by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Fuego.

You know those people who in very few words can ignite a spark đź’Ą within you?  I met with one of those people recently.  A woman that I highly respect and appreciate.  She tells it to me like it is, laid out as fact, but with a tone that is sincere and caring, not accusatory and demeaning.  The distinction in her delivery is important.  Great leaders cater the message for the recipient to feel in a positive way.

With all this COVID shit going on, I’ve been feeling a lot of different emotions.  I’ve been trying to be patient with these emotions, because I’m not sure if I’m feeling them just because COVID has disrupted my “normal” life or if they are indicators that it’s time for a change. 

I think it’s both.

If you remember from this post, there are underlying themes to our emotions.  The underlying theme for happiness is making reasonable progress toward the attainment of a goal.  In the Trust Factor, Zak talks about “challenge stress”.  The moderate stress of being challenged to reach an attainable goal releases neurochemicals, including oxytocin and adrenocorticotropin.

Oxytocin is sometimes referred to as the “love hormone” or “cuddle hormone” because it is released when socially bonding.  This is how trust is created in relationships, personally or professionally.  Adrenocorticotropin is produced in response to biological stress and intensifies your focus.

I live in a constant state of improvement.  I want to leave this world knowing that I lived my best life, and I make the conscience effort to better myself everyday in order to achieve this.  (Some days are better than others, let’s be real.)  In my posts about Insecurity and Emotion, I talk about celebrating small wins.  Not every day am I out slaying large goals, and I need the reminder that there are small successes.  Turns out, celebrating small wins can make all the difference in how you feel and perform.  It’s called the Progress Principle.

Of all the things that can boost inner work life, the most important is making progress in meaningful work.

Teresa Amabile and Steven J. Kramer

Personally, I thrive on being challenged.  I like work.  Bottom line.  If I’m not working hard toward something, I’m not as happy as when I am.  And currently, I’m not feeling challenged.  What I struggle with as an employee and as an entrepreneur:

  • As an employee, my challenges are typically set forth by someone else.  Although I somewhat operate in an “ask for forgiveness” fashion, there are still limitations and boundaries that have to be respected within the workplace.
  • As an entrepreneur, it feels like I’m wandering through the forest without a map or compass.  I take small strides forward because I don’t know how the hell to get where I want to go.

But each of these are challenges within their own right that must first be overcome.

What my mentor/friend said to light a spark beneath me was this:

Step up!  Your capability and awareness is greater than the environment that you’re in.

Sometimes, it takes someone else to point out what you’ve “known” all along.  Now, it’s time to reflect and come up with a strategic plan. What that may look like, I dunno yet. Maybe it’s an emotional renewal. Maybe it’s a side hustle breakthrough. Either way, it’s going to bring 🔥!

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Expectations.

I had several conversations this week that essentially revolved around expectations.  Each conversation was unique with different circumstances, different personalities, different goals, and different intentions.  So when I said intentions don’t matter, I was kind of lying.  But really, it all depends.

  • In one conversation, we were talking about how a specific person has a reputation of over-promising and under-delivering.  The consistent under-delivery has now become my expectation.  Whether he cannot produce due to intentional or accidental circumstances, it doesn’t matter.  The habit formed has shaped my opinion of him, and I now find him unreliable and untrustworthy.  This will ultimately lead to a dissolution of the relationship, unless he can rebuild his credibility.
  • Another conversation had to do with taking on more responsibility.  I flat out asked, “What is your expectation?”  I want to clearly understand what is expected of me in order to perform to the best of my ability.  I don’t want to become that person who over-promises and under-delivers, because I didn’t understand what the expectation was in the first place. Ultimately, yes, miscommunication and misunderstandings happen.  By trying to sort out those details up front, we can hopefully move forward efficiently and productively.
  • The last conversation had to do with someone who led me to believe something that was not actually fact.  I have a feeling that he did not intentionally lead me to believe false information, but that there was a misunderstanding that never got corrected.  It has since spiraled into something much larger than anticipated, where it’s almost too late to turn back.  But at this point, I’m losing trust in him.  He’s essentially perpetuating the lie by not coming forward with the truth.

I try to be very clear with my expectations. There is an expectation to everything that we do. I like it all laid out up front. I want to know the end goal, and the parameters I have to work within. The more I grow in life and leadership, the more important these expectations have become to me.

Every once in awhile, my dad will ask me to help him with something. He’ll ask me to hold this, then tighten this, then move this, whatever. Then he’ll get frustrated with me, because I’ll inevitably not perform to his expectation. Likely, because with every task I complete, I think I am done helping because that’s all that he asked me to do. But if he had said, “Lacy, can you hold this, while I tighten this, because I want to move this to there…” Clear direction. 🙌 I know exactly what I am in for and what I will be committed to help do. Then we’ll be moving forward with the same expectation, the same goal, ultimately, avoiding an argument.

Sound relatable?

I read a lot of books about management, leadership, and self-development. They essentially all say the same thing: You have to know what you are working toward, individually and collectively, personally and professionally. But it’s also about communication. And that’s a whole different topic, for whole different post, on an entirely different day.