by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Silver Linings in the Storm.

It’s been about 8 months since I’ve been here, writing from the heart. My break was not due to lack of content. While it is not unusual for me to be vulnerably honest in my struggles, I didn’t like the tone of what I was creating. I didn’t want it to sound as though I was crying out for help or attention. Because neither of those were the reality. 

The reality is something I had never experienced before. This past year has made me question a lot in my life. The people in it. My purpose. What is fulfilling. 

When I quit my job last year, I had a feeling my life was going to flourish. What I did not expect was for my world to implode. Initially, I did not consider that sometimes you have to tear the house down to its foundation in order to build it back better and stronger, more durable, and with a refreshed aesthetic. 

That’s what this last year has been. A slow, arduous tearing down of what I had created and what I had become. Not that any of it was bad, per se. But I’ve dug deeper than I’ve ever done, and I discovered many new things about myself and my life. You realize that you’ve been operating a certain way for so long, that you didn’t recognize there is a better way to function. 

More than that, I’ve somewhat enjoyed the solitude. Much of the noise has been blocked out, albeit, not by choice. While I would like to say it has allowed me to hear my own voice more loudly and clearly, that’s not really the case. My voice has been clouded by negativity, pessimism, and helplessness. 

As you know, I believe God gives us breadcrumbs, small clues that lead us down certain pathways to our future. Those breadcrumbs have led me down numerous roads with dead ends and detours. My future is seemingly moving forward through a process of elimination. It’s been a lot of disappointment, a lot of rejection, and a lot of insecurity. The journey has been a lot longer than anticipated, and I am tired. 

But I also know the only way out is to keep on going. I will continue to muster up strength, motivation, and confidence, because I do know that good things lie ahead. 

Don’t get me wrong, though, I can see silver linings in this storm. There are people who have stepped up. There have been valuable lessons learned. And more importantly, love has come my way once again.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

New Beginnings.

I quit my job on Friday. In a move that will seem abrupt to, well, basically everyone, it was a decision that was needed and a rather long time coming. I’m still a little in shock, so I’m turning to the place that always brings me comfort in processing my emotions.

As I anticipate what kind of remarks I will hear when people find out, I think it really comes down to one thing: I listened to what my mind, body, and soul were telling me and acted accordingly. Was it risky? Yeah. Am I scared? Yeah. Do I feel good about it? Eh. I’m not 💯 there yet. But I do know that my head and my heart were not aligned, and it wasn’t going to be a position I (or the company) could thrive in because of that.

Part of me is grieving the future I thought I had figured out. The other part of me feels exhilarated by the limitless possibilities before me.

When I think about the things that truly bring me joy and fulfillment, it wasn’t in the work I was doing. I know a lot of people are going to say, “Work is work.” Then you have others who say, “When you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.” Well, I don’t know who is right, but I’d like to believe the ladder is true.

That position is what I’ve been working toward. It was everything I thought I wanted. Over the last two years, I learned, I want more out of a job and more out of my life. In my gut, I know that I. can. have. it. all. I know it. And now I have more clarity on what I do and do not need to help me achieve everything I want. How cool is that?

A lot of people settle in their roles. They settle for the job, the money, the notoriety, or whatever it may be, and they either knowingly or unknowingly suffer because of it. For the better, I am too self-aware to know when something isn’t right. And with this decision, I proved to myself that I have the courage to make bold moves.

Back in December of 2021, two months after I started the new job, I wrote that I was content with my new role and that I no longer desired to be a writer. I lied. To you and to myself. Here I am, writing, a blog post I started less than 24 hours after I made one of the biggest decisions of my life. This is my happy place.

Leadership is somewhat counterintuitive. People think it is about serving others before serving oneself, but it is actually about knowing yourself and caring for yourself, first, in order to bring your best self to serve others. I had been neglecting myself, and it began to show in more ways than one.

I don’t know what my next move will be. It’s exciting, nerve-racking, a bit stressful, and a bit liberating. But I do believe that God has a plan. I believe that with risk comes reward. I believe that good things come when you follow your heart. And I believe that when things are right, they fall into place. So, while I can admit that I am having a hard time trusting the process, I do believe that this unexpected journey is taking me where I am supposed to go.

What brings me comfort in all of this is that I have been seeking a closer relationship with God. It’s ironic how He works, isn’t it?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Stay tuned…✨✨

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Rise Above.

Lately, I’ve been having a hard time keeping my mouth shut.  Having made sacrifices for people who don’t acknowledge or appreciate how I’m hurting myself for their benefit has been tolling.  So badly, I want to just yell at them and say, “You did this!  You didn’t do that!  You are this way!  It is your problem!”  I’ve had to muster up a lot of strength to not blame and shame.  

In the age of social media, moving on from people who have hurt us can be difficult.  With each post that pops up on our feed, it is a painful reminder of what could have, should have, was or isn’t.  Being the stubborn person that I am, I refuse to unfollow.  I don’t want to give that person satisfaction to know I am still hurting.  (If it’s even noticed. 🙄)  I’m trying to acknowledge our lives go on and be happy for that person separate from me, (because deep down I know it’s for the best).  Still, a bitter taste resides in my mouth.  I think of all the self-work it’s taken me to accept what is, only to see them rather easily and happily moving on without me.  I must not have been as important to them as they were to me.

But I know this isn’t true.  They could easily say the same about me.  What we see on social media is curated.  I don’t post my dark days online and neither do most other people.  

Sometimes we forget that these unhappy reminders happen IRL too.  We run into someone we’ve parted with in the most unexpected of places.  We stumble through awkward hellos and good to see yous only for it to remind us of the good times we had that have now been lost.  We walk away feeling melancholy, possibly in a bit of shock, and ultimately try to collect ourselves from the social-emotional connection wall we just hit.  Whether the demise of the relationship was good or bad often seems irrelevant in these situations.  At some point, this person was important to us, and our memory almost automatically floods with feelings of good.  We have to remind ourselves that the relationship ended for a reason, and that we are better off a part.

Reminders of relationships past are almost unavoidable.  Some relationships end, and you will eventually run into that person again.  Some relationships end, and the relationship takes a different form.  Some relationships end, and you will never see or hear of that person again.  Some relationships end, and your world will never be the same without them.

When a relationship is lost due to death, sometimes the reminders of this person comes in all of these forms: A memory pops up on our Facebook feed; an old acquaintance you run into asks how that person is doing; and a possessional item holds significant emotional value.  

It is the people we connect with that brings meaning and purpose to our lives.  When relationships end, the fulfillment brought to our lives from that person does not diminish too.  We have learned and grown from that person, that relationship, and that brings a deeper purpose to our being after the relationship, just as it did during the relationship.

Sometimes, we have to let go of relationships before we feel ready; our head and our heart can be in two different places.  This is when it’s hard to accept ambiguity in closure.  I think seeking closure is a lot like seeking an apology.  We want someone else to take responsibility for their part.  When they fail to recognize how they’ve contributed to the problem or the demise of the relationship, we have to rise above our lower self.  We have to resist the urge to say, “You did this!  You didn’t do that!  You are this way!  It is your problem!”

But let’s be real, this can be really F’ing hard.

What we need to remember is that there isn’t always an immediately better view when we take the high road. The terrain may actually be steeper and more difficult to navigate. The journey can be longer.

We were put on this planet to serve one another. Sure, it may be easier to stoop to a lower level. But stooping to that level of answering blame with blame and shame with same isn’t making the situation better for anyone. The other person may not have the emotional strength and intelligence to rise above their lower self. While we may not immediately feel better rising above our lower self, it’s actually putting a stop to the blame and shame cycle – which is better for everyone in the long run. ✨

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Appreciation.

Life has been an uphill climb lately.  And yeah, I’ve been complaining.  It’s natural, right? 😬 But I also recognize that you don’t reach a peak of the mountain without first walking through the valley.  

For the past 4 months, it has literally been one thing after another, and it’s taken me on an emotional roller coaster.  There have been essentially 7 significant events that have each taken me down a notch (or several). 

While I’ve been able to lean on people who care about me for support, there is still something missing that’s left me feeling unfulfilled.  So, I’ve been doing what I do: completely analyzing these situations to find the root of what has me feeling defeated and less than.

And here’s that I think it comes down to: appreciation.  We all have this innate desire to feel seen and heard.  And while I have received “thank you” or “I appreciate you” comments, some haven’t felt truly genuine, nor has the appreciation equated to the toll each situation has taken on me.  The scale is still weighed more negatively. 

Psychological research has shown that when people are perpetually in a situation where they are ignored, this causes real emotional pain, and that in turn will cause physical problems caused by the stress of being ignored on an ongoing basis.

(source)

If I’m being honest, this is where I feel I am.  It’s not that I feel I’ve been completely ignored, but I don’t feel I’ve been truly seen either.  What’s more is that a few of these situations have prompted me to re-evaluate relationships, adding to the feelings of loneliness and loss.  Not only am I enduring the stress of each situation compounded, but also the stress of not feeling seen or heard in each situation compounded.  

But I can’t recognize this problem without also finding a solution.

This made me think about the 5 Love Languages.  How someone expresses love is essentially the same way he or she express appreciation.  If we can apply this to romantic relationships, why wouldn’t the same concept apply to professional relationships too?

Turns out, the same people who wrote the 5 Love Languages also wrote a book about the 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.  And you know what?  They’re the same!  (I’m really not that surprised by this. 😏)  Here’s what appreciation in the workplace looks like:

  1. Gifts – Lunch or a bonus
  2. Acts of Service – Actions speak louder than words (actual help)
  3. Quality Time – Undivided attention (real active listening)
  4. Words of Affirmation – Expression of genuine gratitude
  5. Physical Touch – Strong handshake or pat on the back

My mentor gave me quality time and words of affirmation. She validated my feelings and encouraged me to make some moves. The friend who avoided our conversation left me feeling ignored and unappreciated. One made me feel seen and heard (in limited capacity) while the other definitely did not.

Receiving appreciation in any capacity is external and not within my control.  I can’t force someone to genuinely and authentically show me they care.  I think that’s what makes it so meaningful when someone does. But it also comes back to recognizing small wins, because we don’t always receive appreciation in grand gestures.