by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

When Hindsight is 20/20, and the Future is Bright.

A couple of months before I quit my job, I was talking to a friend about a friend. The friend I was talking about made a big, hairy, audacious decision (I’m tweaking “BHAG“), and her life flourished afterward. I explained that is how life is supposed to go. Things are supposed to fall into place when you’re making the right decisions. Under tears, I asked, “What are the right decisions that I’m not making?” Because both my work life and my personal life had gotten much harder. 

Going into the new job in 2021, I was aware of some reservations. Ultimately, I chose to listen to my head rather than my heart. And I was semi-conscious of that decision. I was coming to terms with things in my personal life, and I didn’t feel like I could 💯 trust what my emotions were telling me.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20. And I think blaming my emotions on certain issues I was dealing with personally was an excuse. Although that, I did not realize at the time. I thought I was being logical and rational.

It’s not a secret that my dream is to be a writer. While I do not think that is my immediate next step, the job I took wasn’t going to get me closer to that goal. That, I did know. But that job was everything I had been working for, and I’m glad I took it, because I would have regretted the “what if” if I didn’t take it. (And it got me closer to realizing what I do want.)

But I heard something on Instagram the other day that perfectly summarizes the uneasiness I felt in my soul.

The magic you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding.

My immediate reaction was, “FFFFFFFFFFFk.” If you know what I mean. I don’t know who said it. But it eloquently states what I absolutely knew was true.

I also read:

The only thing standing between you and your goal is the story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.

Jordan Belfort

What we see online makes everything look so easy. “Just go out and do it,” they say. (From people who have already done it and are successful at it. 🙄) I think that’s what I painfully enjoy about expressing my fears and insecurities here. You may have saw me excitedly post about my new business on Instagram, but inside, I felt sick to my stomach taking that step and declaring my next move. I want you to know that. I don’t want to live in smoke and mirrors.

Taking the leap of faith to find magic comes with less in some ways and more in others. As Mel Robbins says, “Choose your hard.”

And I have reached a place where I am tired of telling myself I can’t do it. I am tired of making excuses. I am tired of listening to my head when it’s not aligned with my heart. I am tired of letting what other people project onto me infiltrate my thoughts and instill doubt when I am confident in what I can do (and will do).

It irritates TF out of me when people tell you not to wait until you’re retired to enjoy your life. When they say, “Life is too short to do things that make you unhappy.” Then you make decisions to give you that freedom, that happiness, and that fulfillment, and they’re all like, “Ohhh, are you sure you want to do that?”

For the first time in a long time, my response to them will now be a deadpan, “Yes.”

I am certain this is what I want to do. I no longer want to allow other people to instill (more and unsolicited) doubt and insecurity in my life, when they do not have the courage to make BHADs themselves. So, while I hope to shamelessly project confidence as I move forward on this venture, you’ll know my secret: that I am choosing the hard that makes my dream come true. And I am doing it with fear, every step of the way.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

All the Things I Can Do.

I have never been a big dreamer, and I’m actually somewhat thankful for that. I’m far too practical and reasonable to dream big. I feel big dreams have the potential to put unattainable goals in your distant future, and too many variables can pop up between now and then. I would rather take opportunities as they come or plan for things within a timeframe that is practical, reasonable, and attainable. 

I’m also quite aware that the future is not guaranteed. I have a hard time dreaming or planning too far ahead knowing full well the opportunity may never come. 

In the beginning of a leadership training I attended, a group of us were asked what we would do if we found out we only had a month to live. Most people responded that they would travel. I was the only person who said I would prefer to spend time at home with family and friends. Luggage, airports, airplanes, strangers, cab drivers, currency exchanges – honestly, ugh. That is not how I want to spend the last few weeks of my life.

It’s the people that we share experiences with that matter, and the idea of sharing my last days with people who care about me far exceeds my desire to explore the world. I want my last days to be filled with love, laughter, gratitude, and meaningful moments, not bustling streets in different parts of the world, exploring different cultures that put me outside my comfort zone. No. I want quiet, peaceful, safe, and comfortable. That atmosphere with friends and family will fill my cup up, and that’s how I want to remember living my life – fulfilled.

When I ponder the future and the opportunities that lie ahead, it’s foggy. I don’t know what it looks like beyond a short distance in front of me. And I’m okay with that.

For so long, I’ve been working on stretching myself so far that I’ve become a slave to my own routines, and the rules I’ve created for myself to be professionally successful. Make sure I get 8 hours of sleep. Eat dinner at a decent hour. Don’t stay out late on a work night. But my personality is actually far more easy going than the boundaries I’ve created for myself to operate within. But my commitments and obligations required structure in order for me to prioritize and complete. I spread myself thin, and it required a bit of rigidity.

What I hope (and have been planning) for, is more flexibility, so I have the availability to take opportunities as they come. 

I once heard that life is what happens when you least expect it, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a blueprint in your back pocket. I think that’s a healthy and realistic way to approach life. My family, friends, values, morals, and ethics are the roots that keep me grounded. My finances, home, and career make up the trunk that keeps me stable. The branches represent the unexpected – all the different things I can do and all the different directions those opportunities may point me. Some grow long and strong, others stay short, and some break off.

I can confidently say that I finally feel like I am to a point where my roots are deep, and my trunk is strong enough to withhold future growth from a variety of different experiences. And I am excited for what that may bring.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Dreams.

I have so many unpublished post drafts in my dashboard, countless others in a Word document, and several others in a Google Drive folder. As always, I’ve been taking some time to reflect. When I read through these posts, it’s an insightful reminder of the emotions felt, lessons learned, and journey taken over the past year.

Many posts do not get published, because my thoughts feel incomplete or I feel the post will be read in standalone judgement rather than in the greater context of who I am and what I write about. I don’t want my thoughts on a specific topic to be taken the wrong way, especially when I am usually always open-minded, inquisitive, generally speaking, and most importantly: still learning.

I wanted to be a writer ever since I can remember. When I look at successful writers and how they got their start through blogging, the story is mostly the same: frequent publishing and sharing – neither of which I really do. They say that to be a professional writer, you need to have been published and paid for your work as a main occupation. Sounds stressful to me, honestly. I want to be comfortable with the words I publish. Topics are usually meaningful, and my thoughts cannot be rushed to reach a deadline.

Dreams change.

Sure, I would love to see my name atop a best seller list. But today, I am content. It’s not a dream I want to chase at this stage of my life, and I am pleased to publish what I want when I want to my handful of readers. (So thank you for stopping by. ☺️)

I’ve actually been feeling professional contentment for a few months now. And can I just tell you how freaking amazing it feels?

A master’s degree was something I kind of always wanted, but never really thought I would get. Done. ✅ And I recently started a new job at the level I had been working so hard to reach. ✅ The milestones I set for myself have been achieved, and at this point, I don’t have anything specific on the horizon. It feels so. incredibly. peaceful. to be able to just enjoy the view. 🌅

But that’s not to say I’m not working on other goals. At Facts from Farmers, we’ve been non-publicly working with growers in our community to do amazing things for our farmworkers. I’ve been spending intentional time with family and friends, and giving myself the grace to know when I won’t be bringing them my best self. And Kali and I have become BFFs while leisurely working on our roping partnership.

This is more for me than it is for you, but it’s okay to plateau. It’s okay to put dreams on hold. It’s also okay to scrap those dreams all together.

I’ve been hustling for 10+ years to get where I am. And truthfully, where I am, isn’t even a dream I knew I had until I started working toward it.

When I intentionally think about when people refer to life as a crazy ride, I can’t help but chuckle how true the statement is. It is full of unexpected twists and turns. There are uphill climbs that you anticipate, where the downward side may be an unexpected drop or a relatively smooth transition. It might be like the Haunted Mansion, where something jumps out and surprises you. It might be like Indiana Jones, when you’re focused on the giant rock coming toward you, but God has other plans and sweeps you away to something else.

I’ve said it time and time again, we learn, we grow, and we change. It would be silly of us to think that our dreams don’t evolve too. But more importantly, we need to recognize when those dreams do change, or diminish, or come true.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Standards.

I had the TV on in the background one evening, when I overheard something that made me pause.

He said, “Maybe your standards are too high.”
She replied, “Our standards are who we are.”

They weren’t talking about dating. They were talking about quality of work. Now, I’ve been thinking about my own standards, both personally and professionally, a lot over the past year or so. Am I setting my expectations too high? Are these realistic things to achieve?

Honestly, I get teased a lot because I was a straight A student, and I always strive for 100% on my audits. I set my sights for ideal. And if I talk about any struggles I’m facing trying to reach that ideal, people respond that I should reevaluate my expectations or lower my bar. And even when said in a joking manner, it irritates me that people are actually encouraging me to essentially give up when things get a little tough. It’s completely backward.

In The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, Mark Manson talks about some guy named Becker and his theory of “immortality projects.” Immortality projects are the things that drive us to leave behind a legacy. Becker believed that humans are so fearful of death, that it drives them to do great things to be remembered when their physical bodies leave the world.

Religion, politics, sports, art, and technological innovation are the result of people’s immortality projects.

Manson explains that these immortality projects are our values. And values can be defined as the standards of one’s own behavior. Like, whoa, right? I’ll give you a second to re-read that.

If the standards we set drive our behavior to achieve things out of life, why would I ever strive for something less than great?

Our values are what we find important in life, and if we don’t hold those important things in life to a high standard, well, I mean, who wants to go through life being mediocre? I want to go through life standing out, trailblazing my own path, and marching to my own drum.

Personally and professionally, I strive for perfection. But I’m not a perfectionist. I know that shit happens and that reality doesn’t always live up to our expectation. So why would I ever strive for less than perfection knowing that the expectation may not be met?

Our standards really are who we are, and they are what motivates us to move forward. I mean, we don’t aim to run 3/4 of the race, we aim to run the whole damn thing!

Here’s the kind of funny part about it all: I ignore the people who tell me to reevaluate my standards or lower my bar. I thrive when presented with a challenge, so bring on that hard work! That little bit of struggle is what separates the good from the great. And if I had listened to those people telling me to “give it a rest”, I wouldn’t be out here slaying goals. So dare to dream and do you! 💕

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Expectations.

I had several conversations this week that essentially revolved around expectations.  Each conversation was unique with different circumstances, different personalities, different goals, and different intentions.  So when I said intentions don’t matter, I was kind of lying.  But really, it all depends.

  • In one conversation, we were talking about how a specific person has a reputation of over-promising and under-delivering.  The consistent under-delivery has now become my expectation.  Whether he cannot produce due to intentional or accidental circumstances, it doesn’t matter.  The habit formed has shaped my opinion of him, and I now find him unreliable and untrustworthy.  This will ultimately lead to a dissolution of the relationship, unless he can rebuild his credibility.
  • Another conversation had to do with taking on more responsibility.  I flat out asked, “What is your expectation?”  I want to clearly understand what is expected of me in order to perform to the best of my ability.  I don’t want to become that person who over-promises and under-delivers, because I didn’t understand what the expectation was in the first place. Ultimately, yes, miscommunication and misunderstandings happen.  By trying to sort out those details up front, we can hopefully move forward efficiently and productively.
  • The last conversation had to do with someone who led me to believe something that was not actually fact.  I have a feeling that he did not intentionally lead me to believe false information, but that there was a misunderstanding that never got corrected.  It has since spiraled into something much larger than anticipated, where it’s almost too late to turn back.  But at this point, I’m losing trust in him.  He’s essentially perpetuating the lie by not coming forward with the truth.

I try to be very clear with my expectations. There is an expectation to everything that we do. I like it all laid out up front. I want to know the end goal, and the parameters I have to work within. The more I grow in life and leadership, the more important these expectations have become to me.

Every once in awhile, my dad will ask me to help him with something. He’ll ask me to hold this, then tighten this, then move this, whatever. Then he’ll get frustrated with me, because I’ll inevitably not perform to his expectation. Likely, because with every task I complete, I think I am done helping because that’s all that he asked me to do. But if he had said, “Lacy, can you hold this, while I tighten this, because I want to move this to there…” Clear direction. 🙌 I know exactly what I am in for and what I will be committed to help do. Then we’ll be moving forward with the same expectation, the same goal, ultimately, avoiding an argument.

Sound relatable?

I read a lot of books about management, leadership, and self-development. They essentially all say the same thing: You have to know what you are working toward, individually and collectively, personally and professionally. But it’s also about communication. And that’s a whole different topic, for whole different post, on an entirely different day.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Work-Life Balance.

Rachel Hollis says the work-life balance is total crap. She says that the media caught on to the phrase and overused it to the point that we believe it’s an achievable goal – when it’s not. I don’t think she’s entirely wrong.

I have a friend. I love him. He’s great. But every once in awhile he says something that makes me want to straight up punch him in the face. We’ll be talking about something, and he’ll say, “Well, you’re not married, and you don’t have kids.” While I try to casually let it go, my internal response is more a series of: 🤯😡😤🤬.

You guys – that is a low blow.

First of all, it’s not like I don’t want those things, so thanks for pointing out that I don’t have them (asshole 🙄). Also, it’s not like I don’t have family or friends or obligations or meetings or appointments. It’s not like I don’t have financial ties or budgets to follow. It’s not like I don’t have no persons (or pets) to consider in the decisions I make. It’s not like I have nothing of importance in my life.

But just because I’m not married and don’t have kids does not mean that I don’t struggle with the juggle. (That sounds entirely inappopriate, so I kept it.) It also does not mean that your priorities hold more value than mine; our priorities are just different.

Don’t misconstrue that statement either. Yes, I recognize that a child holds more value than a meeting – or whatever. What I’m trying emphasize is that it’s your child and my meeting. Our choices have led us down different paths – neither is better or worse than the other based on our individual needs and destined directions. Don’t overthink it – K?

A co-worker and I frequently talk about competing priorities. For example: the romaine harvest foreman’s tractor broke down, and his crew is not making their normal piece rate. Meanwhile, the automatic Brussels sprouts harvesting machine went down, and the crew has to hand-harvest the field. Each foreman thinks that repairs on their equipment should be completed first = competing priorities.

I struggled with juggling hunting season with day-job demands and side-hustle goals. Hunting was sacrificed, because too many other things that hold greater future value presented themselves. Work held more weight than personal life, and that’s okay. When I took back-to-back hunting trips to New Zealand then Texas, life held more weight.

I think we look at this work-life balance in a perspective that is too small. We are looking at it daily, weekly, or monthly, when we should be looking at it yearly, or biennially or whatever – just some greater timeline.

Life can change in a day or a minute, even. But life happens over time.

We shouldn’t put so much pressure on ourselves to live for the moment or plan our life out, because let’s be real: life is competing priorities. I think it’s more important to recognize when one side is getting heavier than the other and adjust accordingly.

And it’s not about equal time. Two days away in the quiet mountains reconnecting with nature can rejuvenate me for another two weeks of crazy. A half-hour workout at 5 am can pump me up to take on a hectic day. An hour-long session with my horse on a calm Friday evening is a great way to ease into the weekend.

It’s about quality not quantity.