by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Silver Linings in the Storm.

It’s been about 8 months since I’ve been here, writing from the heart. My break was not due to lack of content. While it is not unusual for me to be vulnerably honest in my struggles, I didn’t like the tone of what I was creating. I didn’t want it to sound as though I was crying out for help or attention. Because neither of those were the reality. 

The reality is something I had never experienced before. This past year has made me question a lot in my life. The people in it. My purpose. What is fulfilling. 

When I quit my job last year, I had a feeling my life was going to flourish. What I did not expect was for my world to implode. Initially, I did not consider that sometimes you have to tear the house down to its foundation in order to build it back better and stronger, more durable, and with a refreshed aesthetic. 

That’s what this last year has been. A slow, arduous tearing down of what I had created and what I had become. Not that any of it was bad, per se. But I’ve dug deeper than I’ve ever done, and I discovered many new things about myself and my life. You realize that you’ve been operating a certain way for so long, that you didn’t recognize there is a better way to function. 

More than that, I’ve somewhat enjoyed the solitude. Much of the noise has been blocked out, albeit, not by choice. While I would like to say it has allowed me to hear my own voice more loudly and clearly, that’s not really the case. My voice has been clouded by negativity, pessimism, and helplessness. 

As you know, I believe God gives us breadcrumbs, small clues that lead us down certain pathways to our future. Those breadcrumbs have led me down numerous roads with dead ends and detours. My future is seemingly moving forward through a process of elimination. It’s been a lot of disappointment, a lot of rejection, and a lot of insecurity. The journey has been a lot longer than anticipated, and I am tired. 

But I also know the only way out is to keep on going. I will continue to muster up strength, motivation, and confidence, because I do know that good things lie ahead. 

Don’t get me wrong, though, I can see silver linings in this storm. There are people who have stepped up. There have been valuable lessons learned. And more importantly, love has come my way once again.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Finding A Place to Shine.

The last ten to fifteen years have been some of the most influential of my life. I overcame depression, finished an associate’s degree, bachelor’s degree, and master’s degree. I began my career in agriculture, which propelled me into all sorts of things I never expected for my life. At some point, I put my head down and just went with it. While there were definitely moments of reflection and self-discovery, there was never any real pause. Which has been one of the biggest blessings in this time off.

But as you know, I believe contentment is what we should strive for to lead a healthy and fulfilling life. With the good, there is bad.

I am seemingly acutely aware that I am not just in a transitional phase, but on the brink of a pivotal shift in my life. I am coming to terms with certain realities that kept surfacing in which I have consistently tried to ignore and avoid. I have been clear with my expectations, and I have set boundaries. I have given others time to adjust. I feel that this time is giving my mind, body, and soul the rest it needs to muster up the strength and courage to make life-changing decisions. And it’s scary AF.

My homepage talks about belonging. Belonging is being true to ourselves, which is not something I think we ever truly achieve. Perhaps, that is the journey. As long as we continually grow, adapt, and open our minds and our hearts, we will constantly rediscover who we are with new information and new experiences. Being true to ourselves requires regular reflection, attention, and action.

A lot of the unhappiness I experienced over the last couple of years is because my head and my heart were not aligned. I let my head lead the way, and my heart reluctantly followed. As I move forward, I am really trying to move forward with my heart first. However, that direction comes with less. Less security. Less certainty. Less support. And maybe that is the test. The Lord will provide. Right?

Easier said than done though. All of it. Following your heart. Living authentically. Being true to yourself. Believing. Having faith. And maybe I’m just overthinking it all. But doesn’t thinking have to go into it to live intentionally, purposefully, and meaningfully? Maybe it doesn’t. I don’t know. 🤷🏻‍♀️

What I do know is that the decisions that will soon be before me have the potential to change the trajectory of my life, if I am brave enough to follow my heart. Part of me feels like I am putting an undue amount of pressure on myself. But at the same time, I can’t change what I feel or ignore it. And I feel that big things are on the horizon. I will just continue to pray that I know the “right” choices when they are presented.

So much of my identity was based around my career, and my cousin said something very wise about it. She said, “A job doesn’t make you who you are. It just gives you a place to shine.” So here’s 🥂 to learning to shine on my own.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Happiness.

Philosophers caution against focusing on happiness as the ultimate good in life, and I tend to agree.  Happiness is subjective; it’s not a constant.  I think we’ve put happiness on this unobtainable pedestal. It’s something that we haven’t actually defined for ourselves as individuals, and we strive for an unrealistic, curated ideal (however it is we perceive that ideal).  Basically, we really don’t even know what we are searching for. 

What we talk about in our culture as happiness is really kind of a revved-up version of happiness. It’s a high-energy [state] — scientists call it a high-arousal positive affect. It’s a feeling, it’s transient, it’s not quality of life, it’s not so many things.

Dr. Laurie Helgoe, The Introvert Entrepreneur

Happiness is an emotion, and emotions are fleeting.  I think a more realistic target for measuring good in life is our overall well-being.

Research has determined 6 dimensions of well-being.  People rank either high or low (defined as high):

  1. Self-Acceptance – positive attitude toward self;
  2. Positive Relations with Others – concerned about the welfare of others; willing to compromise to sustain important ties;
  3. Autonomy – independent, evaluates self by personal standards, resists social pressures;
  4. Environmental Mastery – controls external activities and makes use of surrounding opportunities;
  5. Purpose in Life – has goals and a sense of direction, feels there is meaning to life past and present, holds beliefs and objectives;
  6. Personal Growth – continued development and expansion, open to new experiences, notices improvement in self and behavior.

Life is so. much. more. than just. being. happy.  Failures, negative emotions, disappointing outcomes – all these “bad” things further define the purpose and meaning of our lives.  These aren’t happy things, but they do lead to happiness.  

In high school, I tried out for the softball team and didn’t make it, which made me sad.  But I saw it as an opportunity to work on my skills.  I became stronger, faster, and more knowledgeable about the sport.  I had to put forth more effort using several of the dimensions listed above.  I didn’t try out again the following year, because I got asked to play for an elite travel ball team. The failure actually led to more positivity in my well-being.

Even when present in exemplary lives, philosophers construe happiness not as an end in itself but a byproduct of other, more noble pursuits.

(source)

I’ve been facing an uphill climb the past few months.  I’ve faced several losses, some more significant than others.  Nonetheless, all left me grieving or feeling defeated in some way. Even through these tough times, I recognize that God is working in my life for good reason.  I am becoming stronger and more resilient.  This is character building.  

I have by no means been feeling happy, but overall, I still maintain a positive well-being.  I recognize storms may never stop coming – but neither do the rainbows! 🌈 We can’t judge our life solely on the storms or solely on the rainbows.  Without one, you can’t have the other.