by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Testing My Patience … and My Faith.

I believe in God. There are numerous examples I can give where I have seen Him work in my life. But those examples are mostly in answered prayers. Putting my mind to something, and God giving me the strength and ability to achieve it. The only true test I can think of, in my experience, of questioning God, has been in overcoming depression. Years, and years, and years, would go by. Almost daily I would beg for the misery to be over, while simultaneously trusting He had a plan. 

It was about 10 years after my “official” diagnosis, and at least another 10 more from the onset of symptoms. At least 10 full years of not knowing or understanding why I felt a certain way. And another 10 years of knowing and understanding, but not really improving. Twenty years of faith. Twenty years of believing. Twenty years of trusting.

It was a long time. A long time of feeling helpless, but not hopeless.

I’ve been here before. At the mercy of His will. Making slow progress forward.  

It’s hard. Hard to have patience to let things play out as they may. Hard to not try and control the situation, even when I don’t have answers that could possibly change it.

Vulnerable truth be told, I’ve been praying for a closer relationship with Him. I had drifted, and I desired to feel Him working more deeply within me. There were surface-level ways I could see his movement, but I was seeking a gut-level reminder that He is with me. I needed stronger signals guiding me down the right path.

It’s the irony that consistently restores my faith. The creative ways in which He delivers almost never aligns with my naive expectations. 

I believe that God gives us breadcrumbs. Subtle clues that move us forward. But for me, roughly every 10 years, I get hit with something bigger, where I am faced with a life shift. After a significant time of putting my head down and focusing on personal and professional growth, I am somewhat forced to lift my head and look forward to determine, with all of my newly accumulated life experience, which path I want to take next.

And while I am certain that path is already determined, the time of self-reflection given for evaluation is a blessing. 

Everyone has different definitions of what living life to the fullest looks like. I don’t like to spend a lot of time looking back on what could have or should have been. I believe things play out exactly as they are supposed to, so there is no point in wishing it could have been different. Yes, there are decisions I wish I did not make or had made sooner, but I may not have learned the lesson or acquired the wisdom from the experience that contributes to my character, my beliefs, and my values – the core things that make me who I am. And it is those core things that, for me, define my life and how I lived it. It’s not how many countries I’ve traveled to or how much money I have in my bank account; it’s how I have served those around me. 

As a side note: I can think of one specific person who would question how I served them. Who would be the naysayer in my belief about myself. The funny thing is that this person doesn’t really know me at all. And the way I am choosing to serve them is essentially by not acquiescing to their behaviors, actions, and attitudes. Everything they seemingly hate about me is actually the gift I am giving them. Sometimes the lesson that we need to teach others is one they must come to learn on their own. 

But I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. I know, and God knows my journey. And these gut-level life shift times of reflection and evaluation remind me that He is still here. He is still guiding me. He is still working in my life. And through all of the missteps, He still loves me unconditionally. And in my moments of doubt, He still provides.

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by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Support.

Support is defined as “bear all or part of the weight of” and “give assistance to.” Support. requires. action. So why do so many people think that simply saying, “I support you” is supportive? 😒 Then have you ever had someone support you with actual help in a task, and then they ask, “What more do you want from me?” when you feel the supportive action wasn’t enough?

Here is how I picture it:

Each person is a railroad engineer. All of your forward progression adds another rail car, whether it be home responsibilities, work tasks, familial obligations, and even hobbies (because sometimes those become obligations when you are feeling overwhelmed). Some people can sustain hauling that weight for long periods of time, others need rest stops or a tow once in a while. The problem is that no one can see how long the train is except for the person who is hauling the load.

Some have better engines. Some are better engineers. Some can haul more weight. Some are carrying heavier loads in less cars. Sometimes external factors change the environment that affect the performance, and sometimes adding one more rail car can break. the. train. down.

Paul Zak says that what we do at work and at home feedback on each other, and we shouldn’t pretend that it doesn’t. Using our railroad analogy, we cannot unhinge a work car from in between a family car and a health car while sitting on a single track.

If our natural inclination is to serve others before self, then why is offering support something that does not seem to come naturally? Sometimes offering support doesn’t even come in the form of work. Sometimes, it’s just being empathetic and compassionate, making that person feel seen and heard. Support can be simple gestures of appreciation. Support looks different to different people, but it all requires action.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Politics.

Leadership is about rising above our lower self.  Leaders set aside their own discomfort to make something more bearable for the other person.  This creates the opposite of divide. It creates connection. And that’s been proven in psychology and neuroscience.

I haven’t watched much of the political debates, because I don’t need to – nor do I want to.  All the debates seem to be is a blame and shame game anyway.  We don’t need more of that in our polarized society.  We need leaders who say, “I’m sorry Mr. Presidential Nominee that you feel I haven’t done enough for the American people.  But let me tell you how I plan to help them when I get elected into office.” Blame and shame only adds fuel to the fire.  This answer acknowledges their feelings as legitimate and stifles the negative energy, then shifts the narrative to a hopeful future for the American people. (Where it should be.)

But this is typical politics. 🙄 An unfortunate circumstance is that we watch this unfold and mimic their behavior.  If people in positions of power and influence answer blame with blame and shame with shame, then that must be okay.  Then the people who look up to us see us demonstrating this behavior and assume that it’s okay.  It all filters downward.

I have several friends whose political beliefs firmly oppose my own.  I value these friendships, because they offer me perspective.  We can tease one another, but we never blame and shame.  We understand each other as people with good hearts, who want the best for this country. 

Best is subjective on so many factors in our individual lives.  If I can appreciate all those factors that created this unique human being who brings value to my life on all sorts of other levels, then I need to appreciate that those factors led him or her to their political beliefs too. You can’t have one without the other. We should be accepting of each other whole, perceived flaws and all.

I was once seeing this guy, and we were in that phase where you’re more than just friends but not necessarily boyfriend/girlfriend.  The relationship was kind of at a standstill in this space, so I asked, “Where are we going with this relationship?” And he responded, “What relationship?”

First of all, that answer told me ev.er.y.thing. I needed to know about where he stood (and consequently, where I stood). Needless to say, that ended. 😂

He had such a close-minded view. A relationship exists with every person in which we interact. (Remember intimate, relational, and community?) Relationship itself is a noun. It’s a thing, right? But it requires action to make it a thing. Without connecting, binding, or relating, the relationship doesn’t exist. You’re just left with separate things.

Leadership starts with oneself. We can’t judge our politicians for answering blame with blame and shame with shame when we do the same thing. If we don’t like the polarization within our society, then we need to reflect on how we are contributing to it. There is a reason why people say, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” But realistically, we can’t do it alone.

In the day-to-day, most of us don’t interact with the Presidential Nominees. Most of us don’t even interact with our local elected officials. A relationship doesn’t really exist, unless you choose to pursue one. (Which I encourage you to do!) But elections do give you an interactive opportunity. And relationships do exist with your peers.

Show up in these relationships. Be an active participant. When there’s a mutual understanding and joint effort, together you make relationships work. And generally speaking, isn’t that just kind of how elections work? You show up to the polls, you communicate via your ballot, and collective voices influence the future of your relationship with government.

So don’t just be a thing! Engage! Be humble, and be kind. 💖

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Selfless Leadership.

Leadership is hard, you guys. 😔 I can’t attribute all of my life changes to leadership specifically, but it has played a very large role in shaping my perspective and how I interact/think of others.  Not only have I become a more assertive communicator, but I have heightened self-awareness, higher emotional intelligence, and a much bigger “big picture” approach when analyzing most situations.

It feels like I am constantly making (big and small) sacrifices for the benefit of others, often with little to no reward.  But then, I got to thinking about Jesus.  And living impeccably.  

My assumption was that living impeccably makes life easier; that there would be more happiness.  But that’s not really the case.  Life has definitely gotten harder in many ways.  Although there does seem to be a greater sense of well-being, the complexity of emotions that come with selfless leadership has made me feel (on average) just merely content.  I don’t feel great, but I don’t feel bad either.  I feel just okay.

If living impeccably means to live without sin, and sin is defined as “anything that you do which goes against yourself”, how do I be a selfless leader?  Selfless leadership seems to be nearly constant self-sacrifice.  It seems that living impeccably is the exact opposite of selfless leadership. 

But it’s not.

Naturally, we are very selfless.  It is the influence of others that creates selfishness.  I have loved my Toyota Tacoma for 10 years.  But when my friend got a brand-new Jeep Wrangler, it kind of made me want to trade in the Tacoma.  I was content with what I had, until someone else showed me what I did not have. 

If it is our natural tendency to help others, then not putting others before myself would actually be the sin.  Therefore, living impeccably is. selfless. leadership. 🤯  

As I considered this, I was like, “Shit.  That kind of sucks though.”  Now, I get to go through life building up others while I go without my own desires?  That’s unfair.  At what point do I get rewarded for this selfless behavior? I cannot live miserably to build up others to live impeccably. Does no good deed really go unpunished?

Then I realized that perhaps our reward doesn’t come here on earth.  I think part of me has been seeking reward through the instant gratification we have culturally (and generationally) become accustomed to.  But if I look at this through the much bigger “big picture”, it completely makes sense that the reward is within something bigger than ourselves.

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, whether neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.

Mathew 6:19

Contentment is satisfaction.  And so is selfless leadership.  It may bring me a tinge of pain to go without my wants or needs, but knowing I have helped someone else achieve their goals comes with a great deal of pride in their efforts.  It’s a balance of positive and negative. ⚖️ But really, the positive outweighs the negative, because there is additional satisfaction in knowing I did the right thing.  My heart was in the right place, and that is my treasure.  

I’m not seeking reward in monetary or possessional gains.  I don’t even know what kind of reward I had been seeking.  But if “Godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Timothy 6:6), then I’ve already claimed my reward.