by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Mistakes.

The beauty of being human is that we have the ability to learn from our mistakes.  In fact, I think learning from our mistakes helps build our character.  We have a right to our opinions, and we have a right to change our minds.

Humans. are. imperfect.  We all make mistakes.

Why is that we are so judgmental and misunderstanding when someone makes a mistake?  We become critical and accusatory of others, completely ignoring the fact that we, ourselves, also make mistakes.

In today’s media, (social and mainstream), we only see/hear/read snippets of stories.  I can’t tell you all about food safety in a 30-minute video, let alone a 30 second video that may hold your attention. For you to come to a conclusion about the safety of your food, even in a series of multiple 30 second videos is unreasonable.  Yet, this is exactly how we perceive something as true and accurate, when majority of necessary context has gone unwritten or unspoken.  

With the editing tools and hacks that are so widely available, really, we can never be 100% sure that what we see/hear/read in media is factual.  Not only is this why media literacy has become so important, but it also validates our need to be more empathetic as a society.  Just because we can use media as mindless entertainment doesn’t mean we should always consume it as. mindless. media.

The same concept applies to situations IRL.  There are few things we should take at face value, especially in times of crisis.  

If we think about this in terms of COVID.  The CDC first recommended not using a mask, then later came back with the recommendation, and the state of California made masks mandatory in public spaces.  I wouldn’t actually call this a mistake by the CDC, so much as they changed their mind as more scientific information became available. 

I critically judged the CDC for this.  As the most reliable source for information on public health, I felt they should get it right before publicizing.  But at the same time, I defend our use of pesticides until new science becomes available, and we learn that certain pesticides may no longer be safe.  I cannot make the exception for my belief, because it is my belief.  

Most of us act with genuinely good intentions, and our comments or actions get taken out of context or misunderstood without seeing the big picture. Whether in media or real-life, there is always more to a story. 

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Listen.

People just straight up do. not. pay. attention.  Maybe it’s because I’m true to my word and not super forgetful that people fail to recognize that I rarely need reminding, and I say pretty much exactly what I mean.

Examples:

  • A lady emailed me about a couple of things.  I told her I would have the planting schedule to her by the end of the week, but continued to communicate with her on traceability.  By the end of our few exchanges, she said “I still need the ranches and blocks on these plantings.”  Uh, yeah, I know.  It was Wednesday.  I told her I’d have them to her by the end of the week.  I still had 2 days – intentionally giving myself this time frame to confirm some things.
  • A guy emailed me about our soon-to-be expired audits.  “Lacy, these audits are about to expire, do you have new ones?”  Nothing irritates me more than people telling me my audits are about to expire.  Like I don’t already know that. 😒 Fail, #1.  Then I say, “Yes, they were audited last week.  I have it on my calendar to send you updated audits next month when I receive them.”  3 weeks go by and I get another email.  “Lacy, do you have updated audits?”  NO!  I said a month!  3 weeks is not a month.  Also, “I have it on my calendar” means I don’t need you emailing to remind me. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Fail #2, and Fail #3.

And these are email exchanges, written clearly!  They’re just not paying attention to what I’m saying.  They can go back and reference them if they didn’t understand or if they forgot.  But no.  It’s easier to inconvenience me.  Again.

Like, I get it.  So. much. of my job is following up with people.  I spend probably ¼ of my time just reviewing shit and then calling people out when they did it wrong or untimely.  And this is typically after I’ve already laid out clear expectations!  But…

You have to give people some leeway to see how closely you have to follow.  Unfortunately, I just have a lot of people I have to follow closely.  But I don’t need that same kind of care, and it’s so frustrating to me when people don’t recognize that – in anyone.  Pay attention and learn where people are credible.  Give them autonomy in areas where they are reliable.  

Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

Studies have proven this to be almost true.  We spend 70-80% of our waking hours in some form of communication. 45% of that time is spent listening. (9% writing, 16% reading, and 30% speaking.)  But most of us are actually poor, ineffective listeners.

We have the mental capacity to understand 400 words per minute, but most people speak at a rate of about 125 words per minute.  Since we’re only using 25% of our mental capability when listening to someone speak, we have 75% of our minds to do something else with.  Basically, we get bored listening to people speak and our minds wander.

Active listening is a learned skill that takes conscious effort – proven by the fact that we only remember between 25 and 50% of what we hear.  You can find tips on how to be a better listener with a quick Google search.  And yeah, I think the tips are helpful.  But I also think it comes back to people just being human.  

People want to feel heard.  I think it really can be as simple as “treat others the way you want to be treated”.  How many of us appreciate when someone checks their phone when we’re talking?  Or when you can visibly see the person has checked out of the communication?  Be present in the conversation.  Don’t skim the email, read it. 

Many people consider multi-tasking a benefit, but science has proven we cannot focus on more than one task at a time.  When we quickly move from one task to another, we do not give one task much of our attention.  We’re actually more efficient when focusing on one thing at a time.  Apply that to listening in communication, and your active listening 👂🏼 skills could probably dramatically improve. 

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Appreciation.

Life has been an uphill climb lately.  And yeah, I’ve been complaining.  It’s natural, right? 😬 But I also recognize that you don’t reach a peak of the mountain without first walking through the valley.  

For the past 4 months, it has literally been one thing after another, and it’s taken me on an emotional roller coaster.  There have been essentially 7 significant events that have each taken me down a notch (or several). 

While I’ve been able to lean on people who care about me for support, there is still something missing that’s left me feeling unfulfilled.  So, I’ve been doing what I do: completely analyzing these situations to find the root of what has me feeling defeated and less than.

And here’s that I think it comes down to: appreciation.  We all have this innate desire to feel seen and heard.  And while I have received “thank you” or “I appreciate you” comments, some haven’t felt truly genuine, nor has the appreciation equated to the toll each situation has taken on me.  The scale is still weighed more negatively. 

Psychological research has shown that when people are perpetually in a situation where they are ignored, this causes real emotional pain, and that in turn will cause physical problems caused by the stress of being ignored on an ongoing basis.

(source)

If I’m being honest, this is where I feel I am.  It’s not that I feel I’ve been completely ignored, but I don’t feel I’ve been truly seen either.  What’s more is that a few of these situations have prompted me to re-evaluate relationships, adding to the feelings of loneliness and loss.  Not only am I enduring the stress of each situation compounded, but also the stress of not feeling seen or heard in each situation compounded.  

But I can’t recognize this problem without also finding a solution.

This made me think about the 5 Love Languages.  How someone expresses love is essentially the same way he or she express appreciation.  If we can apply this to romantic relationships, why wouldn’t the same concept apply to professional relationships too?

Turns out, the same people who wrote the 5 Love Languages also wrote a book about the 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.  And you know what?  They’re the same!  (I’m really not that surprised by this. 😏)  Here’s what appreciation in the workplace looks like:

  1. Gifts – Lunch or a bonus
  2. Acts of Service – Actions speak louder than words (actual help)
  3. Quality Time – Undivided attention (real active listening)
  4. Words of Affirmation – Expression of genuine gratitude
  5. Physical Touch – Strong handshake or pat on the back

My mentor gave me quality time and words of affirmation. She validated my feelings and encouraged me to make some moves. The friend who avoided our conversation left me feeling ignored and unappreciated. One made me feel seen and heard (in limited capacity) while the other definitely did not.

Receiving appreciation in any capacity is external and not within my control.  I can’t force someone to genuinely and authentically show me they care.  I think that’s what makes it so meaningful when someone does. But it also comes back to recognizing small wins, because we don’t always receive appreciation in grand gestures.