by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Trust.

I once saw a meme that said, “Dating is getting to know someone until you realize you don’t like that person anymore.”  I mean, how true is that statement though? 😬 It’s kind of sad when you really think about it.  You invest time, energy, and emotion in someone until you ultimately discover that person is not worth your time, energy, and emotion.

There are a lot of great things about being single, don’t get me wrong.  The freedom is undeniably one of the best aspects of it.  But the dating part is hard.

First, choosing the person you want to date.  Not just anyone will set off the “cascade of hormones and neurotransmitters that accompanies the exciting first phase of love.  The person we select has to smell right, feel right, look right, and be just right in our arms.  Then, and only then, will the cascade get started.” – John Gottman, Ph.D

Once we choose that person (which I think is a conscious and subconscious decision), our brain releases several chemicals that have enormous influence on our judgment and affection.  These chemicals include a natural form of amphetamine, dopamine, pheromones, and oxytocin.  Psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined this phase of love as “limerence”.  Limerence is a state of infatuation or obsession typically experienced by an involuntary strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings.

It is our biological makeup that reacts to the people we are attracted to.  We cannot control the release of these chemicals, which is what makes the initial phase of relationships so intoxicating and exciting.  Then we enter the make it or break it phase of the relationship: Building Trust. 

This is where we discover we may not really like that person after all.  Some of those feel good chemicals have worn off, our blinders are no longer up, and we start to see this person for who they really are.

As we navigate through learning whether or not our partner can be trusted, we experience feelings of frustration, disappointment, sadness, and exasperation.  If healthy, positive conflict discussions ensue, the relationship has a better likelihood of working.  If blaming arguments occur, well, it’s the opposite. 

In animal research, scientists found that oxytocin and vasopressin are two chemicals associated with lifelong pair-bonding among prairie voles.  Prairie voles have high levels of oxytocin; they mate for life.  In a study, when scientists blocked the oxytocin receptors, the animals no longer formed monogamous bonds and tended to roam.

Oxytocin has been called “the love hormone” or “the cuddle hormone” because it plays an important role in forming attachments.  Our style of attachment (secure or insecure) as adults is rooted in how we bonded with caregivers as infants and children, namely our mother.  When you hold an infant, they wiggle in your arms to find comfort.  Once they find it, they put the whole weight of their body on you.  They give you com.plete. trust. with their being.  They feel safe and secure.

The building of trust is about having your partner’s best interests in mind and at heart.

John Gottman

In Trust Factor: The Science of Creating High-Performance Companies, Paul Zak describes the chemical reactions in our brains on how we respond to challenges and how trust is created.  In rodents, oxytocin has been shown to signal that another animal was safe to approach.  In an experiment conducted by Zak’s team, they found that oxytocin tended to reduce the fear of trusting a stranger.

Challenge stresses, (a difficult but achievable task), releases oxytocin and adrenocorticotropin.  Chemicals that intensify your focus and strengthen social connections.  In dating, this would probably be “the chase”.

Ultimately, you cultivate trust by setting a clear direction, giving people what they need to see it through, and getting out of their way.

Paul Zak

This comes down to expectations, communication, and feedback.  Not only are these typically weak areas in businesses, but also just in day-to-day relationships with coworkers, friends, family, and romantic partners.  

What’s interesting to me about all of this is that it goes to show that whether you are in a romantic or professional relationship with someone, our chemical reactions to building trust are essentially the same.  Healthy and positive conflict discussions in either type of relationship will see more success.

by : lacylit10 Farming

Where Food Grows.

I was talking to a friend awhile back about educating consumers on where their food comes from. Based on what we see online, it seems that consumers have an interest in learning about it. They are vocal about non-GMO, organic, antibiotic-free, free-range, fresh, and local produce. They get up-in-arms any time there is a recall or outbreak. They like farmer’s markets where they can see and meet the farmer. They like U-Pick stands where they can set foot on the farms themselves. It seems there is opportunity to bridge the gap between producers and consumers.

But then my friend asked, “But do they really care?”

This question has been swirling around in my brain for almost a year. I can’t shake it, because I think his implication is right. I think people want to want to learn about where their food comes from, but they don’t want to put in the work to do it. They seek out easy online resources, listen to non-credible people, and jump to their own misinformed conclusions. They find sources that align with their preconceived bias, closing them in an echo chamber of inaccuracy.

I experience this from my own friends and social network who ask me questions about what I do. Let’s take the ever popular organic argument as an example:

I tell them organic uses pesticides and chemicals that are of naturally-derived materials. Their food is fertilized with chicken shit and ground up fish turned into liquid. They look at me in disgust, then continue to swear that organic is healthier, even though there is no scientific evidence to prove organic produce holds more nutritional value than conventional produce. They continue to believe the carefully curated marketing campaigns of companies who are making loads of money off their naivety. They believe all of this over the knowledge and experience of someone they know and trust who manages crop inputs and oversees the safe production of their food.

Theoretically, people want to know where their food comes from, but they don’t want to know the nitty-gritty.

They don’t want to know that sometimes you have to spray organic twice as much, because the natural chemicals don’t work as well at controlling pests and diseases. They don’t want to know about the multitude of competing regulations that we are navigating between. They don’t want to understand nitrogen uptake and pH levels. They don’t want to learn about crop rotations and organic matter. They don’t want to hear that markets can drive decisions, because they simply see themselves as the end-user.

A.G. Kawamura is a third generation farmer and former secretary of the California Department of Food and Agriculture. He wrote an op-ed for Agri-Pulse around this time last year. In it, he says what has become one of my favorite quotes on agriculture in recent times:

Most assuredly we will remember why agriculture is important the day we return to a world of scarcity.

We are so fortunate to live in a country of abundance! We can be picky, because we have so. many. choices. Those who are hungry and are given a meal never question if the produce is organic. They are happy to have food in their stomachs.

For every ten people that say they have an interest in learning about where their food comes from, I bet there’s probably only two who legitimately care. So to my friend, here’s what I say: Those two are two more than we had before.