by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Biggest Lesson of the Year.

Last year, I shared a biggest lesson of the year. As I aim to do the same this year, I don’t even know where to start. The past almost year and a half has been a true test of my hope and my faith. I have been able to label behaviors, see them in action, recognize patterns, and truly identify what is within my capability to control. As a result, I deeply questioned my relationships, my purpose, and my worth.

I can’t even say I was shaken to my core, because my core was shaken too. It is soul crushing to feel your life has been turned completely upside down, with everything emptied out of it. But, there’s also an element of gratitude, because you know that you’re strength training, building resilience. You no longer live in ignorance. You just know that you are leveling up to a more meaningful and fulfilling life. And that comes with learning some really hard lessons along the way.

If you’ve been following along for a while, you know that I have a thing for language and communication. Some examples I’ve posted about in the past include:

You also know that I believe human connection is what gives us purpose, and the way we connect is through verbal and non-verbal communication. So what does it mean when our communications fail? We lose connection. Just like a dropped call.

Communication is far more complicated than we realize. We 💯 take it for granted. So many people do not say what they mean or mean what they say, and we, as a society, have accepted this as normal. 

My biggest lesson of the year piggybacks on top of that concept. It is something that we’ve heard over and over and over, but this year, it resonated with me so. damn. loudly. And it is that actions speak louder than words. 

Ooof. I cannot tell you how hard this hits for me right now – for multiple reasons. And one of those reasons is that I’m guilty of failing in this too. What’s worse – if I’m being completely honest, sometimes the failure is intentional, which means I didn’t have the courage to initially speak my truth. But there’s more. Sometimes actions can be misinterpreted too. 

See? Complicated.

Like, I recognize that I have hyper awareness around communication, so these things probably bother me way more than it bothers other people. But as communication senders, we have a responsibility to ensure our message is delivered to the receiver, as we intended. There’s also usually an actionable follow-up that occurs upon transmission, that we fail to implement.  

 Let me give you an example:

I used to have a boss who was no.tor.i.ous for not returning phone calls. Everyone chalked it up to it just being “the way he is.” But as this guy’s subordinate, I felt like I was pestering him. If I was calling him, it was because I needed help. I wasn’t just calling to shoot the shit. There was a purpose. By not calling me back, his action told me that the purpose that was important to me was not important to him. Why would I want to work for someone who doesn’t think what I do is important? Who doesn’t seem to think that I am important?

Minor shit like this happens all the time. Maybe I’m the only one who pays attention to these little things. But they add up to become big things. Do you think I talk to that boss anymore? No. We lost our connection.

A lot of what we think about ourselves is tied to the feedback we receive from the people around us. While I know that someone not returning a call isn’t necessarily tied to their feelings about me, there is a conscious or subconscious choice not to click my name when the missed call is seen. And that’s what gets me. Because in repeated behavior, at some point, the decision does become intentional. Then they are choosing not to make time for you. And if they don’t consider you worth your time, why should you consider them worth yours?

Granted, I’m speaking generally and all circumstances are different. I think we are more accepting of people’s shortcomings when we love them. And at work, we typically don’t have a choice but to deal with it. This is also why I think we have accepted it as normal to not mean what we say and say what we mean.

In 2024, I didn’t work much and I didn’t have romantic love in my life. For better or worse, I really got to pay attention to all the simple and subtle ways people fail to communicate. Even though I know it’s not truly a reflection of me, it became hard not to take the feedback personally due to the sheer frequency in which it occurs, by the same person or by many people.

My goal for 2025 is mixed. I want to go into with awareness, but not hyper awareness. I want to hold people accountable for what they say, but within reason. And I want to be more conscious of what I communicate and how I communicate, and I pray for the courage to vulnerably speak my truth.

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Politics

Persuasion, Communication, and Our Moral Obligations

What does ancient Greek rhetoric have to do with today? Perhaps we don’t recognize it with its official title, as it is more commonly referred to as the art of persuasion. Often, when we learn or reflect on history, we don’t look at it through a lens of communication. However, different forms of communication and their advancements over time have helped contribute to significant societal downfalls, which makes it worth paying attention to.

In the early democratic cultures of Athens and Rome, citizens were afforded access to information and an open system of debate to prepare them for voting. But true to human nature, deceptive propaganda soon overwhelmed both cities, contributing to their collapse. The printing press allowed for mass production of books and newspapers, leading us to the Age of Enlightenment, and the democratic revolutions of the 18th century. In the 19th century, the penny press and telegraph geographically expanded information reach and stirred political debates, instilling fear and resentment across nations, setting the stage for World War I. Cinema and radio created accessible and essential platforms for European fascists to engulf democracy and turn it into totalitarianism. Television transformed politics, as representatives now had to worry about optics, branding and sound bites. And today, we are in the age of digital communication, on the verge of an artificial intelligence takeover.

In journalism school, we are taught rhetoric to motivate, inform or persuade our audience, which means almost anything we see, hear or read has an agenda (hidden or in plain view). We are also taught to consider our sources, and the validity of information spread.

Although I am educated in journalism, I am not a journalist. I don’t have to be objective in my work. But you should consider my background in what I argue. Since my passion and expertise lies within agriculture, I will (openly or discreetly) educate my audience with facts and data that support my pro-ag beliefs. Likewise, when studies are published or reports are made public, we have to dig deeper than what we see on the surface. Who funded the study? Who funded the organizations that funded the study? What are their beliefs? Background provides context and credibility to help us determine the agenda that may not always be at the forefront of what we read, see, or hear. (They call persuasion an art for a reason.)

Rhetoric originated sometime in the fifth century B.C. For well more than 2,000 years, we have been fighting misinformation, propaganda and the art of persuasion. As a society, I personally do not believe we are any better at filtering through the B.S. now than we were then. If anything, we spend less time thinking for ourselves and more time scanning through headlines, coming up with our own conclusions based on echo chamber inducing and attention-grabbing phrases rather than concrete fact and evidence. And with the sheer volume of information coming at us on a daily basis, who has the time or energy for background research on all of it anyway?

Psychologically speaking, information overload leads to confusion, indecisiveness, stress, anxiety and mental fatigue. Overuse of social media leads to feelings of inadequacy and lower self-worth. When there is excess, people tend to yearn for structure and stability. The same thing happens in democracy. Boundless freedom can degrade a society.

We have a responsibility to uphold moral and ethical behavior. Most people do not rob department stores or punch a stranger on the sidewalk because they have a conscience. Anyone who posts something on the world wide web is an active creator of media, using the platform to spread information, whether it be fact, fiction or opinion. Our failure to take responsibility for what we say or share online has turned the internet into a modern-day Wild West where free speech runs rampant. Seemingly, all conscientious, respectful and dutiful behavior goes out the window with the shields of our screens. 

Looking forward, there are two sayings that come to mind:

  • Those who do not learn from history are bound to repeat it.
  • It’s how you pick yourself up when you fall.

We are on the precipice of revolutionary change. Now more than ever before, normal people like you and I have been active participants in shaping our society via the numerous platforms available to exercise our First Amendment rights, and it has fundamentally transformed the landscape of our democracy. I can’t help but wonder, will we take responsibility for our contribution in the inevitable downfall? And will artificial intelligence be part of the digital age demise or the beginning of a new era of communication?

We may not be able to prevent communication advancements and anticipate their effects on our society and democracy, but we can learn from our past. If William Randolph Hearst could “furnish the war” with Cuba in 1898, then I am pretty confident media today can influence elections in 2024.

As published in Noozhawk.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Biggest Lesson of The Year.

I’ve been seeing a lot of people post about the biggest lessons they’ve learned this year, and I have been mulling over mine for the past several weeks. This has been a very significant year of growth for me, and I’m not sure I can narrow it down to one big lesson. If I had to summarize what I’ve learned into a general theme, I think my biggest lesson would be that courage can take a long time to build. 

The more philosophical definition states: courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, pain, danger, etc. without fear. I like this definition more than “doing something that frightens one.”

What I find interesting about these definitions of the same word is that one definition says to do it with fear, the other says to do it without. What I find fascinating about the conflicting definitions is that it’s a great example of the complexity of language. Context matters. The courage to jump out of a plane is different from the courage it takes to walk away from a marriage.

The courage I’m referring to is the philosophical kind. To get your mind and spirit into a state of confidence to do something without fear requires identifying and overcoming insecurities and weaknesses. It requires self-reflection and processing. It requires intentional, meaningful, purposeful, and thoughtful consideration. These things definitely do not happen overnight. In fact, it can take years. And I don’t feel like people tell you that. 

We live in such a fast-paced, instant gratification society. We never see the work that goes into building the final product. Singer Lainey Wilson spent over ten years in the country music industry trying to make it before she became an “overnight” success. I’m sure those ten years were a critical time of learning, both personally and professionally, before she was launched into fame. 

God’s timing is perfect.

When I reflect on some of the challenges I’ve faced, I’ve been thinking about those with whom I have confided. They have been so patient and supportive. They’ve known for a long time what I am just coming to terms with. Part of me feels silly for admitting now what they’ve been softly telling me for years. While I logically knew what they were telling me was true, my heart hadn’t caught up. Until now. My mind and spirit are finally aligned. And I’m so grateful for their kindness. They knew I would get there in my own time. They never pushed. They let me feel what I needed to feel, go through the (e)motions, and learn the lessons on my own. 

Philosophical courage comes from deep within your soul, and it takes time to rise to your head and your heart. And that’s okay. To embrace the nature of courage, getting to a place of quality mind and spirit to do something without fear, takes courage in itself. There are so many factors woven into the fabric of who we are. Tugging at one thread, sometimes, unravels several others. It takes focus and patience to mend. We can be hard on ourselves for not getting there in a timeframe others expect of us or we wish of ourselves. And it’s important to recognize, not everyone will choose to repair in the first place. It takes courage to start, courage to endure, and courage to overcome.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Changing Things Up.

Being unemployed, I’ve had a lot of time to think about things. It’s been hard to find the balance between thinking enough to process and not thinking too much. Too much is not so good.

Mostly, I’ve been trying to determine how I can monetize all the things I do for free. Blogging. Facts from Farmers. Good Ol’ Girls Club. And there’s all this shit on the internet that tells you how you can make money from these things, but first you must click here, purchase this, download that. Bleh. It’s so uninspiring. Besides, apparently, I prefer to do things in the most challenging of ways.

What dawned on me is that this website is my space and I can do whatever I want with it. I can make it whatever I want. Why this revelation only now came to me as a light bulb moment, I don’t know. But here we are. So I’m changing things up a bit.

I’ve written editorials that I post to the Facts from Farmers website, but I do not post here. I have political editorial drafts that I haven’t posted, because Facts from Farmers’ website isn’t necessarily the right platform. And I write all of these things about my leadership and self-awareness journey that I don’t share with anyone who isn’t subscribed here.

This could be a frustrated expression where nothing changes, or it could be the start of something really great. Either way, I have a lot of stuff going on in my head that I need to get out somehow. And if it’s not through paid employment at the moment, then I’ve gotta make the most of what I do have. This is it.

I’m not quite sure what it’s going to look like, so I might go through a few iterations before I find the process that works for me. I hope you’ll continue tagging along.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

The Burdens We Carry.

Research has discovered that COVID, literally, changed the world. No doubt. Although we seem to be out of it, the past few years have been hard. In the beginning, I tried to make the most of it. But seemingly, the hits that shook me just kept coming. When you fundamentally believe in things, and those beliefs are constantly being tested, it leaves you a bit rattled.

Most of my followers here know me personally. You know my beliefs, my values, my interests, my work, and my involvement with the community. Although some of us have different views, you know my intentions are genuinely good. We are friends with mutual respect, and we can agree to disagree. We understand that discussing differences is what broadens our perspectives, and I so appreciate the opportunity to have open, kind, and inquisitive dialogue. Unfortunately, what I see in the world is differences dividing. And it makes me sad that we cannot learn from one another, because we are too close-minded to consider opposing viewpoints as different – not wrong, just different.

The more you understand yourself, the easier it is to understand others. For me, the past few years have been a lot about self-discovery. While I didn’t always like what I saw in myself, it really opened my eyes to what I do not like in others. And this has been a very harsh reality to face. People do not sit with their discomfort. They do not learn from their mistakes. They don’t put themselves in someone else’s shoes. They think other people owe them things, and they blame others for their faults – the list can go on. Generally, people focus on the outside world to bring them satisfaction rather than looking inward to satisfy themselves.

Philosopher Epictetus said, “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views in which they take of things.” If these last few years have taught me anything, it is that controlling the view in which I take of things is far more difficult than one would anticipate. It’s not surprising to me that people avoid sitting with their discomfort, do not learn from their mistakes, don’t put themselves in someone else’s shoes, think others owe them things, and blame others for their faults. Trying to get through and overcome what life throws at you can be F’ing hard.

I used to think living in the Information Age was a great thing. On one hand, I still do. On the other hand, the information we are fed is constantly negative. We should be more, do more, look better, eat healthier, yada, yada. None of these things are bad things, per se; they are standards to strive for in many respects. But they’re not individual and personal goals, they are collective societal standards telling us we are not enough. When you are fed this sort of messaging daily, it takes a lot of inner work to control the view in which you take it.

To summarize life over the past few years, fatigue is the word that comes to mind. The world has been …. chaotic, and I feel like my brain has been working overtime while trying to make sense of what is happening around me. It’s a lot to receive a constant barrage of messaging, then subsequently decipher what is within my ability to control and alter my view to come to some form of contentment with things as. they. are.

Since the start of the pandemic, it has been one thing after another, many being these existential things that can fundamentally change our lives that have become extremely heavy burdens to carry. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve been walking around with some of them for three years. I’m tired.

We have to reflect on the load we carry individually and assess accordingly. My load my be heavier than some people’s and lighter than others, but everyone needs a break sometimes. At some point, we have to take a load off. You may not agree with which bag I choose to drop, but it’s also not up to you to judge or decide, not knowing the other bags I carry.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Intent.

Last week, (or whenever it was), I wrote about our ability to learn from our mistakes. When we make a poor decision with no ill intent, it is simply a human error in judgment, and we move on with life.  No harm, no foul. But what happens when there is harm? When there is foul? Why is intent sometimes looked at and not others?

My thoughts on this were prompted a few days ago when a liberal friend of mine posted something about guns on her Facebook page. She essentially said that she doesn’t want to take away guns; she just wants people to get proper instruction and training, so you know how to handle the firearm. Now, I’m not sure the context in which she meant this, and I know she does not condone violence. But my initial reaction was, “The bigger concern is not so much about if you know how to use a firearm; it’s more about what you intend to do with it.” Learning to use a gun specifically for murder is a lot different than learning to use a gun for potential use in self-defense.

But I’m not here to start a gun control debate with you. I’m sure you know how I feel about that. My point is that intent matters.

Following up on my interest in stoicism, Rafał Albiński explores the idea that there are two components to action: 1.) the intent or willingness to act, and 2.) the act itself (doing what was intended to be done). According to psychological theory, creating intent is within our control. Intent is conscious motive. But the action is not always entirely up to us. I may intend to meet my friend for lunch at 11:30, but several things can prevent that from happening:

  1. Someone pulls out in front of me and I get in a car accident (an external condition)
  2. I get focused on a project at work and lose track of time (nonvolitional will – unconscious decision)
  3. I deliberately choose to stand him up (volitional will – conscious decision)

Stoics believe that if something is not fully up to us, then it is not up to us. It’s fate-based. Therefore if action 1 happens, then I was not meant to meet that friend for lunch. My life was fated to take a different path. If action 2 happens, then it is possible that I was late because I was fated to avoid that accident. If action 3 happens, then I’m not really practicing Stoic (or simply kind) behavior and should reconsider my intent.

But this isn’t a lesson in Stoicism, so here’s another angle. Loretta G. Breuning, Ph.D. says:

Intention is the human ability to redirect the electricity in your brain instead of just letting it flow down the path of least resistance. Animals don’t do this. The world reaches their senses and electricity flows into paths paved by past experience. We humans can notice that flow and divert it.

If we go back to the gun issue as an example…this is an emotionally charged debate. But it’s what prompted my thought process, so I’m going to follow through on it.

Pulling the trigger is the second component of the action. The first component is the willingness to pull the trigger. Which means the human consciously diverted their energy into the action. This two component approach is also used in criminal law. The intent (mens rea) must be proven in order to secure a conviction for the actual act (actus reus).

Had I of commented on my friends post with my initial reaction, it likely would have started a gun control debate with her or one of her other FB friends. Her intent on the post was genuinely good. She was extending a Second Amendment olive branch out to her conservative friends, so to speak. My reaction would have blown her comments out of proportion, and created a defensive/divisive environment on our feeds.

As I said in my last post, “just because we can use media as mindless entertainment doesn’t mean we should always consume it as mindless media.” We need to stop receiving everyone’s commentary at face-value and consider the intent of their messages. especially on social media. We subconsciously think that everyone is out to intentionally inflict harm on us, when really, people are just voicing an opinion that they have every right to have.