I picture it:

Each person is a railroad engineer. All of your forward progression adds another rail car, whether it be home responsibilities, work tasks, familial obligations, and even hobbies (because sometimes those become obligations when you are feeling overwhelmed). Some people can sustain hauling that weight for long periods of time, others need rest stops or a tow once in a while. The problem is that no one can see how long the train is except for the person who is hauling the load.

Some have better engines. Some are better engineers. Some can haul more weight. Some are carrying heavier loads in less cars. Sometimes external factors change the environment that affect the performance, and sometimes adding one more rail car can break. the. train. down.

Paul Zak says that what we do at work and at home feedback on each other, and we shouldn’t pretend that it doesn’t. Using our railroad analogy, we cannot unhinge a work car from in between a family car and a health car while sitting on a single track.

If our natural inclination is to serve others before self, then why is offering support something that does not seem to come naturally? Sometimes offering support doesn’t even come in the form of work. Sometimes, it’s just being empathetic and compassionate, making that person feel seen and heard. Support can be simple gestures of appreciation. Support looks different to different people, but it all requires action.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

The Bar.

Everyone has an opinion on my love life.  And as much as I hate it, I also appreciate that so many people care about me and my happiness.  But I get a lot of commentary that needs to be drowned out, mostly, because very few people actually know me truly well enough to have a valid opinion.

Many of these comments have to do with my expectations, and that I’ve set the bar too high.  Every time I hear one of these comments, it really bothers me.  Even when said in a joking manner, it bums me out. 😔 

I am so fortunate to have incredible men in my life.  From my dad, to my grandpas, to each of my uncles, and to our lifelong family friend who is the closest thing I have to a brother.  Not to mention, my brother-in-law and several guy friends. These men want the best for me and care for my well-being.

Then there’s my dad’s friends, the ones he grew up with or the ones he goes hunting with.  Some may be a little rough around the edges, but they have been good, loyal friends to my dad.  They care about our family, and I know any one of them would be there should we ever need their help.

I also have hunting buddies, men I volunteer with, men I learn with, men who advise me on leadership and business, men I work with – all of these men have good hearts, a good work ethic, a good sense of humor; they are kind, generous, smart, and caring gentlemen.

My bar is not set on community involvement, on social status, or whatever other superficial quality you want to try and call me out on.  Yeah, these things may play a role in my dream guy, but I also know that what I want and what I may get can be totally different people.  There are very few men who pique my interest enough to even want to give my time to. Don’t shut down my hopes that there’s at least one good one still out there.

Realistically, my bar is set based on the men I am surrounded by.  It is set by their character, their charisma, their ethics, their morals, their values, and their chivalrous behavior.  Telling me that my bar is set too high is discounting the quality of men that I am so. damn. lucky. to have in my life. 

And because a lot of times it is these very men that are teasing me that my bar is set too high:

Don’t sell yourself so short!  Be proud of who you are, because I sure am. Until the time is right, God gave me the strength to endure this journey alone. I’m okay with that. I would much rather fly solo than settle for someone who does not measure up to the standard you have proven me worthy. Each of you have shown me qualities of a good man, and I am so grateful to call you friends, mentors, and family. 💕

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by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Friends & Family.

People never cease to amaze me – and today, I mean that in a good way! Over the past several years, I’ve grown a part from many friends and have gained many others. It doesn’t mean that I think less of those friends I don’t see or speak to often, it means that our lives have taken different directions.

As 2019 comes to a close, I think of all of that’s changed. They say that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. As I reflect on my friendships, old and new, I understand why these people have come and gone (or stayed) in my life. Some I expect to reconnect with once our lives re-align. Others, I recognize our time together has passed.

The thing about family though is that even when you grow a part, you are still tied together. While my professional life has taken turns that I never expected, my personal life has stayed pretty constant. Over the past several years, I’ve seen cousins marry and have children, grow in their careers and quit unhappy jobs. We’ve had health scares and hospital visits. We’ve celebrated life and mourned it as well.

I was talking to my brother-in-law a couple of weeks ago, and he said, “People don’t get our family.” I laughed. The Litten Compound is full of adventure. Between the nighttime flashlight and .22 meet-ups, the trophy photos of gophers and moles and skunks and possums and raccoons, to the rain gauge water thefts and falling trees, there is rarely a dull moment.

That adventure follows us Litten’s wherever we go. We have an amazing support system of loving and caring friends and family that thankfully find our lifestyle entertaining and choose to be part of it. But if I’m being honest, it’s taken me time to appreciate the quirks, and the changes.

I’m learning to embrace the changes and the uniqueness of our dynamic group, and it has me feeling incredibly proud of the adults my cousins have grown into, grateful that we can still depend on one another, and thankful that we’ve been raised the way we were. Looking around my social circle, I’m in disbelief that these intelligent, outgoing, motivated, and good-humored people include me in their ranks.

You are who you surround yourself with, so look around. There is so much to be thankful this holiday season.