by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Compassion.

Remember when I said 2020 would be epic?  I wasn’t really wrong, was I? 🤦🏻‍♀️ But this definitely wasn’t what I had in mind either.  It’s been such an interesting year so far, and we’re only half way through.

Whether I like it or not, I’m finally starting to settle into this “new normal”.  (A term I am also actually coming to hate.)  It’s been an adjustment, that is for. sure.  And really, I don’t have it nearly as bad as a lot of people.  But that’s not to discount the challenges I have faced during this transition; I’ve definitely been fighting some battles.  Still, I can’t help but feel a bit selfish for indulging in my own sorrows.  Brené Brown calls this “comparative suffering.”  

Comparative suffering is when you minimize someone else’s challenges in comparison to your own – or vice versa.  

I think it’s really important to remind ourselves that we are in. the. midst. of a global pandemic!  We all have a right to feel what we feel, as the experience and ripple effects have affected us all so differently.

Epic is defined as “extending beyond the usual or ordinary in size or scope.” I think this qualifies! 😂 There is so. much. happening beyond the usual and out of the ordinary, not just globally and collectively but individually and personally too.

I think the cure for comparative suffering is empathy and compassion.  We may not fully understand the struggles someone else is facing, but we can definitely tap into the struggles we are facing to relate.  And it’s not just about being compassionate with others, it’s also showing compassion to yourself.  

Brené Brown has a great little video on the difference between sympathy and empathy. But it also includes compassion, although it’s not specifically addressed. Here’s how I would describe the differences:

  • Sympathy – “I see you.”
  • Empathy – “I understand you.”
  • Compassion – “I will help you.”

The deer is demonstrating sympathy. The bear demonstrates empathy by looking into himself and reflecting on something that gives him the same feeling. Going into the hole, sitting with the fox, lending an ear, and giving a hug, that is compassion.

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by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Let Me Be.

I’ve had a rough week. And when I say week, I mean 3 months.

As I mentioned, there’s been a lot of little bad things that have piled up and a few big bad things. Don’t freak out, these things aren’t life or death bad things. But in my little world, they are a big deal. And here’s what I’m tired of people telling me:

  • “It’s not a big deal.”
  • “Don’t let it get to you.”
  • “Just let it go.”
  • “Tomorrow is another day.”
  • “Everything will be fine.”

You get the picture. Then today, I was scrolling through Instagram and came across a caption: “Happiness is a choice.”

Okay. 😒 I’ve had about enough.

Sometimes, I just need to be pissed off. Sometimes, I just need to be sad. Sometimes, I just need to hurt. The best way for me to get through my emotions is to fully feel them, own them, and work through them. Only then will I truly get over them.

I know tomorrow is another day. I know I need to let it go. I know everything will be fine. …. eventually. But sometimes, the feelings are too deep to let go so easily.

I listened to “mood booster” music every single day this week, and I still came home in tears the past two days. A person can only carry so much weight before they begin to crumble. That is life. It happens to all of us.

I was talking to a friend today, and I said, “You know what the worst part of all of this is? And I say worst part, because it’s actually the best part, and I hate that I even recognize it as the best part. It’s a learning experience. I fully recognize that through all this bad, there is good. And it frustrates me even more that I’m not blissfully unaware. That I’m actually thankful to have come out of all of this better.”

And you know what? After I said it, I actually felt better. I literally felt the past 3 months worth of crap start to slip away. And tomorrow? I’m going off-grid. I’m going to my happy place to give my heart and soul time to heal.

Everyone fights their own battles. What may be mountains to one may be mole hills to another. But mole hills can also make a foundation weak. Not all things are as they seem, and not all timelines are the same.

All of the comments from the beginning of this post are essentially polite ways of telling me to “get over it.” Some things you get over, other things you get through. The key is knowing which and reacting accordingly.