by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Pause.

Today, we are so caught up in media, technology, gossip, global news, economic in/stability, and essentially, way more things than I can list.  The advancement of having entertainment at our fingertips has increasingly distracted and distanced us from our need to self-reflect.  And yes, it is a need.  

When we turn our attention inward, it increases creativity and intimacy.  Focusing on our thoughts, identifying our feelings, and pondering our purpose and value activates the part of our brains that bring meaning to our lives and strengthens our identity – both of which contribute to a positive well-being.

Some people can find moments of pause throughout their day to reflect, show gratitude, pray, and/or appreciate; others have to make the time for it.  I’m both.  I need a lot of solitude.  I can appreciate in the small moments of the day-to-day grind, but, at least, probably once a month, I need a full day.  

During this day, I read, write, think, reflect, dream, and feel.  If there’s a lot of shit going on like there has been lately, I need more time alone.  I don’t function well when I can’t fully process the things that are happening around me.  I don’t need to understand everything, but I do need the time to fully digest it and let it settle.

[Side story: My Toastmasters mentor was encouraging me to practice my speeches during my drive time. I said, “Absa-F’ing-lutley. Not.” (Except a lot more eloquently.) Really what I said was, “I can’t do that. My drive time is sacred.” And truly it is. Drive time is my day-to-day pause time.]

As you know, I’m pretty fascinated by how our brains and our bodies work individually and collectively.  To continue on my current obsession of our heart, it actually acts as a great symbol ❤️ for our need to pause and reflect.  

The heart operates in two phases: systole and diastole.  Most people think that the systole phase is where all the action lies, because it’s pumping blood out to all of our other vital organs.  But it’s actually the diastole phase, where the heart relaxes that is the most important.  In this phase, the coronary blood vessels fill and supply oxygen to the heart muscle itself.  Without this pause, our heart would not receive the oxygen required to keep our heart pumping to supply blood to all of our other organs.  It’s the pause that keeps us alive.   

I’m going to repeat that for effect: It’s the pause that keeps us alive.

But truly think about this for a second: The heart receives oxygen when it relaxes. (Oxygen gives us life, people!) And it’s in the relaxation phase, the pause, that we receive the vital nutrients needed. to. live. 🤯‼️

Self-care is critical to our function. As I mentioned in my post about grief, our ability to indulge in external self-care has been limited in the age of COVID. So take the time to pause! It costs nothing, yet can have profound impacts.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Loneliness.

Why is it that loneliness seems to be an unacceptable sentiment in our society? Is it because we are social animals, and so long as we are around people we shouldn’t be lonely? What I think is ironic about this is that I’m willing to bet WAY more people feel lonely than are willing to admit. (And I’m not a gambler, I am that confident with my odds here.)

People tend to generalize emotions. I am victim of this too. I recently talked to a mentor/friend, and she said to me, “Lacy, you keep coming back to the injustices.” Internally, I was like, “Cool”, 😒 (in one ear and out the other), and kept explaining to her what I was going through and the circumstances of the situation. She repeated herself, “Lacy, you keep coming back to the injustices.”

There are underlying themes around our feelings. Here are a few examples:

  • Unmet expectations = Disappointment
  • Wanting what someone else has = Envy
  • Impending danger = Fear
  • Achieving a goal = Joy

What my mentor/friend was getting at was that I was using all of these examples to explain the emotion that I couldn’t just name, but I wasn’t even aware yet that I was feeling! 🤦🏻‍♀️

  • Injustice = Anger

She was right. I was angry over this issue. With each explanation, I was implying that the situation and circumstances weren’t fair to me. And I didn’t even realize it. Sometimes, we are so invested that we are not objective. This is when our social connections become critical. (More on that a few paragraphs down.)

My point is that so. many. people communicate the underlying theme of loneliness without identifying the true emotion.

Former Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy believes that loneliness is a public health concern:

A root cause and contributor to many of the epidemics sweeping the world today from alcohol and drug addition to violence to depression and anxiety.

There are 3 Dimensions of Loneliness:

  1. Intimate – emotional connection: a deep bond of affection and trust
  2. Relational – social connections: quality friendships and support
  3. Collective – community connections: network of common interests or purpose

If you are feeling lonely, chances are your tank is running low on one (or more) of these connections. My mentor/friend fulfilled a relational need to get me through a difficult situation.

I cannot emphasize enough that humans are social creatures that depend on one another. These connections are critical to our function.

Looking at this through the lens of pandemic, it is likely that you are feeling lonely. Admittedly, I am. My tank is currently running low on all 3 dimensions. FaceTime does not replace face time.

There is no shame in the admission of loneliness or any other emotion society conceives as “bad.” This pandemic is going to have lasting effects on our psyches. Self-awareness is imperative, and our ability to identify our emotions will help us get through this thing long-term. ☀️