by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Passion.

Merriam-Webster defines passion as an “intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction.”  I don’t really like this definition.  I can have intense feelings of happiness or sadness or anger or any other emotion.  I feel like passion is more encompassing, but I’m not sure of what.  

You always hear motivational and inspirational speakers tell you to “Find your passion.”  Like, what does that even mean? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Why don’t they say “Find what you love?” or “Find what makes you happy?”  What is it about passion that sets it apart?

I’ve had a lot of jobs in a lot of different industries.  But it wasn’t until I started working in farming that I truly began to understand what “find your passion” meant. In the day-to-day, I truly enjoy helping produce a safe and healthy food supply for my family, my community, and beyond.  I can be out walking a field and feel pure happiness, if even just for a moment.  I can submit paperwork and feel pride.  I can learn from an irrigator and feel connection. I can teach leadership and feel helpful.

But there are some days…

There are some days when I personally feel attacked, my role feels attacked, or when I feel my company or industry is being attacked – you wanna talk about intense feelings? 🤬 The anger and frustration can shoot straight through to my core.  Claws come out, and I. am. ready to pull out all. the. guns.  I can go from an extreme of positive emotions to an extreme of negative emotions in a matter of seconds. But the good days by far outweigh the bad days. And even on the bad days, there are few things I’d rather do more.

That. is. passion.

Kevin Hall defines passion as “A willingness to suffer for what you love” – a definition I really like.

But I don’t think passion is something you find. I think passion is like love.  It. finds. you.  When the time is right.  Society puts so much pressure on us to have both within a timeframe it deems “normal.”  As a collective, who is society to set these standards when we consider how many people are in unhappy marriages and unhappy in their careers?  

A “calling” is accompanied by “conviction of divine influence.”

Conviction is referenced in the Merriam-Webster definitions of passion and calling. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Conviction and passion are rooted in belief. Belief is putting trust or confidence in someone or some thing. Put that belief in yourself and your God, and you will find your passion when your passion finds you. It’s ethos, pathos, and logos working together.

All those random jobs I had before farming gave me perspective. Ten years ago, I didn’t have the confidence or the backbone to do what I do today. There’s a reason I found my calling when I did. I don’t think this is my only calling either. I think this is where I am supposed to be at this time in my life. And as I feel myself undergoing transformational change, this phase of life is just a stretch of highway on the journey.

As we learn and we grow, we change. Ten years from now, I can be in a completely different place. We don’t know what life has in store for us. Perhaps we must go through the rough waters until we reach our passion, and at that point it becomes smooth sailing. ⛵️ But not without challenge – just challenge you’re better suited to navigate. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I dunno; I’m learning as I go too!

But what I do know, is that I think most people equate passion with happiness. If we find our passion, we become happier. But there is nothing about suffering that makes one happy. I think passion is a balance between positive and negative emotions; it is contentment.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Closure.

Making sense of something we have lost is the acceptance stage of grief.  Seeking closure can stem from any form of loss, not just the loss of a relationship.  An explanation or answer as to why we lost something can provide us with the opportunity to learn something about ourselves or the other person or situation (whatever it may be).

Closure exists on a scale; different personalities may be more prone to seek closure than others.  Not receiving closure for people who need it can lead to psychological distress.  

One study found that people who prefer order and predictability – having a more rigid way of thinking and a low tolerance for ambiguity – struggle when they are unable to find the answers to help them move on. In contrast, people who are more open minded, creative and comfortable with ambiguity are better able to cope with not achieving closure.

(source)

I’m not one way or the other. My personal need for closure is definitely on a scale. While I can logically come to terms with something, it might take me a little longer emotionally.

Remember when I wanted to have a courageous conversation with someone who avoided the conversation altogether? This was a situation where I had to accept ambiguity in closure. I knew that seeking out further closure would not make me feel better. I knew that it had the potential to actually make me feel worse, so I had to accept it for what it was.

Most people need closure most when termination of the event is significant, holding particular value or meaning. And that’s true. This person was important to me. While my head knows his reaction to the situation will have me better off in the long run, my heart is still hurting from the loss of our friendship. I learned something about myself and the other person in this situation, but that hasn’t made accepting it any easier or allowed me to move on from it any quicker.

In terms of COVID, life before pandemic was pretty damn great. And while it didn’t change dramatically, it changed enough. What makes COVID so tough is we are still in the midst of it. We don’t know if there’s going to be another wave in the fall or spring. We don’t know when our economy is going to re-open at full capacity. We don’t know what changes the election will bring. There is so. much. uncertainty. It’s hard to accept what it is, as it is, when it is constantly changing.

I think finding closure is a lot like handling disappointment. When you operate with ethos and logos, closure is a little more tangible. When you you operate with ethos and pathos, closure is a little more ambiguous. But when you’ve lost something of significance, it’s likely that you’ve put your head and your heart on the line. The more you have invested, the more emotional ramifications there will be, and the road to closure may take a little longer than anticipated.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Truth.

The truth can hurt.  That is fact.  But wouldn’t you rather know the truth than believe a lie or lie by omission?  I would.  Not knowing and feelings of uncertainty can linger for as long as something is being avoided.  I don’t want to live in discomfort indefinitely.  I would rather quick pain of the truth, so I can feel it, and move on from it.  Rip the Band-Aid off. 🩹 Quick and painful is better than slow and painful.  Yeah?

I do believe “the truth will set you free,” but I also believe some people “can’t handle the truth.”  This is true of myself too.  We cannot control our emotional reaction, but we can manage that emotion.  And some of us manage our emotions better than others.

I recently got news that I didn’t want to hear.  But it told me where I stood, and I appreciated that.  While I’m still hurting a bit from this truth, there are no hard feelings.  I’m not angry at this person for expressing his opinion.  In reflection, I agree with him, though it wasn’t a truth I was ready to face. 

I also had to give someone else some news he didn’t want to hear.  He was definitely disappointed. But instead of acknowledging that I have permission to feel what I feel and form opinions/make decisions accordingly, he got angry with me.  This was obviously a truth he wasn’t ready to face.

I think there are several factors that contributed to the different reactions in each situation: maturity, emotional intelligence, importance of relationship, and credibility, to name a few.  But at the end of the day, we have to do what is best for ourselves.  We must speak our truth.  How someone else handles it is on them.  

Although the news I received was news I didn’t to hear, how can I be angry with someone for speaking his truth?  I can’t. He has his own path to follow leading to an impeccable life.  And yeah, it hurt for a while, but the courage he had to speak his truth actually turned out better for me too.  And for the guy who didn’t like my truth and got angry with me? Well, it’s really no longer my problem. 😬 

We can take this truth concept back to ethos, pathos, and logos too. Truth in logic makes sense.  There is tangible evidence to substantiate opinion.  But truth in emotion eludes us.  We only have trust to substantiate opinion.  There’s nothing tangible for us to grasp. Which, I think is why we must have faith that it all works out in accordance to a greater plan. ✝️

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Disappointment.

The underlying theme for disappointment is unmet expectations.  How true is that when you really think about it?  When I’m disappointed in myself, I am usually left questioning, “What did I do wrong?  How could I have done better?”  When I’m disappointed in someone else, I’m usually left wondering, “If he would only…” 🙄

It’s harder for me to be disappointed in other people than it is to be disappointed in myself.  At least when I haven’t met my own expectations, I can reflect to see if I laid my head and my heart on the line (logic and emotion).  If I didn’t, I know to do better and can take steps toward improvement.  

Other people, well…it seems a lot of other people are comfortable with complacency.

Did you ever learn about rhetoric appeals?

Rhetoric appeals are tools described by Aristotle used to persuade.  If you’re trying to convince someone of something, do you tug at their heart strings (emotions aka “pathos”) or do you need to present facts and data (logic aka “logos”)? And how do you establish your credibility (aka “ethos”) to make this person believe you?

Personally, I don’t think successful persuasive arguments focus on one or the other, I think it’s a combination of all three.  The argument should be fluid, laying in more heavily to one or the other depending on the reactions you receive.

I also believe that ethos, pathos, and logos can be applied to nearly anything in life, not just persuasive arguments. To help explain what I mean, I created a structure of appeals*:

Our ethics are our guiding principles. Like a company’s mission statement, these things rarely change. Even the most analytical person has a heart, and even the most emotional person appreciates facts. Utilizing all three drives results.

  • Ethos is my goal – It’s an expectation I’ve set for myself driven by personal beliefs.
  • Pathos is my intuition – It’s my passion, my energy, and my attitude.
  • Logos is my work – It’s the actions that go into reaching my goal.

If I don’t put my head and my heart into reaching my goal, I have a greater chance of being disappointed. When I lay both on the line, I know that I’ve done all that I can do.

I think most people focus on logic or emotion. (Or they’re complacent and don’t really give a shit about any of it. 🤷🏻‍♀️) We default to our strengths; that’s human nature. But if I want to be successful in any area of life, I’m gonna try my best not to half-ass it by focusing on one or the other.

I have a friend who is very driven by his morals and logic-focused. He says he wants to be the best he can be. But he neglects the importance of emotional intelligence and self-awareness. He dismisses emotions as touchy/feely nonsense; he equates emotions to weakness.

But if you remember Brené Brown’s earliest definition of courage…

To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.

We would never dismiss facts, so why do we so easily dismiss emotions as important? Emotions are non-verbal cues (facts) from our heart! If my friend truly wants to be the best he can be, he needs to change the narrative. Based on this definition, being vulnerable with our emotions is lit.er.a.lly. the. most. courageous thing we can do!

When you have to do something you don’t want to do, it sucks, right? You don’t give it your best effort. It becomes something you tolerate. You’re guided by ethos, using logos, and results are likely mediocre.

But when you do something you want to do, it’s a completely different ballgame. You give it your best effort. You’re enthusiastic about it. You’re guided by ethos, using logos and pathos, and results are likely stellar.

I hate being disappointed by others, so the last thing I want to do is disappointment someone else. This is why I like expectations to be laid out upfront: to minimize confusion or miscommunication. I can control how much head and heart I put into whatever I do, but I can’t control how much head and heart someone else puts into whatever they do. Laying out clear expectations at least sets that person up for success. What they choose to do with it then becomes up to them.

*I can’t take full credit for this, because I feel like it’s an adaptation of things that I’ve learned. But having learned those things over time, I can’t pinpoint the specific influence.