Remember when I said 2020 would be epic? I wasn’t really wrong, was I? 🤦🏻♀️ But this definitely wasn’t what I had in mind either. It’s been such an interesting year so far, and we’re only half way through.
Whether I like it or not, I’m finally starting to settle into this “new normal”. (A term I am also actually coming to hate.) It’s been an adjustment, that is for. sure. And really, I don’t have it nearly as bad as a lot of people. But that’s not to discount the challenges I have faced during this transition; I’ve definitely been fighting some battles. Still, I can’t help but feel a bit selfish for indulging in my own sorrows. Brené Brown calls this “comparative suffering.”
Comparative suffering is when you minimize someone else’s challenges in comparison to your own – or vice versa.
I think it’s really important to remind ourselves that we are in. the. midst. of a global pandemic! We all have a right to feel what we feel, as the experience and ripple effects have affected us all so differently.
Epic is defined as “extending beyond the usual or ordinary in size or scope.” I think this qualifies! 😂 There is so. much. happening beyond the usual and out of the ordinary, not just globally and collectively but individually and personally too.
I think the cure for comparative suffering is empathy and compassion. We may not fully understand the struggles someone else is facing, but we can definitely tap into the struggles we are facing to relate. And it’s not just about being compassionate with others, it’s also showing compassion to yourself.
Brené Brown has a great little video on the difference between sympathy and empathy. But it also includes compassion, although it’s not specifically addressed. Here’s how I would describe the differences:
- Sympathy – “I see you.”
- Empathy – “I understand you.”
- Compassion – “I will help you.”
The deer is demonstrating sympathy. The bear demonstrates empathy by looking into himself and reflecting on something that gives him the same feeling. Going into the hole, sitting with the fox, lending an ear, and giving a hug, that is compassion.
