by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Gratitude.

Life has been really F’ing hard lately. It feels like I have been rolling with punch after punch, that I haven’t even had the opportunity to indulge in a little “woe is me.”

While I’ve been surface-level complaining, I haven’t been able to process deeply. I haven’t been alone or free long enough to really meditate in those negative emotions. Because. life. is. cray. I have so much on my plate. I heard that sometimes upon graduation, students think that they are going to go out and celebrate their independence, but they all end up getting sick instead. Their bodies go into survival mode to get them through, and once it is over, the body is like “No, chick. Our celebration is lying in bed all day, not drinking mimosas by the pool.” I anticipate this happening to me. 😂😬

I am fully in survival mode. And there is something strange about realizing it.

While I was technically on vacation for two weeks, the time that I wasn’t in BFE was spent doing homework. And I was still checking emails every time I strolled into service, because I really don’t have qualified back up at work. (Food safety is seriously specialized.🙄) Returning to work was like I never left.

After two break downs in three days, I reached out to some friends. While we caught up visiting, I was also able to divulge some of my struggles. This got me thinking about my post on support, because they lifted me up. I felt supported. But I was also like, but, they didn’t do anything. They were just there for me and listened. And I realized, that. is. the. action. Their words of encouragement were just icing on the supportive cake.

It’s funny too, because that same day I was talking to someone else about a gratitude journal. I told him that I had started one a long time ago when I was going through a hard time. But I stopped, because the things that I was thankful for became, “I woke up. I didn’t get in a car accident. I have my health.” And while, yes, these are things to be grateful for, I was missing the point. It was generic gratitude, not purposeful gratitude. I wasn’t actually feeling grateful for those things. I was going through the motions.

So I stopped the gratitude journal. I realized that some days good things, (beyond the normal good things), just don’t happen. Of course, I am grateful for my existence, my health, my safety, and that of my family and friends. That goes without question.

Yesterday, I finally got a pre-harvest assessment I had been requesting from a harvest supervisor. And it was wrong.😖 I was like, okay, but, at least I got the pre-harvest assessment. That should be something to be grateful for. These are the things I would write in the gratitude journal. But these are silver linings. It’s optimism, not gratitude. It’s not the same.

When I got home and had time to reflect on my day, my friendships, and my network, I truly felt grateful. I am surrounded by good people who believe in me. That is awesome. I am so. damn. lucky.

But let’s be real, it didn’t make me feel any better about my situation, my circumstances, or my problems. Those didn’t magically disappear. I’m in the midst of some life changes. There is still turbulence. This is still survival mode. But their support and encouragement just doused the fire to keep me moving forward.

Truly, it is amazing how small gestures of kindness can impact people’s lives. I’m sure my friends had no idea how an hour of their time made me feel so. much. better. about myself and my ability to continue persevering. They say that it is calm in the eye of the storm. 🌪 When you are surrounded by chaos, reach out to those who keep you grounded.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Strength.

I was recently asked, “What makes you feel strong?”  The question caught me off-guard, and I did a quick analysis of my life.  I thought about my job, being a volunteer, public speaking, relationships, travel, the programs I’ve been part of, the opportunities I’ve had, and being a leader.  Without much conscious thought, I replied, “I feel strongest in my weakest moments.”

Then I got caught off-guard by my own response, and I’ve been thinking about it since.  I’m realizing how true the statement is.  

There have been times where I am curled up in a ball, crying, feeling every piece of my heart break 💔, experiencing extremely deep hurts that translate into actual pain.  In these moments of complete emotional vulnerability, there is something empowering in knowing that I. will. make. it through.  It’s absolute faith in God’s greater plan.  It is resilience in action.

It seems to me that almost everything we equate to strength in our culture today is actually the opposite of what strength is.  Strength is the power to resist force or attack. Read that slowly, intentionally, and take it in.

I don’t want this to be a political post, but there are so many examples in our political climate.  Truly peaceful protests are a sign of strength.  When it takes a turn to violence and vandalism, it is no longer a demonstration of strength.  It is a sign of weakness, because we have not resisted the urge to fight or attack.  Consider how much effort (aka strength) it takes to hold back emotion when we are angry.   I had to have a courageous conversation with my boss a couple of weeks ago, and it took everything I had to not burst into tears.

There is a big difference between leaning into our emotions and letting our emotions control us.  There is a right time and a right place.  There are healthy and unhealthy ways to manage our feelings.  

I’m not really much of a runner anymore, but a couple of months ago, I was going through some tough shit.  I decided to go pound pavement; I needed my body to feel the pain my heart was feeling.  I talked it out and I cried it out, but I still wasn’t feeling any better.  So I ran it out.  And man, did it help. 🏃🏻‍♀️  

I ran hard, and fast, and for a surprisingly long time!  When I stopped, I thought my lungs were going to collapse.  I let out all of my pain in that run.  Kind of like Phoebe…only angrily…🤪

Not only did the run make me feel emotionally strong, but it made me feel physically strong. I’m not saying running is the solution for everyone. Now, I will literally only run if I’m experiencing that kind of hurt. (Running is not fun. 😂)

In leadership, you must lead yourself, before you lead others, before you lead organizations. This is why self-awareness is so important. When we become more attuned to our own emotions, we naturally (and unconsciously) gain the ability to recognize signals in others increasing our empathetic ability to hopefully respond with kindness and compassion. Leadership requires a strong foundation, and it all begins with you.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

The Bar.

Everyone has an opinion on my love life.  And as much as I hate it, I also appreciate that so many people care about me and my happiness.  But I get a lot of commentary that needs to be drowned out, mostly, because very few people actually know me truly well enough to have a valid opinion.

Many of these comments have to do with my expectations, and that I’ve set the bar too high.  Every time I hear one of these comments, it really bothers me.  Even when said in a joking manner, it bums me out. 😔 

I am so fortunate to have incredible men in my life.  From my dad, to my grandpas, to each of my uncles, and to our lifelong family friend who is the closest thing I have to a brother.  Not to mention, my brother-in-law and several guy friends. These men want the best for me and care for my well-being.

Then there’s my dad’s friends, the ones he grew up with or the ones he goes hunting with.  Some may be a little rough around the edges, but they have been good, loyal friends to my dad.  They care about our family, and I know any one of them would be there should we ever need their help.

I also have hunting buddies, men I volunteer with, men I learn with, men who advise me on leadership and business, men I work with – all of these men have good hearts, a good work ethic, a good sense of humor; they are kind, generous, smart, and caring gentlemen.

My bar is not set on community involvement, on social status, or whatever other superficial quality you want to try and call me out on.  Yeah, these things may play a role in my dream guy, but I also know that what I want and what I may get can be totally different people.  There are very few men who pique my interest enough to even want to give my time to. Don’t shut down my hopes that there’s at least one good one still out there.

Realistically, my bar is set based on the men I am surrounded by.  It is set by their character, their charisma, their ethics, their morals, their values, and their chivalrous behavior.  Telling me that my bar is set too high is discounting the quality of men that I am so. damn. lucky. to have in my life. 

And because a lot of times it is these very men that are teasing me that my bar is set too high:

Don’t sell yourself so short!  Be proud of who you are, because I sure am. Until the time is right, God gave me the strength to endure this journey alone. I’m okay with that. I would much rather fly solo than settle for someone who does not measure up to the standard you have proven me worthy. Each of you have shown me qualities of a good man, and I am so grateful to call you friends, mentors, and family. 💕

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by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Loneliness.

Why is it that loneliness seems to be an unacceptable sentiment in our society? Is it because we are social animals, and so long as we are around people we shouldn’t be lonely? What I think is ironic about this is that I’m willing to bet WAY more people feel lonely than are willing to admit. (And I’m not a gambler, I am that confident with my odds here.)

People tend to generalize emotions. I am victim of this too. I recently talked to a mentor/friend, and she said to me, “Lacy, you keep coming back to the injustices.” Internally, I was like, “Cool”, 😒 (in one ear and out the other), and kept explaining to her what I was going through and the circumstances of the situation. She repeated herself, “Lacy, you keep coming back to the injustices.”

There are underlying themes around our feelings. Here are a few examples:

  • Unmet expectations = Disappointment
  • Wanting what someone else has = Envy
  • Impending danger = Fear
  • Achieving a goal = Joy

What my mentor/friend was getting at was that I was using all of these examples to explain the emotion that I couldn’t just name, but I wasn’t even aware yet that I was feeling! 🤦🏻‍♀️

  • Injustice = Anger

She was right. I was angry over this issue. With each explanation, I was implying that the situation and circumstances weren’t fair to me. And I didn’t even realize it. Sometimes, we are so invested that we are not objective. This is when our social connections become critical. (More on that a few paragraphs down.)

My point is that so. many. people communicate the underlying theme of loneliness without identifying the true emotion.

Former Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy believes that loneliness is a public health concern:

A root cause and contributor to many of the epidemics sweeping the world today from alcohol and drug addition to violence to depression and anxiety.

There are 3 Dimensions of Loneliness:

  1. Intimate – emotional connection: a deep bond of affection and trust
  2. Relational – social connections: quality friendships and support
  3. Collective – community connections: network of common interests or purpose

If you are feeling lonely, chances are your tank is running low on one (or more) of these connections. My mentor/friend fulfilled a relational need to get me through a difficult situation.

I cannot emphasize enough that humans are social creatures that depend on one another. These connections are critical to our function.

Looking at this through the lens of pandemic, it is likely that you are feeling lonely. Admittedly, I am. My tank is currently running low on all 3 dimensions. FaceTime does not replace face time.

There is no shame in the admission of loneliness or any other emotion society conceives as “bad.” This pandemic is going to have lasting effects on our psyches. Self-awareness is imperative, and our ability to identify our emotions will help us get through this thing long-term. ☀️

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Friends & Family.

People never cease to amaze me – and today, I mean that in a good way! Over the past several years, I’ve grown a part from many friends and have gained many others. It doesn’t mean that I think less of those friends I don’t see or speak to often, it means that our lives have taken different directions.

As 2019 comes to a close, I think of all of that’s changed. They say that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. As I reflect on my friendships, old and new, I understand why these people have come and gone (or stayed) in my life. Some I expect to reconnect with once our lives re-align. Others, I recognize our time together has passed.

The thing about family though is that even when you grow a part, you are still tied together. While my professional life has taken turns that I never expected, my personal life has stayed pretty constant. Over the past several years, I’ve seen cousins marry and have children, grow in their careers and quit unhappy jobs. We’ve had health scares and hospital visits. We’ve celebrated life and mourned it as well.

I was talking to my brother-in-law a couple of weeks ago, and he said, “People don’t get our family.” I laughed. The Litten Compound is full of adventure. Between the nighttime flashlight and .22 meet-ups, the trophy photos of gophers and moles and skunks and possums and raccoons, to the rain gauge water thefts and falling trees, there is rarely a dull moment.

That adventure follows us Litten’s wherever we go. We have an amazing support system of loving and caring friends and family that thankfully find our lifestyle entertaining and choose to be part of it. But if I’m being honest, it’s taken me time to appreciate the quirks, and the changes.

I’m learning to embrace the changes and the uniqueness of our dynamic group, and it has me feeling incredibly proud of the adults my cousins have grown into, grateful that we can still depend on one another, and thankful that we’ve been raised the way we were. Looking around my social circle, I’m in disbelief that these intelligent, outgoing, motivated, and good-humored people include me in their ranks.

You are who you surround yourself with, so look around. There is so much to be thankful this holiday season.