by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Insecurity.

I had a conversation with a friend who said he has no insecurities.  Now, given this specific person, I get why he would think that.  He is not short on self-confidence, that is for sure. 💁🏻‍♂️ But insecurity can rear it’s ugly head in a lot of different forms.  He is confident in his abilities.  But insecurity can be driven by a lot of outside factors too. When he was unsure of the stock market, he pulled out.  If he was not confident that the market was going to perform well and reacted to the instability out of fear of losing money, is that not insecure? 

Insecure is defined as: deficient in assurance, not confident, not stable or well-adjusted.  Basically, we can be insecure about anything that we are not sure of.  If there is doubt, there is insecurity.

In any event…

It is suggested that recent life events make up 40% of our “happiness quotient.” 40%! 😳

“The biggest negative contributor to happiness is the ending of a relationship, followed by the death of a spouse, job loss, and negative health events.”

Dr. Melanie Greenberg

All of those examples constitute loss: loss of a relationship, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of health.  If we look at this through the lens of COVID, we’ve lost a lot.  So if you’re feeling a little insecure during this pandemic, you are not alone!  There are so. many. things. to be unsure of during this time.

Back in February, I went to the Touchstone Central Coast Leading with Love conference where the woman behind Happier, Nataly Kogan, spoke with us.  I recently saw this on her Instagram, and I think it is a helpful reminder that there is reason for our heightened insecurity during this time.

Insecurity can also be driven by perfectionism. What Nataly outlines is the fear of not enough. And while we may not consider ourselves perfectionists, if we’ve ever fallen into the trap of not enough, it may be time to reality check our expectations and what we are measuring them up to. Even if we are measuring our expectations up to our pre-pandemic conditions, reality. check. ✅ Pre-pandemic and “amidst a pandemic” are completely different animals.

It’s okay to feel melancholy.  It’s okay to feel lonely. It’s okay to feel insecure.  We are adjusting to a new normal, give yourself time to adjust and adapt!  It’s important to find joy in little wins all the time, but even more so now.  This is uncharted territory for us all.  Be kind to others, and be kind to yourself.  This too shall pass. 🙏🏼

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Standards.

I had the TV on in the background one evening, when I overheard something that made me pause.

He said, “Maybe your standards are too high.”
She replied, “Our standards are who we are.”

They weren’t talking about dating. They were talking about quality of work. Now, I’ve been thinking about my own standards, both personally and professionally, a lot over the past year or so. Am I setting my expectations too high? Are these realistic things to achieve?

Honestly, I get teased a lot because I was a straight A student, and I always strive for 100% on my audits. I set my sights for ideal. And if I talk about any struggles I’m facing trying to reach that ideal, people respond that I should reevaluate my expectations or lower my bar. And even when said in a joking manner, it irritates me that people are actually encouraging me to essentially give up when things get a little tough. It’s completely backward.

In The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, Mark Manson talks about some guy named Becker and his theory of “immortality projects.” Immortality projects are the things that drive us to leave behind a legacy. Becker believed that humans are so fearful of death, that it drives them to do great things to be remembered when their physical bodies leave the world.

Religion, politics, sports, art, and technological innovation are the result of people’s immortality projects.

Manson explains that these immortality projects are our values. And values can be defined as the standards of one’s own behavior. Like, whoa, right? I’ll give you a second to re-read that.

If the standards we set drive our behavior to achieve things out of life, why would I ever strive for something less than great?

Our values are what we find important in life, and if we don’t hold those important things in life to a high standard, well, I mean, who wants to go through life being mediocre? I want to go through life standing out, trailblazing my own path, and marching to my own drum.

Personally and professionally, I strive for perfection. But I’m not a perfectionist. I know that shit happens and that reality doesn’t always live up to our expectation. So why would I ever strive for less than perfection knowing that the expectation may not be met?

Our standards really are who we are, and they are what motivates us to move forward. I mean, we don’t aim to run 3/4 of the race, we aim to run the whole damn thing!

Here’s the kind of funny part about it all: I ignore the people who tell me to reevaluate my standards or lower my bar. I thrive when presented with a challenge, so bring on that hard work! That little bit of struggle is what separates the good from the great. And if I had listened to those people telling me to “give it a rest”, I wouldn’t be out here slaying goals. So dare to dream and do you! 💕