by : lacylit10 Politics

Murky Circumstances…

… of Santa Barbara County’s New Ambulance Contract Should Raise Alarms.

If you haven’t been paying attention to the decisions the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors is making regarding the county’s ambulance contract, I suggest you start looking into it and making your voices heard.

I, for one, do not want to get caught in a situation in which my emergency medical care is hindered because the county Fire Department and American Medical Response are confused by their roles and responsibilities with the new permit system.

Nor do I want to become a victim in the process of learning that the new permit system is ineffective.

Regardless of how the new permit system will work, the power the Board of Supervisors has given itself here baffles me.

The five supervisors have taken the decision of who determines who receives the ambulance contract out of the hands of experts and have given it to themselves — increasing their power over subject matter in which none of them is formally educated or has professional working experience.

What makes them think they know what is best when it comes to our emergency medical care?

When you apply for a job at the most senior level of an organization, there is usually a requirement of an advanced degree and at least 10 years of professional experience.

These are the minimum basic requirements that most companies consider someone to be qualified to make impactful business decisions.

Why would our supervisors take the decision away from people who have these necessary qualifications in health care and emergency services and give it to themselves?

Cottage Health, Lompoc Valley Medical Center, Marian Regional Medical Center and the contract review panel — consisting of a board-certified emergency physician, a hospital executive, a retired metropolitan fire chief, the current public utility ambulance system administrator and a community — member all favored AMR over county fire and expressed concern about the permit system.

Why would the supervisors go against the recommendation of many qualified experts?

There are only two reasons I can think of: power and money.

The vote to take the decision away from experts gives more unjustified (in my opinion) authority to our elected officials. Giving the contract to county fire gives those elected officials more opportunities to divert money away from other necessary resources and reasons to raise taxes.

Do you think raises won’t be given out to everyone in the county who has to take on more work to make the county ambulance system work?

Due to lack of transparency on the issue, I’m inclined to believe there is something to hide.

Andy Caldwell, executive director of the Coalition of Labor, Agriculture & Business, has provided the supervisors with opportunities to defend their decision, in which they have deflected his questioning.

The county buried Caldwell with paperwork to distract him from the fact they did not provide what he asked for under the California Public Records Act in the timeframe it was required, and the more he inquired, the more the players seemingly got defensive.

Whether you agree with Caldwell’s political views or not, these are all suspicious reactive behaviors.

Admittedly, I could be way off base. But perception is reality, and the supervisors are choosing to remain quiet rather than educate us on the reasons for their decisions.

Given the circumstances, if you’ve been paying attention, what else are we supposed to believe? We’re only getting part of the story.

I encourage county fire, county staff or the Board of Supervisors to offer justification for their reasoning. I, and many other concerned health-care consumers throughout the county, are ready and willing to listen.

**Originally published in Noozhawk.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Control.

Control has been on my mind a lot lately for many reasons.  Some things have happened that are beyond my control, and some things have happened where I am taking control.  Since I frequently write about the need to control what we can control, it has me wondering why this is my desire?  

I would not consider myself a “control freak.”  I’m actually really easygoing when it comes to a lot of things.  In fact, what I’m realizing is that I may have been too easygoing in the past.  

Control is defined as “the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.”  If you’ve read my intro, you’ll know that I believe leadership is about influence.  Somewhere on my leadership journey, in learning how to influence others, I realized I am being negatively influenced by some people around me.  

We all have the right to be treated how we want to be treated.  Using our ability to influence, we actually have the ability to control how people treat us.  Like, this may not be earthshattering news.  But realistically, few of us are really aware of how we are being negatively influenced by others.  

Not so coincidentally, I recently listened to a podcast episode of the Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos on Epictetus and the Stoics.  The episode description says:

There are things we can control and things we can’t control. There are also things we can influence a bit. Being able to accept this concept and only set our goals accordingly saves us a lot of anguish. It’s a key lesson of Stoicism.

See why I said “not so coincidentally”?

To break it down: Philosophy professor Bill Irvine said that there is actually ambiguity in control: there are things that you cannot control, things that you can control, and things that you can influence.  He calls this the trichotomy of control.

The concepts of trichotomy of control and Stoicism have shed some new light on the situation I am trying to find peace within.

Feeling trapped in a situation I didn’t want to be in, I had been looking for an escape route.  But none of the escape options bring me immediate relief either.  And an escape route is looking for an easy way out. And I never take the easy way. So here I am.  Learning about Stoicism trying to reframe the situation to make it more bearable.  And you know what?  It worked. (So far.)

Normally, when people say “make a pros and cons list.” I’m like, “Yeah, okay 🙄. ” Then never actually do it.  But in this situation, I actually made a list of everything that made me feel hurt or angry.  I realized that there was only one common theme in the negativity, and it’s a big one: I felt my independence was being stifled and taken away.  But all of the circumstances surrounding this lack of control, all came from a place of love and support.  Motives were genuinely good.

So how did I reframe the situation? I put it in a language I understand: selfless leadership.  

Basically, I needed to accept this gift for their betterment.  I am doing them a disservice by not accepting, and that is not a selfless leader thing to do!  Instead of looking at it through a lens of how they were helping me (when I didn’t need it, want it, or ask for it), I reframed it to how I. was. helping. them.  This gave me a sense of control.  I’m doing them the favor, not the other way around.

But that was only a partial solution.  How do I regain my independence?  I start my Master’s degree!  Obviously. 😂 

For real though, the gift I had been rejecting tied up part of my future, and I didn’t feel like I had much of a say in it.  Grad school had been teetering in my mind for a long time, so I decided to just jump in.  This was a future I had a choice in and control over. I’ve been able to channel the negative feelings to rise to a new challenge of. my. making.

By reframing my view, I’ve actually created a win-win situation – giving me a sense of control over all of it.

Change, especially not of our making, can be extremely uncomfortable. Change, even of our making, can be extremely unconformable. Controlling what we can control, minimizes the discomfort to the degree that we can. None of it is going to be easy, but we can make, at least, make it a little more bearable.

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by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Politics.

Leadership is about rising above our lower self.  Leaders set aside their own discomfort to make something more bearable for the other person.  This creates the opposite of divide. It creates connection. And that’s been proven in psychology and neuroscience.

I haven’t watched much of the political debates, because I don’t need to – nor do I want to.  All the debates seem to be is a blame and shame game anyway.  We don’t need more of that in our polarized society.  We need leaders who say, “I’m sorry Mr. Presidential Nominee that you feel I haven’t done enough for the American people.  But let me tell you how I plan to help them when I get elected into office.” Blame and shame only adds fuel to the fire.  This answer acknowledges their feelings as legitimate and stifles the negative energy, then shifts the narrative to a hopeful future for the American people. (Where it should be.)

But this is typical politics. 🙄 An unfortunate circumstance is that we watch this unfold and mimic their behavior.  If people in positions of power and influence answer blame with blame and shame with shame, then that must be okay.  Then the people who look up to us see us demonstrating this behavior and assume that it’s okay.  It all filters downward.

I have several friends whose political beliefs firmly oppose my own.  I value these friendships, because they offer me perspective.  We can tease one another, but we never blame and shame.  We understand each other as people with good hearts, who want the best for this country. 

Best is subjective on so many factors in our individual lives.  If I can appreciate all those factors that created this unique human being who brings value to my life on all sorts of other levels, then I need to appreciate that those factors led him or her to their political beliefs too. You can’t have one without the other. We should be accepting of each other whole, perceived flaws and all.

I was once seeing this guy, and we were in that phase where you’re more than just friends but not necessarily boyfriend/girlfriend.  The relationship was kind of at a standstill in this space, so I asked, “Where are we going with this relationship?” And he responded, “What relationship?”

First of all, that answer told me ev.er.y.thing. I needed to know about where he stood (and consequently, where I stood). Needless to say, that ended. 😂

He had such a close-minded view. A relationship exists with every person in which we interact. (Remember intimate, relational, and community?) Relationship itself is a noun. It’s a thing, right? But it requires action to make it a thing. Without connecting, binding, or relating, the relationship doesn’t exist. You’re just left with separate things.

Leadership starts with oneself. We can’t judge our politicians for answering blame with blame and shame with shame when we do the same thing. If we don’t like the polarization within our society, then we need to reflect on how we are contributing to it. There is a reason why people say, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” But realistically, we can’t do it alone.

In the day-to-day, most of us don’t interact with the Presidential Nominees. Most of us don’t even interact with our local elected officials. A relationship doesn’t really exist, unless you choose to pursue one. (Which I encourage you to do!) But elections do give you an interactive opportunity. And relationships do exist with your peers.

Show up in these relationships. Be an active participant. When there’s a mutual understanding and joint effort, together you make relationships work. And generally speaking, isn’t that just kind of how elections work? You show up to the polls, you communicate via your ballot, and collective voices influence the future of your relationship with government.

So don’t just be a thing! Engage! Be humble, and be kind. 💖

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Self-Betrayal.

I think most of us would agree that we are not in the practice of self-betrayal.  We don’t intentionally do things or make decisions that would purposefully bring us harm.  Except we do make decisions that unintentionally do bring us harm.

When we are presented with a choice, we have the option of honoring our morals, values, beliefs, desires, etc. or betraying them.  When you make the “right” decision, there are usually positive side effects.  When you make the “wrong” decision, it can lead to all sorts of negative effects.

I was recently presented with a choice.  A very big decision had to be made and there were a lot of moving parts.  I chose to move forward, because I didn’t want to be excluded and let other people down.  While there were definitely benefits to being involved, deep down, from the very beginning, I knew this was not what I wanted.  

Guilt is a feeling generated by personal accountability for making a poor decision.  Shame is a feeling of not enough, that we are flawed and unworthy.  Not only did I feel guilty for choosing to move forward, but I also spiraled through a shame storm.  There were constant reminders that this was not what I wanted, and the toll of each of those reminders shamed me into emotional turmoil.  I was ignoring all of the red flags. 🚩

This was a very big lesson for me in learning to live impeccably.  I went against everything I knew to do, because I was too afraid to step outside the security of my circle.  But not only that, I was feeling guilted and shamed for wanting to step outside my circle!  There’s a lot more to this story, and the intentions on both sides were genuinely good.  But either choice in this decision led to hurt. This was a really shitty position to be in. Ultimately, my choices were these:

  1. Be involved – Make a big sacrifice for myself in the beginning knowing that there will be small self-betrayals in the future but not hurt the people I care about.
  2. Not participate – Make a big sacrifice for myself in the beginning knowing that there will be small self-betrayals in the future and hurt the people I care about.

After lots and lots, and lots of thinking, I chose to stay true to my commitment, even though it really wasn’t what I wanted.  The initial hurt will fade, and I will be less angry over time.  There will be discomforts along the way, but I’m choosing to believe that they will be moments to test my growth.  

I believe I made the “right” decision, because my heart was in the right place. If I was going to hurt myself either way, I might as well hurt myself and not hurt the people I care about.

Choosing to participate actually gave me more control over the situation. If I hurt the people I care about, I can’t control how they manage their emotions, and relationships could suffer. But I know I have the strength to manage my emotions. Although it hurts like hell, relationships are still in tact. While they may take on a different shape in the future, I am choosing to create those boundaries.

So often I write about the power of choice, and the ability to control what you can control.  At some point though, we are faced with a decision that isn’t good for anyone.  At the time, will you choose to be selfish or selfless?  

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Strength.

I was recently asked, “What makes you feel strong?”  The question caught me off-guard, and I did a quick analysis of my life.  I thought about my job, being a volunteer, public speaking, relationships, travel, the programs I’ve been part of, the opportunities I’ve had, and being a leader.  Without much conscious thought, I replied, “I feel strongest in my weakest moments.”

Then I got caught off-guard by my own response, and I’ve been thinking about it since.  I’m realizing how true the statement is.  

There have been times where I am curled up in a ball, crying, feeling every piece of my heart break 💔, experiencing extremely deep hurts that translate into actual pain.  In these moments of complete emotional vulnerability, there is something empowering in knowing that I. will. make. it through.  It’s absolute faith in God’s greater plan.  It is resilience in action.

It seems to me that almost everything we equate to strength in our culture today is actually the opposite of what strength is.  Strength is the power to resist force or attack. Read that slowly, intentionally, and take it in.

I don’t want this to be a political post, but there are so many examples in our political climate.  Truly peaceful protests are a sign of strength.  When it takes a turn to violence and vandalism, it is no longer a demonstration of strength.  It is a sign of weakness, because we have not resisted the urge to fight or attack.  Consider how much effort (aka strength) it takes to hold back emotion when we are angry.   I had to have a courageous conversation with my boss a couple of weeks ago, and it took everything I had to not burst into tears.

There is a big difference between leaning into our emotions and letting our emotions control us.  There is a right time and a right place.  There are healthy and unhealthy ways to manage our feelings.  

I’m not really much of a runner anymore, but a couple of months ago, I was going through some tough shit.  I decided to go pound pavement; I needed my body to feel the pain my heart was feeling.  I talked it out and I cried it out, but I still wasn’t feeling any better.  So I ran it out.  And man, did it help. 🏃🏻‍♀️  

I ran hard, and fast, and for a surprisingly long time!  When I stopped, I thought my lungs were going to collapse.  I let out all of my pain in that run.  Kind of like Phoebe…only angrily…🤪

Not only did the run make me feel emotionally strong, but it made me feel physically strong. I’m not saying running is the solution for everyone. Now, I will literally only run if I’m experiencing that kind of hurt. (Running is not fun. 😂)

In leadership, you must lead yourself, before you lead others, before you lead organizations. This is why self-awareness is so important. When we become more attuned to our own emotions, we naturally (and unconsciously) gain the ability to recognize signals in others increasing our empathetic ability to hopefully respond with kindness and compassion. Leadership requires a strong foundation, and it all begins with you.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Transformation.

Do you ever go through periods of life where you feel God working within you? What this looks like may be different for each of us, but for me, I feel uneasy, restless, and emotional, yet hopeful, motivated, and inspired. I recognize these feelings when they appear and know that I am going through a transformational change.

In most change models, we create a picture of what we think the solution should be, then work hard to make reality fit that picture. We try to dominate the situation. I have a friend who is super Type A, logical, and analytical. This would be his approach to change. You create a game plan, and you stick to the game plan.

Transformational change activates the power of vision and humility to face the mysteries of life. We control what we can control, and roll with the punches that we cannot. This is my approach to change. You cultivate discipline of good planning, and adapt to the situation as it is in each moment.

I always say that you need to find comfort in the uncomfortable, but that does not mean that it is comfortable. Susan David says that tough emotions are part of our contract for a meaningful life. Discomfort is movement and growth.

In talking about her sobriety journey, Glennon Doyle says she hasn’t felt fine in 17 years. I’m not an alcoholic, nor have I been, but I so related to this comment. I am a deep feeler. As someone who is constantly seeking personal and professional growth, I am always in a state of discomfort.

The societal expectation is that we don’t talk about our feelings. Feelings are for sissies. I actually find that notion hilarious, because it is the opposite that is true. Remember when I wrote about the definition of courage and talking about our feelings? It is much easier for me to write about my feelings, but to say them out loud? Oy vey. 🤦🏻‍♀️

It is hard to live in a constant state of discomfort. Sometimes, it is so. incredibly. difficult. But feelings are meant to be felt, that’s why we have them! They exist to prompt you into moving! It may seem easier to avoid our feelings, but avoiding our feelings is what drives a lot of people to alcoholism or drugs. They don’t want to feel. I’m sure most of us would agree that it’s probably better to feel what we feel than be driven to addiction. No? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I feel like the only thing that would be worse than feeling feelings would be not feeling them at all. Could you imagine? You have to have the good and the bad. It’s not a one or the other.

When I lost my dog, my heart didn’t just break; it shattered. 💔 It was in pieces, and I had physical reactions to the pain. It was a deeper hurt than I had experienced in a very, very long time. But even through my grief, I was accepting of the pain, the hurt, and the trauma. All those deeply negative emotions gave profound meaning to her existence and her purpose in my life.

Although I am in a constant state of improvement, transformational change is different. It comes from deep within. It’s like an accumulation of weeks, months or years worth of discomfort in growth coming to a head. Although it’s rough to navigate through, I know good things are on the horizon. And that is so. damn. exciting.

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