by : lacylit10 Politics

Expectations vs. Reality in Public Service and Leadership

“Never trust a politician.” This was something I remember hearing growing up from nearly every elder in my family. With that firm belief tucked inside my brain, I never thought I would engage in politics as an adult. For better or worse, here I am, engaging with politics.

Essential Qualities of Effective Leaders

Begrudgingly, I have to give credit to those who choose to serve in public office. Just being on the peripheral, I find it to be, more often than not, infuriating and draining. There are many qualities that someone in a position of leadership should possess. Most leadership experts consider self-awareness to be the most critical. Empathy, humility and integrity are a few others.

In my experience working with local elected officials (and observation of state and federal officials), very few demonstrate all of these qualities. Many don’t seem to possess a single one. There are others who draw on certain leadership characteristics depending on the issue, the audience and the need. And while I would normally commend a leader for doing such, these characteristics should be demonstrated in continuity. The unpredictability of their leadership behaviors can be perceived as two-faced and untrustworthy, coming off as self-serving rather than others-serving.

Constituent Representation, Accountability

Politicians are elected by constituents. They report to the people. Seemingly, candidates view a majority vote as a popularity contest, a testament to how much they are liked. The victory inflates their ego, and they “serve” the people with very little meaningfully constructive feedback and essentially nonexistent disciplinary action. People look to them for help, and they tend to develop a bit of a “Savior Complex,”when it is not warranted or justified.

Even if I do not name names, I am not comfortable publicly sharing some of my negative experiences. They know who they are and what they have said or done to make me question their ability to be a competent and respected leader for our community. What is seemingly worse, though, is even that public admission may jeopardize my working relationship with them. Apparently, their conscience cannot handle the guilt. As I have learned from those who tried before me, retaliation does not necessarily come in the form of a denied project. But it can come in the form of stealth defamation or a refusal to take a meeting.

Where is their accountability?

At any level of government, when it becomes us versus them, I think it’s safe to assume who will win and which power will reign. But I think for some of us, it’s not so much about winning or losing. It’s not a matter of punishment or litigation (unless unlawful and unethical activity accounts for it). 

For me, at least, it comes down to those leadership characteristics. Tell the truth. Admit you’re wrong. Treat me with the same respect in which you expect to be treated. Don’t be condescending. Don’t lead me to believe one thing and then do another.

Balancing Public Service, Personal Integrity

Humble up and know your place. Put your ego aside and recognize that you have chosen to be a public servant. That requires taking criticism. It requires listening to a lot of opinions and juggling many different priorities. It requires talking to people you don’t like about subjects that make you uncomfortable.

It’s unfortunate that some of our most basic life lessons seemingly get forgotten once elected.

Also published in Noozhawk.

by : lacylit10 Entrepreneurship, Life Lessons

The Humbling Kind of Hard.

“Choose your hard.” A phrase, I think, coined by Mel Robbins. While the obstacles we run into are typically not our choice, how we respond to those obstacles is within our control. 

A while back, I mentioned that I felt I was breaking when I quit my job. Several months later, that is more true now than it was then. 

I am not someone who typically makes unplanned decisions or doesn’t have a back-up plan. But I followed my intuition in that decision, and I know it was ultimately for the better. When everyone told me I was not going to have any trouble finding another job, I also knew that wasn’t going to be true. But I was certain that God was going to be doing some serious work in my life.

Although I did not know what to expect, I can’t say I was prepared for this. That’s just how He works, isn’t it? 

On many levels, my basic needs are not being met. I feel weak. I feel insecure. I feel vulnerable. I feel scared. Uncertain. Somedays, I feel pathetic and desperate. I feel withdrawn and lonely. I feel closed and distant. I feel trapped. Like, none of these are good or positive things to feel. And the more time goes on, the harder it is becoming not to fall into a pessimistic view and spiral into a depression.

Every once in a while, I do feel glimmers of hope and strength. But this weekend I was reminded of something I said way back in 2020. This is a mood I need to seriously lean into.

So, yesterday, I literally spent the entire day feeling sorry for myself. I can’t tell you how many times I broke into tears. I did a little bit of work, but I spent most of the day curled up on the couch binge watching Vanderpump Rules. I leaned into the bad and negative emotions hard. And it felt good to be unapologetically miserable. I didn’t have to put on a smile or a brave face for anyone. I didn’t have to be confident in selling my business services. I didn’t have to pretend to be anything else or feel anything else. I let myself feel as weak, vulnerable, and insecure as I possibly could.

I had been becoming more emotional over the past few weeks, because, I realized, I had been bottling up my emotions for too long. I needed a big, heavy, ugly cry. I needed to get it all out of my system so that I could have renewed strength to continue carrying on. 

I do, however, want to recognize that this experience hasn’t been all bad. I have had a lot of meetings with a lot of people. People are putting me in touch with others and word is spreading about what I am doing. A lot of people are helping me. A lot of people want to work with me. I’m not really getting “no”. But this has been a long process of meeting with a lot of people and not getting the “yes” answers that will replenish my needs.

The most recent obstacles of my past have been challenges. Obstacles to overcome in the effort to achieve or advance is one type of hard. When the obstacles you face stem from loss of basic needs, it’s a humbling type of hard. A stern reminder that the obstacles we face are not a choice, but how we respond to them is a test of our faith, our values, our morals, and our character.

This. is. only. temporary. I can choose to give up on this dream, continuing to avoid the magic or I can choose the hard that leads to belonging. If the first step is the hardest, then there’s no turning back now.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Biggest Lesson of The Year.

I’ve been seeing a lot of people post about the biggest lessons they’ve learned this year, and I have been mulling over mine for the past several weeks. This has been a very significant year of growth for me, and I’m not sure I can narrow it down to one big lesson. If I had to summarize what I’ve learned into a general theme, I think my biggest lesson would be that courage can take a long time to build. 

The more philosophical definition states: courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, pain, danger, etc. without fear. I like this definition more than “doing something that frightens one.”

What I find interesting about these definitions of the same word is that one definition says to do it with fear, the other says to do it without. What I find fascinating about the conflicting definitions is that it’s a great example of the complexity of language. Context matters. The courage to jump out of a plane is different from the courage it takes to walk away from a marriage.

The courage I’m referring to is the philosophical kind. To get your mind and spirit into a state of confidence to do something without fear requires identifying and overcoming insecurities and weaknesses. It requires self-reflection and processing. It requires intentional, meaningful, purposeful, and thoughtful consideration. These things definitely do not happen overnight. In fact, it can take years. And I don’t feel like people tell you that. 

We live in such a fast-paced, instant gratification society. We never see the work that goes into building the final product. Singer Lainey Wilson spent over ten years in the country music industry trying to make it before she became an “overnight” success. I’m sure those ten years were a critical time of learning, both personally and professionally, before she was launched into fame. 

God’s timing is perfect.

When I reflect on some of the challenges I’ve faced, I’ve been thinking about those with whom I have confided. They have been so patient and supportive. They’ve known for a long time what I am just coming to terms with. Part of me feels silly for admitting now what they’ve been softly telling me for years. While I logically knew what they were telling me was true, my heart hadn’t caught up. Until now. My mind and spirit are finally aligned. And I’m so grateful for their kindness. They knew I would get there in my own time. They never pushed. They let me feel what I needed to feel, go through the (e)motions, and learn the lessons on my own. 

Philosophical courage comes from deep within your soul, and it takes time to rise to your head and your heart. And that’s okay. To embrace the nature of courage, getting to a place of quality mind and spirit to do something without fear, takes courage in itself. There are so many factors woven into the fabric of who we are. Tugging at one thread, sometimes, unravels several others. It takes focus and patience to mend. We can be hard on ourselves for not getting there in a timeframe others expect of us or we wish of ourselves. And it’s important to recognize, not everyone will choose to repair in the first place. It takes courage to start, courage to endure, and courage to overcome.

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Self and Tolerance.

The problem with becoming self-aware is that you begin to notice all the wrongs. What I mean is that your triggers seem to increase as you recognize how traits and behaviors of others impact you. Even more, you begin to realize that you have unknowingly accepted a level of treatment that you now know is unhealthy for you.

As a leader, we are sometimes required to tolerate things that we wouldn’t normally tolerate. Whether it be in your home life or your work life, there is undoubtedly someone that you accept poor treatment from because you have to. And I say “have to” because it may not be immediately feasible for you to leave the relationship (e.g., financial limitations of quitting a job or familial repercussions of defriending a sibling). When we feel this strain in a relationship, how do we know when we are stretching our leadership muscles versus sacrificing self?

Discomfort occurs either way.

Does it come down to severity of discomfort (e.g., some is stretching, a lot is sacrifice)? Or does sacrifice equate to snapping from stretching too much?

We can’t just up and leave a relationship every time it gets hard. Relationships take work, no matter the type. We have to be flexible with one another for the relationship to adapt to individual growth, and effort put forth should be balanced and symbiotic in order for the relationship to be sustainable.

So does sacrifice result from a one-sided or inequal commitment?

I don’t know that there is an easy answer or an answer at all. Maybe it all comes down to tolerability. What may be stretching in a relationship to one might be sacrificing to another. One person might put in a month’s worth of effort and call it good; others might put years into making the relationship work. It also comes down to importance of the relationship. If it is a spouse or loved one, then we will likely give it more time and effort than if it is a colleague or employee.

In any instance, tolerating unhealthy treatment is, well, unhealthy. That is why so many experts in leadership stress the importance of self-care. The better you care for yourself the more you can tolerate others!

Unfortunately, many of us do not give ourselves the care we truly need. And it’s hard to explain your needs to people who do not understand or empathize with the toll being a leader can have on oneself. Just as tolerance varies per person, so does quality and quantity of self-care. As we increasingly recognize the traits and behaviors of others and their impacts on us, we need to hone awareness of our own needs and care for ourselves as we care for others – if not more.

Leadership is a gift that often goes unrecognized and unappreciated. Don’t make it harder on yourself by ignoring your self.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

All the Things I Have Done.

This morning, I sat in my office, sipped my coffee, and looked around, pondering the thoughts that have been in my head all week and which I wanted to dive into for this post. As I sat there, I thought less about the chaos that happened over the past week and became overwhelmingly grateful. 

There are little reminders of the life I built for myself all throughout the room. The books on the shelves remind me of all the knowledge I’ve accumulated. The photos of my dog remind me that my heart is still healing from the loss. The lanyards and name tags from conferences and expos remind me of meeting incredible people from around the U.S. who are passionate about produce. The jewelry box my cousin made reminds me of the times he used to babysit us. It holds the watch my grandma used to always wear, and it reminds me of her. 

I reflect quite a bit, but it’s usually on individual things, like the conversation I had with my uncle, the op-ed I wrote that was published in the paper, the interactions I had with a colleague, or the behaviors of a family member – all things I thought I would be writing about this morning.

But this room in my house tells a story about my life, and I never really took the time to consider the story as a whole. I mostly just reviewed certain chapters. As I had been reflecting on all the things I could have done, the artifacts in this room show me all the things I. have. done. 

The collection may be of things, but many are meaningful items that represent my uniqueness. From the spiritual (bible verse written on a 3×5 card) to the practical (bills that need to be paid), and from the playful (camera and GoPro) to even the little weird (javelina skull), each represents a different area of my life that brings me joy. (Yes, even the bills. They mean I am financially independent with the luxuries of a roof over my head, electricity, and internet.)

It’s so easy to get caught up in the trap of what we think our lives could have or should have been. It’s also easy to get caught up in the “I wish”-es. It’s hard not to compare or want otherwise for yourself, (past or future), based on the influence of others. 

But we were not meant to follow anyone’s path, except for the one God has planned for us. As I reflect on the journey that got me to this point, I can’t help but be reminded that He knows exactly what He is doing. I am where I am supposed to be, and all the things I have done make me who I am today. And the things that I have done are a great reminder that who I am today has limitless potential for tomorrow.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

All the Things I Could Have Done.

I mentioned it before, but I’m going to mention it again. When I was young, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I just figured you grow up, get married, and have a family. I didn’t give much thought to what I wanted to pursue in school and a career never really crossed my mind. 

I got a boyfriend a couple of years out of high school, and we stayed together for a few years after that. When we broke up, it was like, “Ok, now what?” I had no degree, worked multiple dead-end jobs, was living paycheck to paycheck, and the life that I thought I was going to have failed before it even got started. 

At that point, I picked myself up and began building my own life and didn’t really stop – until now. Now, I’ve reached this plateau. I achieved all the professional goals I set for myself along the way. Again, I’m back questioning, “Now what?”

But that’s another post for another day. On this plateau, I’ve been looking at what’s in front of me and behind me. Today’s post is about reflecting on the journey that led me here, and would I still be on the same plateau if I took a different path?

Recently, I watched the movie Look Both Ways on Netflix. If you haven’t watched it yet, ‼️spoiler alert‼️. It’s about a young girl who is facing possible pregnancy, and we journey through what her life would look like if she was pregnant and if she wasn’t pregnant. By the end of the story, we see that she essentially reaches the same destination but gets there in very different ways.

To be honest, this movie brought me a lot of comfort. Because lately, all I can seem to think about is all the things I could have done. And would I still be in the same place today?

I have a lot of different interests and most ideas, desires, or fears I don’t share with anyone. Partly because when you share things with people, they have an opinion. And I’m really not interested in hearing theirs. 😬 But when you are young and growing up, you need the support of your family. And because you don’t have much life experience, they guide you, tell you, (or fail to guide or tell you) how to get from Point A to Point B. 

You follow the path they put forth, because that’s the safest way, and they know the trail route. But maybe you would prefer to explore. Maybe you want to take a more challenging path to build resilience and create more impactful memories. Maybe you want to see the waterfall, not the ocean. Maybe you want to lead to see where the path takes you, but they choose to continue guiding you.

While these may seem like caring and loving gestures of a supportive family, they are also secure attachment inhibitors. We need to feel supported to explore, reassured and comforted in that exploration, and safe and protected on our journey or if we fall into danger. We need a safety net, not someone encouraging us to never leave the ground.

When I think of all the things I have done, I can’t help but think that, yes, I would be in the same place. Because in certain cases, I did take the roundabout. For a lighthearted example, I rode horses when I was young and got away from it for about 25 years. Here I am today, again riding horses. 

While part of me feels unsettled like I could have done more, the other part of me feels confident I’m supposed to be where I am. Because I did take a challenging path. I did build resilience. I did create impactful memories. In some cases, I saw the waterfall and the ocean, and I did get to take the lead. 

The picture of what I anticipated that explorative path to look like has been influenced by books, movies, and social media. It has been curated by other peoples’ stories and has left me feeling unfulfilled. But when I take the time to truly reflect on the chapters of my life that have been lived, a complete story emerges that reminds me I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.