by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Gratitude.

Life has been really F’ing hard lately. It feels like I have been rolling with punch after punch, that I haven’t even had the opportunity to indulge in a little “woe is me.”

While I’ve been surface-level complaining, I haven’t been able to process deeply. I haven’t been alone or free long enough to really meditate in those negative emotions. Because. life. is. cray. I have so much on my plate. I heard that sometimes upon graduation, students think that they are going to go out and celebrate their independence, but they all end up getting sick instead. Their bodies go into survival mode to get them through, and once it is over, the body is like “No, chick. Our celebration is lying in bed all day, not drinking mimosas by the pool.” I anticipate this happening to me. šŸ˜‚šŸ˜¬

I am fully in survival mode. And there is something strange about realizing it.

While I was technically on vacation for two weeks, the time that I wasn’t in BFE was spent doing homework. And I was still checking emails every time I strolled into service, because I really don’t have qualified back up at work. (Food safety is seriously specialized.šŸ™„) Returning to work was like I never left.

After two break downs in three days, I reached out to some friends. While we caught up visiting, I was also able to divulge some of my struggles. This got me thinking about my post on support, because they lifted me up. I felt supported. But I was also like, but, they didn’t do anything. They were just there for me and listened. And I realized, that. is. the. action. Their words of encouragement were just icing on the supportive cake.

It’s funny too, because that same day I was talking to someone else about a gratitude journal. I told him that I had started one a long time ago when I was going through a hard time. But I stopped, because the things that I was thankful for became, “I woke up. I didn’t get in a car accident. I have my health.” And while, yes, these are things to be grateful for, I was missing the point. It was generic gratitude, not purposeful gratitude. I wasn’t actually feeling grateful for those things. I was going through the motions.

So I stopped the gratitude journal. I realized that some days good things, (beyond the normal good things), just don’t happen. Of course, I am grateful for my existence, my health, my safety, and that of my family and friends. That goes without question.

Yesterday, I finally got a pre-harvest assessment I had been requesting from a harvest supervisor. And it was wrong.šŸ˜– I was like, okay, but, at least I got the pre-harvest assessment. That should be something to be grateful for. These are the things I would write in the gratitude journal. But these are silver linings. It’s optimism, not gratitude. It’s not the same.

When I got home and had time to reflect on my day, my friendships, and my network, I truly felt grateful. I am surrounded by good people who believe in me. That is awesome. I am so. damn. lucky.

But let’s be real, it didn’t make me feel any better about my situation, my circumstances, or my problems. Those didn’t magically disappear. I’m in the midst of some life changes. There is still turbulence. This is still survival mode. But their support and encouragement just doused the fire to keep me moving forward.

Truly, it is amazing how small gestures of kindness can impact people’s lives. I’m sure my friends had no idea how an hour of their time made me feel so. much. better. about myself and my ability to continue persevering. They say that it is calm in the eye of the storm. šŸŒŖ When you are surrounded by chaos, reach out to those who keep you grounded.

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Appreciation.

Life has been an uphill climb lately. Ā And yeah, Iā€™ve been complaining.Ā Ā Itā€™s natural, right? šŸ˜¬Ā But I also recognize that you donā€™t reach a peak of the mountain without first walking through the valley.Ā Ā 

For the past 4 months, it has literally been one thing after another, and itā€™s taken me on an emotional roller coaster.  There have been essentially 7 significant events that have each taken me down a notch (or several). 

While Iā€™ve been able to lean on people who care about me for support, there is still something missing thatā€™s left me feeling unfulfilled.  So, Iā€™ve been doing what I do: completely analyzing these situations to find the root of what has me feeling defeated and less than.

And hereā€™s that I think it comes down to: appreciation.Ā Ā We all have this innate desire to feel seen and heard.Ā Ā And while I have received ā€œthank youā€ or ā€œI appreciate youā€ comments, some haven’t feltĀ trulyĀ genuine, nor has the appreciation equated to the toll each situation has taken on me.Ā Ā The scale is still weighed more negatively.Ā 

Psychological research has shown that when people are perpetually in a situation where they are ignored, this causes real emotional pain, and that in turn will cause physical problems caused by the stress of being ignored on an ongoing basis.

(source)

If Iā€™m being honest, this is where I feel I am.  Itā€™s not that I feel Iā€™ve been completely ignored, but I donā€™t feel Iā€™ve been truly seen either.  Whatā€™s more is that a few of these situations have prompted me to re-evaluate relationships, adding to the feelings of loneliness and loss.  Not only am I enduring the stress of each situation compounded, but also the stress of not feeling seen or heard in each situation compounded.  

But I canā€™t recognize this problem without also finding a solution.

This made me think about the 5 Love Languages.  How someone expresses love is essentially the same way he or she express appreciation.  If we can apply this to romantic relationships, why wouldnā€™t the same concept apply to professional relationships too?

Turns out, the same people who wrote the 5 Love Languages also wrote a book about theĀ 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.Ā Ā And you know what?Ā Ā Theyā€™re the same!Ā Ā (Iā€™m really not that surprised by this. šŸ˜)Ā Ā Hereā€™s what appreciation in the workplace looks like:

  1. Gifts ā€“ Lunch or a bonus
  2. Acts of Service ā€“ Actions speak louder than words (actual help)
  3. Quality Time ā€“ Undivided attention (real active listening)
  4. Words of Affirmation ā€“ Expression of genuine gratitude
  5. Physical Touch ā€“ Strong handshake or pat on the back

My mentor gave me quality time and words of affirmation. She validated my feelings and encouraged me to make some moves. The friend who avoided our conversation left me feeling ignored and unappreciated. One made me feel seen and heard (in limited capacity) while the other definitely did not.

Receiving appreciation in any capacity is external and not within my control.Ā Ā I canā€™t force someone to genuinely and authentically show me they care.Ā Ā I think thatā€™s what makes it so meaningful when someone does. But it also comes back to recognizing small wins, because we don’t always receive appreciation in grand gestures.