by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Loneliness.

Why is it that loneliness seems to be an unacceptable sentiment in our society? Is it because we are social animals, and so long as we are around people we shouldn’t be lonely? What I think is ironic about this is that I’m willing to bet WAY more people feel lonely than are willing to admit. (And I’m not a gambler, I am that confident with my odds here.)

People tend to generalize emotions. I am victim of this too. I recently talked to a mentor/friend, and she said to me, “Lacy, you keep coming back to the injustices.” Internally, I was like, “Cool”, 😒 (in one ear and out the other), and kept explaining to her what I was going through and the circumstances of the situation. She repeated herself, “Lacy, you keep coming back to the injustices.”

There are underlying themes around our feelings. Here are a few examples:

  • Unmet expectations = Disappointment
  • Wanting what someone else has = Envy
  • Impending danger = Fear
  • Achieving a goal = Joy

What my mentor/friend was getting at was that I was using all of these examples to explain the emotion that I couldn’t just name, but I wasn’t even aware yet that I was feeling! 🤦🏻‍♀️

  • Injustice = Anger

She was right. I was angry over this issue. With each explanation, I was implying that the situation and circumstances weren’t fair to me. And I didn’t even realize it. Sometimes, we are so invested that we are not objective. This is when our social connections become critical. (More on that a few paragraphs down.)

My point is that so. many. people communicate the underlying theme of loneliness without identifying the true emotion.

Former Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy believes that loneliness is a public health concern:

A root cause and contributor to many of the epidemics sweeping the world today from alcohol and drug addition to violence to depression and anxiety.

There are 3 Dimensions of Loneliness:

  1. Intimate – emotional connection: a deep bond of affection and trust
  2. Relational – social connections: quality friendships and support
  3. Collective – community connections: network of common interests or purpose

If you are feeling lonely, chances are your tank is running low on one (or more) of these connections. My mentor/friend fulfilled a relational need to get me through a difficult situation.

I cannot emphasize enough that humans are social creatures that depend on one another. These connections are critical to our function.

Looking at this through the lens of pandemic, it is likely that you are feeling lonely. Admittedly, I am. My tank is currently running low on all 3 dimensions. FaceTime does not replace face time.

There is no shame in the admission of loneliness or any other emotion society conceives as “bad.” This pandemic is going to have lasting effects on our psyches. Self-awareness is imperative, and our ability to identify our emotions will help us get through this thing long-term. ☀️

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Melancholy.

Melancholy is defined as a “depression of spirits” or a “pensive mood.”  I want to focus on the former definition, because I feel like that’s exactly what we’re experiencing as humans right now.  At least, I am.

In Brené Brown’s new podcast, she talks with David Kessler on grief and finding meaning.  Kessler says that grief comes after loss.  That loss can be anything of significance to the individual.  He points out that during this pandemic, we could list a 100 different things that we have lost: our social lives, our ability to converge in public, physical touch (as simple as a handshake), and the big one: the world as we knew it.

The world as we knew it no longer exists.  That. Is. HUGE. 🤯  And he is right.  It no longer exists and will not exist as we knew it for the foreseeable future, if ever.  You guys. 😳 That is some heavy stuff to take in.

If we breakdown the definition of melancholy:

  • Depression = sadness
  • Spirit = temper, disposition, or essence

This makes so. much. sense. to me.  I’ll explain why in a minute.

But first, on COVID:

Some of us haven’t bought into the hype. Some of us think this is media manipulation and a ploy to take down Trump’s economy.  On the other hand, some of us truly believe in the dangers and efforts to prevent.  Some of us are genuinely concerned about the risk.  And there are some of us that fall somewhere in the middle. 

No matter where you stand on the COVID belief scale, all of us are making an effort to do what we feel in our hearts is right.  Whether that is going to the grocery store without a mask or putting on a hazmat suit to visit the doctor’s office, each of us is navigating through this in our own way.

Outwardly, we are putting on brave faces.  We are being strong for those around us.  We are trying to lift each other up.  No matter our beliefs on COVID, we are trying to protect each other as a community, as we individually see fit.  But inwardly, we are mourning the loss of the world as we knew it. 

The positivity that is emitting from this pandemic has surprised me.  While I think it’s amazing the way people are coming together to spread joy and appreciation, part of me is concerned that we are masking our grief and not coping with our losses.  But I’m not judging that either.  I think so many of us are merely just trying to get through this thing with some sanity.

In the meantime, we are living in purgatory.  We are trying to lift others up, because we are feeling down.  We are trying to bring happiness to others, because our spirits are sad. 

We can only put on a brave face for so long, so give yourself permission to feel what you feel.  The sooner we own it and feel it, the quicker we can work through it.  We get through purgatory by cleansing our souls of the impurities.  Indulge in self-care, friends.  Lord knows we need it, and we’ve earned it. 💖