by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

When Hindsight is 20/20, and the Future is Bright.

A couple of months before I quit my job, I was talking to a friend about a friend. The friend I was talking about made a big, hairy, audacious decision (I’m tweaking “BHAG“), and her life flourished afterward. I explained that is how life is supposed to go. Things are supposed to fall into place when you’re making the right decisions. Under tears, I asked, “What are the right decisions that I’m not making?” Because both my work life and my personal life had gotten much harder. 

Going into the new job in 2021, I was aware of some reservations. Ultimately, I chose to listen to my head rather than my heart. And I was semi-conscious of that decision. I was coming to terms with things in my personal life, and I didn’t feel like I could 💯 trust what my emotions were telling me.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20. And I think blaming my emotions on certain issues I was dealing with personally was an excuse. Although that, I did not realize at the time. I thought I was being logical and rational.

It’s not a secret that my dream is to be a writer. While I do not think that is my immediate next step, the job I took wasn’t going to get me closer to that goal. That, I did know. But that job was everything I had been working for, and I’m glad I took it, because I would have regretted the “what if” if I didn’t take it. (And it got me closer to realizing what I do want.)

But I heard something on Instagram the other day that perfectly summarizes the uneasiness I felt in my soul.

The magic you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding.

My immediate reaction was, “FFFFFFFFFFFk.” If you know what I mean. I don’t know who said it. But it eloquently states what I absolutely knew was true.

I also read:

The only thing standing between you and your goal is the story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.

Jordan Belfort

What we see online makes everything look so easy. “Just go out and do it,” they say. (From people who have already done it and are successful at it. 🙄) I think that’s what I painfully enjoy about expressing my fears and insecurities here. You may have saw me excitedly post about my new business on Instagram, but inside, I felt sick to my stomach taking that step and declaring my next move. I want you to know that. I don’t want to live in smoke and mirrors.

Taking the leap of faith to find magic comes with less in some ways and more in others. As Mel Robbins says, “Choose your hard.”

And I have reached a place where I am tired of telling myself I can’t do it. I am tired of making excuses. I am tired of listening to my head when it’s not aligned with my heart. I am tired of letting what other people project onto me infiltrate my thoughts and instill doubt when I am confident in what I can do (and will do).

It irritates TF out of me when people tell you not to wait until you’re retired to enjoy your life. When they say, “Life is too short to do things that make you unhappy.” Then you make decisions to give you that freedom, that happiness, and that fulfillment, and they’re all like, “Ohhh, are you sure you want to do that?”

For the first time in a long time, my response to them will now be a deadpan, “Yes.”

I am certain this is what I want to do. I no longer want to allow other people to instill (more and unsolicited) doubt and insecurity in my life, when they do not have the courage to make BHADs themselves. So, while I hope to shamelessly project confidence as I move forward on this venture, you’ll know my secret: that I am choosing the hard that makes my dream come true. And I am doing it with fear, every step of the way.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Dreams.

I have so many unpublished post drafts in my dashboard, countless others in a Word document, and several others in a Google Drive folder. As always, I’ve been taking some time to reflect. When I read through these posts, it’s an insightful reminder of the emotions felt, lessons learned, and journey taken over the past year.

Many posts do not get published, because my thoughts feel incomplete or I feel the post will be read in standalone judgement rather than in the greater context of who I am and what I write about. I don’t want my thoughts on a specific topic to be taken the wrong way, especially when I am usually always open-minded, inquisitive, generally speaking, and most importantly: still learning.

I wanted to be a writer ever since I can remember. When I look at successful writers and how they got their start through blogging, the story is mostly the same: frequent publishing and sharing – neither of which I really do. They say that to be a professional writer, you need to have been published and paid for your work as a main occupation. Sounds stressful to me, honestly. I want to be comfortable with the words I publish. Topics are usually meaningful, and my thoughts cannot be rushed to reach a deadline.

Dreams change.

Sure, I would love to see my name atop a best seller list. But today, I am content. It’s not a dream I want to chase at this stage of my life, and I am pleased to publish what I want when I want to my handful of readers. (So thank you for stopping by. ☺️)

I’ve actually been feeling professional contentment for a few months now. And can I just tell you how freaking amazing it feels?

A master’s degree was something I kind of always wanted, but never really thought I would get. Done. ✅ And I recently started a new job at the level I had been working so hard to reach. ✅ The milestones I set for myself have been achieved, and at this point, I don’t have anything specific on the horizon. It feels so. incredibly. peaceful. to be able to just enjoy the view. 🌅

But that’s not to say I’m not working on other goals. At Facts from Farmers, we’ve been non-publicly working with growers in our community to do amazing things for our farmworkers. I’ve been spending intentional time with family and friends, and giving myself the grace to know when I won’t be bringing them my best self. And Kali and I have become BFFs while leisurely working on our roping partnership.

This is more for me than it is for you, but it’s okay to plateau. It’s okay to put dreams on hold. It’s also okay to scrap those dreams all together.

I’ve been hustling for 10+ years to get where I am. And truthfully, where I am, isn’t even a dream I knew I had until I started working toward it.

When I intentionally think about when people refer to life as a crazy ride, I can’t help but chuckle how true the statement is. It is full of unexpected twists and turns. There are uphill climbs that you anticipate, where the downward side may be an unexpected drop or a relatively smooth transition. It might be like the Haunted Mansion, where something jumps out and surprises you. It might be like Indiana Jones, when you’re focused on the giant rock coming toward you, but God has other plans and sweeps you away to something else.

I’ve said it time and time again, we learn, we grow, and we change. It would be silly of us to think that our dreams don’t evolve too. But more importantly, we need to recognize when those dreams do change, or diminish, or come true.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Pause.

Today, we are so caught up in media, technology, gossip, global news, economic in/stability, and essentially, way more things than I can list.  The advancement of having entertainment at our fingertips has increasingly distracted and distanced us from our need to self-reflect.  And yes, it is a need.  

When we turn our attention inward, it increases creativity and intimacy.  Focusing on our thoughts, identifying our feelings, and pondering our purpose and value activates the part of our brains that bring meaning to our lives and strengthens our identity – both of which contribute to a positive well-being.

Some people can find moments of pause throughout their day to reflect, show gratitude, pray, and/or appreciate; others have to make the time for it.  I’m both.  I need a lot of solitude.  I can appreciate in the small moments of the day-to-day grind, but, at least, probably once a month, I need a full day.  

During this day, I read, write, think, reflect, dream, and feel.  If there’s a lot of shit going on like there has been lately, I need more time alone.  I don’t function well when I can’t fully process the things that are happening around me.  I don’t need to understand everything, but I do need the time to fully digest it and let it settle.

[Side story: My Toastmasters mentor was encouraging me to practice my speeches during my drive time. I said, “Absa-F’ing-lutley. Not.” (Except a lot more eloquently.) Really what I said was, “I can’t do that. My drive time is sacred.” And truly it is. Drive time is my day-to-day pause time.]

As you know, I’m pretty fascinated by how our brains and our bodies work individually and collectively.  To continue on my current obsession of our heart, it actually acts as a great symbol ❤️ for our need to pause and reflect.  

The heart operates in two phases: systole and diastole.  Most people think that the systole phase is where all the action lies, because it’s pumping blood out to all of our other vital organs.  But it’s actually the diastole phase, where the heart relaxes that is the most important.  In this phase, the coronary blood vessels fill and supply oxygen to the heart muscle itself.  Without this pause, our heart would not receive the oxygen required to keep our heart pumping to supply blood to all of our other organs.  It’s the pause that keeps us alive.   

I’m going to repeat that for effect: It’s the pause that keeps us alive.

But truly think about this for a second: The heart receives oxygen when it relaxes. (Oxygen gives us life, people!) And it’s in the relaxation phase, the pause, that we receive the vital nutrients needed. to. live. 🤯‼️

Self-care is critical to our function. As I mentioned in my post about grief, our ability to indulge in external self-care has been limited in the age of COVID. So take the time to pause! It costs nothing, yet can have profound impacts.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Standards.

I had the TV on in the background one evening, when I overheard something that made me pause.

He said, “Maybe your standards are too high.”
She replied, “Our standards are who we are.”

They weren’t talking about dating. They were talking about quality of work. Now, I’ve been thinking about my own standards, both personally and professionally, a lot over the past year or so. Am I setting my expectations too high? Are these realistic things to achieve?

Honestly, I get teased a lot because I was a straight A student, and I always strive for 100% on my audits. I set my sights for ideal. And if I talk about any struggles I’m facing trying to reach that ideal, people respond that I should reevaluate my expectations or lower my bar. And even when said in a joking manner, it irritates me that people are actually encouraging me to essentially give up when things get a little tough. It’s completely backward.

In The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, Mark Manson talks about some guy named Becker and his theory of “immortality projects.” Immortality projects are the things that drive us to leave behind a legacy. Becker believed that humans are so fearful of death, that it drives them to do great things to be remembered when their physical bodies leave the world.

Religion, politics, sports, art, and technological innovation are the result of people’s immortality projects.

Manson explains that these immortality projects are our values. And values can be defined as the standards of one’s own behavior. Like, whoa, right? I’ll give you a second to re-read that.

If the standards we set drive our behavior to achieve things out of life, why would I ever strive for something less than great?

Our values are what we find important in life, and if we don’t hold those important things in life to a high standard, well, I mean, who wants to go through life being mediocre? I want to go through life standing out, trailblazing my own path, and marching to my own drum.

Personally and professionally, I strive for perfection. But I’m not a perfectionist. I know that shit happens and that reality doesn’t always live up to our expectation. So why would I ever strive for less than perfection knowing that the expectation may not be met?

Our standards really are who we are, and they are what motivates us to move forward. I mean, we don’t aim to run 3/4 of the race, we aim to run the whole damn thing!

Here’s the kind of funny part about it all: I ignore the people who tell me to reevaluate my standards or lower my bar. I thrive when presented with a challenge, so bring on that hard work! That little bit of struggle is what separates the good from the great. And if I had listened to those people telling me to “give it a rest”, I wouldn’t be out here slaying goals. So dare to dream and do you! 💕