by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Biggest Lesson of the Year.

Last year, I shared a biggest lesson of the year. As I aim to do the same this year, I don’t even know where to start. The past almost year and a half has been a true test of my hope and my faith. I have been able to label behaviors, see them in action, recognize patterns, and truly identify what is within my capability to control. As a result, I deeply questioned my relationships, my purpose, and my worth.

I can’t even say I was shaken to my core, because my core was shaken too. It is soul crushing to feel your life has been turned completely upside down, with everything emptied out of it. But, there’s also an element of gratitude, because you know that you’re strength training, building resilience. You no longer live in ignorance. You just know that you are leveling up to a more meaningful and fulfilling life. And that comes with learning some really hard lessons along the way.

If you’ve been following along for a while, you know that I have a thing for language and communication. Some examples I’ve posted about in the past include:

You also know that I believe human connection is what gives us purpose, and the way we connect is through verbal and non-verbal communication. So what does it mean when our communications fail? We lose connection. Just like a dropped call.

Communication is far more complicated than we realize. We 💯 take it for granted. So many people do not say what they mean or mean what they say, and we, as a society, have accepted this as normal. 

My biggest lesson of the year piggybacks on top of that concept. It is something that we’ve heard over and over and over, but this year, it resonated with me so. damn. loudly. And it is that actions speak louder than words. 

Ooof. I cannot tell you how hard this hits for me right now – for multiple reasons. And one of those reasons is that I’m guilty of failing in this too. What’s worse – if I’m being completely honest, sometimes the failure is intentional, which means I didn’t have the courage to initially speak my truth. But there’s more. Sometimes actions can be misinterpreted too. 

See? Complicated.

Like, I recognize that I have hyper awareness around communication, so these things probably bother me way more than it bothers other people. But as communication senders, we have a responsibility to ensure our message is delivered to the receiver, as we intended. There’s also usually an actionable follow-up that occurs upon transmission, that we fail to implement.  

 Let me give you an example:

I used to have a boss who was no.tor.i.ous for not returning phone calls. Everyone chalked it up to it just being “the way he is.” But as this guy’s subordinate, I felt like I was pestering him. If I was calling him, it was because I needed help. I wasn’t just calling to shoot the shit. There was a purpose. By not calling me back, his action told me that the purpose that was important to me was not important to him. Why would I want to work for someone who doesn’t think what I do is important? Who doesn’t seem to think that I am important?

Minor shit like this happens all the time. Maybe I’m the only one who pays attention to these little things. But they add up to become big things. Do you think I talk to that boss anymore? No. We lost our connection.

A lot of what we think about ourselves is tied to the feedback we receive from the people around us. While I know that someone not returning a call isn’t necessarily tied to their feelings about me, there is a conscious or subconscious choice not to click my name when the missed call is seen. And that’s what gets me. Because in repeated behavior, at some point, the decision does become intentional. Then they are choosing not to make time for you. And if they don’t consider you worth your time, why should you consider them worth yours?

Granted, I’m speaking generally and all circumstances are different. I think we are more accepting of people’s shortcomings when we love them. And at work, we typically don’t have a choice but to deal with it. This is also why I think we have accepted it as normal to not mean what we say and say what we mean.

In 2024, I didn’t work much and I didn’t have romantic love in my life. For better or worse, I really got to pay attention to all the simple and subtle ways people fail to communicate. Even though I know it’s not truly a reflection of me, it became hard not to take the feedback personally due to the sheer frequency in which it occurs, by the same person or by many people.

My goal for 2025 is mixed. I want to go into with awareness, but not hyper awareness. I want to hold people accountable for what they say, but within reason. And I want to be more conscious of what I communicate and how I communicate, and I pray for the courage to vulnerably speak my truth.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Silver Linings in the Storm.

It’s been about 8 months since I’ve been here, writing from the heart. My break was not due to lack of content. While it is not unusual for me to be vulnerably honest in my struggles, I didn’t like the tone of what I was creating. I didn’t want it to sound as though I was crying out for help or attention. Because neither of those were the reality. 

The reality is something I had never experienced before. This past year has made me question a lot in my life. The people in it. My purpose. What is fulfilling. 

When I quit my job last year, I had a feeling my life was going to flourish. What I did not expect was for my world to implode. Initially, I did not consider that sometimes you have to tear the house down to its foundation in order to build it back better and stronger, more durable, and with a refreshed aesthetic. 

That’s what this last year has been. A slow, arduous tearing down of what I had created and what I had become. Not that any of it was bad, per se. But I’ve dug deeper than I’ve ever done, and I discovered many new things about myself and my life. You realize that you’ve been operating a certain way for so long, that you didn’t recognize there is a better way to function. 

More than that, I’ve somewhat enjoyed the solitude. Much of the noise has been blocked out, albeit, not by choice. While I would like to say it has allowed me to hear my own voice more loudly and clearly, that’s not really the case. My voice has been clouded by negativity, pessimism, and helplessness. 

As you know, I believe God gives us breadcrumbs, small clues that lead us down certain pathways to our future. Those breadcrumbs have led me down numerous roads with dead ends and detours. My future is seemingly moving forward through a process of elimination. It’s been a lot of disappointment, a lot of rejection, and a lot of insecurity. The journey has been a lot longer than anticipated, and I am tired. 

But I also know the only way out is to keep on going. I will continue to muster up strength, motivation, and confidence, because I do know that good things lie ahead. 

Don’t get me wrong, though, I can see silver linings in this storm. There are people who have stepped up. There have been valuable lessons learned. And more importantly, love has come my way once again.

by : lacylit10 Entrepreneurship, Life Lessons

The Humbling Kind of Hard.

“Choose your hard.” A phrase, I think, coined by Mel Robbins. While the obstacles we run into are typically not our choice, how we respond to those obstacles is within our control. 

A while back, I mentioned that I felt I was breaking when I quit my job. Several months later, that is more true now than it was then. 

I am not someone who typically makes unplanned decisions or doesn’t have a back-up plan. But I followed my intuition in that decision, and I know it was ultimately for the better. When everyone told me I was not going to have any trouble finding another job, I also knew that wasn’t going to be true. But I was certain that God was going to be doing some serious work in my life.

Although I did not know what to expect, I can’t say I was prepared for this. That’s just how He works, isn’t it? 

On many levels, my basic needs are not being met. I feel weak. I feel insecure. I feel vulnerable. I feel scared. Uncertain. Somedays, I feel pathetic and desperate. I feel withdrawn and lonely. I feel closed and distant. I feel trapped. Like, none of these are good or positive things to feel. And the more time goes on, the harder it is becoming not to fall into a pessimistic view and spiral into a depression.

Every once in a while, I do feel glimmers of hope and strength. But this weekend I was reminded of something I said way back in 2020. This is a mood I need to seriously lean into.

So, yesterday, I literally spent the entire day feeling sorry for myself. I can’t tell you how many times I broke into tears. I did a little bit of work, but I spent most of the day curled up on the couch binge watching Vanderpump Rules. I leaned into the bad and negative emotions hard. And it felt good to be unapologetically miserable. I didn’t have to put on a smile or a brave face for anyone. I didn’t have to be confident in selling my business services. I didn’t have to pretend to be anything else or feel anything else. I let myself feel as weak, vulnerable, and insecure as I possibly could.

I had been becoming more emotional over the past few weeks, because, I realized, I had been bottling up my emotions for too long. I needed a big, heavy, ugly cry. I needed to get it all out of my system so that I could have renewed strength to continue carrying on. 

I do, however, want to recognize that this experience hasn’t been all bad. I have had a lot of meetings with a lot of people. People are putting me in touch with others and word is spreading about what I am doing. A lot of people are helping me. A lot of people want to work with me. I’m not really getting “no”. But this has been a long process of meeting with a lot of people and not getting the “yes” answers that will replenish my needs.

The most recent obstacles of my past have been challenges. Obstacles to overcome in the effort to achieve or advance is one type of hard. When the obstacles you face stem from loss of basic needs, it’s a humbling type of hard. A stern reminder that the obstacles we face are not a choice, but how we respond to them is a test of our faith, our values, our morals, and our character.

This. is. only. temporary. I can choose to give up on this dream, continuing to avoid the magic or I can choose the hard that leads to belonging. If the first step is the hardest, then there’s no turning back now.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

When Hindsight is 20/20, and the Future is Bright.

A couple of months before I quit my job, I was talking to a friend about a friend. The friend I was talking about made a big, hairy, audacious decision (I’m tweaking “BHAG“), and her life flourished afterward. I explained that is how life is supposed to go. Things are supposed to fall into place when you’re making the right decisions. Under tears, I asked, “What are the right decisions that I’m not making?” Because both my work life and my personal life had gotten much harder. 

Going into the new job in 2021, I was aware of some reservations. Ultimately, I chose to listen to my head rather than my heart. And I was semi-conscious of that decision. I was coming to terms with things in my personal life, and I didn’t feel like I could 💯 trust what my emotions were telling me.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20. And I think blaming my emotions on certain issues I was dealing with personally was an excuse. Although that, I did not realize at the time. I thought I was being logical and rational.

It’s not a secret that my dream is to be a writer. While I do not think that is my immediate next step, the job I took wasn’t going to get me closer to that goal. That, I did know. But that job was everything I had been working for, and I’m glad I took it, because I would have regretted the “what if” if I didn’t take it. (And it got me closer to realizing what I do want.)

But I heard something on Instagram the other day that perfectly summarizes the uneasiness I felt in my soul.

The magic you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding.

My immediate reaction was, “FFFFFFFFFFFk.” If you know what I mean. I don’t know who said it. But it eloquently states what I absolutely knew was true.

I also read:

The only thing standing between you and your goal is the story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.

Jordan Belfort

What we see online makes everything look so easy. “Just go out and do it,” they say. (From people who have already done it and are successful at it. 🙄) I think that’s what I painfully enjoy about expressing my fears and insecurities here. You may have saw me excitedly post about my new business on Instagram, but inside, I felt sick to my stomach taking that step and declaring my next move. I want you to know that. I don’t want to live in smoke and mirrors.

Taking the leap of faith to find magic comes with less in some ways and more in others. As Mel Robbins says, “Choose your hard.”

And I have reached a place where I am tired of telling myself I can’t do it. I am tired of making excuses. I am tired of listening to my head when it’s not aligned with my heart. I am tired of letting what other people project onto me infiltrate my thoughts and instill doubt when I am confident in what I can do (and will do).

It irritates TF out of me when people tell you not to wait until you’re retired to enjoy your life. When they say, “Life is too short to do things that make you unhappy.” Then you make decisions to give you that freedom, that happiness, and that fulfillment, and they’re all like, “Ohhh, are you sure you want to do that?”

For the first time in a long time, my response to them will now be a deadpan, “Yes.”

I am certain this is what I want to do. I no longer want to allow other people to instill (more and unsolicited) doubt and insecurity in my life, when they do not have the courage to make BHADs themselves. So, while I hope to shamelessly project confidence as I move forward on this venture, you’ll know my secret: that I am choosing the hard that makes my dream come true. And I am doing it with fear, every step of the way.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Biggest Lesson of The Year.

I’ve been seeing a lot of people post about the biggest lessons they’ve learned this year, and I have been mulling over mine for the past several weeks. This has been a very significant year of growth for me, and I’m not sure I can narrow it down to one big lesson. If I had to summarize what I’ve learned into a general theme, I think my biggest lesson would be that courage can take a long time to build. 

The more philosophical definition states: courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, pain, danger, etc. without fear. I like this definition more than “doing something that frightens one.”

What I find interesting about these definitions of the same word is that one definition says to do it with fear, the other says to do it without. What I find fascinating about the conflicting definitions is that it’s a great example of the complexity of language. Context matters. The courage to jump out of a plane is different from the courage it takes to walk away from a marriage.

The courage I’m referring to is the philosophical kind. To get your mind and spirit into a state of confidence to do something without fear requires identifying and overcoming insecurities and weaknesses. It requires self-reflection and processing. It requires intentional, meaningful, purposeful, and thoughtful consideration. These things definitely do not happen overnight. In fact, it can take years. And I don’t feel like people tell you that. 

We live in such a fast-paced, instant gratification society. We never see the work that goes into building the final product. Singer Lainey Wilson spent over ten years in the country music industry trying to make it before she became an “overnight” success. I’m sure those ten years were a critical time of learning, both personally and professionally, before she was launched into fame. 

God’s timing is perfect.

When I reflect on some of the challenges I’ve faced, I’ve been thinking about those with whom I have confided. They have been so patient and supportive. They’ve known for a long time what I am just coming to terms with. Part of me feels silly for admitting now what they’ve been softly telling me for years. While I logically knew what they were telling me was true, my heart hadn’t caught up. Until now. My mind and spirit are finally aligned. And I’m so grateful for their kindness. They knew I would get there in my own time. They never pushed. They let me feel what I needed to feel, go through the (e)motions, and learn the lessons on my own. 

Philosophical courage comes from deep within your soul, and it takes time to rise to your head and your heart. And that’s okay. To embrace the nature of courage, getting to a place of quality mind and spirit to do something without fear, takes courage in itself. There are so many factors woven into the fabric of who we are. Tugging at one thread, sometimes, unravels several others. It takes focus and patience to mend. We can be hard on ourselves for not getting there in a timeframe others expect of us or we wish of ourselves. And it’s important to recognize, not everyone will choose to repair in the first place. It takes courage to start, courage to endure, and courage to overcome.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Testing My Patience … and My Faith.

I believe in God. There are numerous examples I can give where I have seen Him work in my life. But those examples are mostly in answered prayers. Putting my mind to something, and God giving me the strength and ability to achieve it. The only true test I can think of, in my experience, of questioning God, has been in overcoming depression. Years, and years, and years, would go by. Almost daily I would beg for the misery to be over, while simultaneously trusting He had a plan. 

It was about 10 years after my “official” diagnosis, and at least another 10 more from the onset of symptoms. At least 10 full years of not knowing or understanding why I felt a certain way. And another 10 years of knowing and understanding, but not really improving. Twenty years of faith. Twenty years of believing. Twenty years of trusting.

It was a long time. A long time of feeling helpless, but not hopeless.

I’ve been here before. At the mercy of His will. Making slow progress forward.  

It’s hard. Hard to have patience to let things play out as they may. Hard to not try and control the situation, even when I don’t have answers that could possibly change it.

Vulnerable truth be told, I’ve been praying for a closer relationship with Him. I had drifted, and I desired to feel Him working more deeply within me. There were surface-level ways I could see his movement, but I was seeking a gut-level reminder that He is with me. I needed stronger signals guiding me down the right path.

It’s the irony that consistently restores my faith. The creative ways in which He delivers almost never aligns with my naive expectations. 

I believe that God gives us breadcrumbs. Subtle clues that move us forward. But for me, roughly every 10 years, I get hit with something bigger, where I am faced with a life shift. After a significant time of putting my head down and focusing on personal and professional growth, I am somewhat forced to lift my head and look forward to determine, with all of my newly accumulated life experience, which path I want to take next.

And while I am certain that path is already determined, the time of self-reflection given for evaluation is a blessing. 

Everyone has different definitions of what living life to the fullest looks like. I don’t like to spend a lot of time looking back on what could have or should have been. I believe things play out exactly as they are supposed to, so there is no point in wishing it could have been different. Yes, there are decisions I wish I did not make or had made sooner, but I may not have learned the lesson or acquired the wisdom from the experience that contributes to my character, my beliefs, and my values – the core things that make me who I am. And it is those core things that, for me, define my life and how I lived it. It’s not how many countries I’ve traveled to or how much money I have in my bank account; it’s how I have served those around me. 

As a side note: I can think of one specific person who would question how I served them. Who would be the naysayer in my belief about myself. The funny thing is that this person doesn’t really know me at all. And the way I am choosing to serve them is essentially by not acquiescing to their behaviors, actions, and attitudes. Everything they seemingly hate about me is actually the gift I am giving them. Sometimes the lesson that we need to teach others is one they must come to learn on their own. 

But I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. I know, and God knows my journey. And these gut-level life shift times of reflection and evaluation remind me that He is still here. He is still guiding me. He is still working in my life. And through all of the missteps, He still loves me unconditionally. And in my moments of doubt, He still provides.

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