Why is it that loneliness seems to be an unacceptable sentiment in our society? Is it because we are social animals, and so long as we are around people we shouldn’t be lonely? What I think is ironic about this is that I’m willing to bet WAY more people feel lonely than are willing to admit. (And I’m not a gambler, I am that confident with my odds here.)
People tend to generalize emotions. I am victim of this too. I recently talked to a mentor/friend, and she said to me, “Lacy, you keep coming back to the injustices.” Internally, I was like, “Cool”, š (in one ear and out the other), and kept explaining to her what I was going through and the circumstances of the situation. She repeated herself, “Lacy, you keep coming back to the injustices.”
There are underlying themes around our feelings. Here are a few examples:
- Unmet expectations = Disappointment
- Wanting what someone else has = Envy
- Impending danger = Fear
- Achieving a goal = Joy
What my mentor/friend was getting at was that I was using all of these examples to explain the emotion that I couldn’t just name, but I wasn’t even aware yet that I was feeling! š¤¦š»āāļø
- Injustice = Anger
She was right. I was angry over this issue. With each explanation, I was implying that the situation and circumstances weren’t fair to me. And I didn’t even realize it. Sometimes, we are so invested that we are not objective. This is when our social connections become critical. (More on that a few paragraphs down.)
My point is that so. many. people communicate the underlying theme of loneliness without identifying the true emotion.
Former Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy believes that loneliness is a public health concern:
A root cause and contributor to many of the epidemics sweeping the world today from alcohol and drug addition to violence to depression and anxiety.
There are 3 Dimensions of Loneliness:
- Intimate – emotional connection: a deep bond of affection and trust
- Relational – social connections: quality friendships and support
- Collective – community connections: network of common interests or purpose
If you are feeling lonely, chances are your tank is running low on one (or more) of these connections. My mentor/friend fulfilled a relational need to get me through a difficult situation.
I cannot emphasize enough that humans are social creatures that depend on one another. These connections are critical to our function.
Looking at this through the lens of pandemic, it is likely that you are feeling lonely. Admittedly, I am. My tank is currently running low on all 3 dimensions. FaceTime does not replace face time.
There is no shame in the admission of loneliness or any other emotion society conceives as “bad.” This pandemic is going to have lasting effects on our psyches. Self-awareness is imperative, and our ability to identify our emotions will help us get through this thing long-term. āļø
