by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Finding A Place to Shine.

The last ten to fifteen years have been some of the most influential of my life. I overcame depression, finished an associate’s degree, bachelor’s degree, and master’s degree. I began my career in agriculture, which propelled me into all sorts of things I never expected for my life. At some point, I put my head down and just went with it. While there were definitely moments of reflection and self-discovery, there was never any real pause. Which has been one of the biggest blessings in this time off.

But as you know, I believe contentment is what we should strive for to lead a healthy and fulfilling life. With the good, there is bad.

I am seemingly acutely aware that I am not just in a transitional phase, but on the brink of a pivotal shift in my life. I am coming to terms with certain realities that kept surfacing in which I have consistently tried to ignore and avoid. I have been clear with my expectations, and I have set boundaries. I have given others time to adjust. I feel that this time is giving my mind, body, and soul the rest it needs to muster up the strength and courage to make life-changing decisions. And it’s scary AF.

My homepage talks about belonging. Belonging is being true to ourselves, which is not something I think we ever truly achieve. Perhaps, that is the journey. As long as we continually grow, adapt, and open our minds and our hearts, we will constantly rediscover who we are with new information and new experiences. Being true to ourselves requires regular reflection, attention, and action.

A lot of the unhappiness I experienced over the last couple of years is because my head and my heart were not aligned. I let my head lead the way, and my heart reluctantly followed. As I move forward, I am really trying to move forward with my heart first. However, that direction comes with less. Less security. Less certainty. Less support. And maybe that is the test. The Lord will provide. Right?

Easier said than done though. All of it. Following your heart. Living authentically. Being true to yourself. Believing. Having faith. And maybe I’m just overthinking it all. But doesn’t thinking have to go into it to live intentionally, purposefully, and meaningfully? Maybe it doesn’t. I don’t know. 🤷🏻‍♀️

What I do know is that the decisions that will soon be before me have the potential to change the trajectory of my life, if I am brave enough to follow my heart. Part of me feels like I am putting an undue amount of pressure on myself. But at the same time, I can’t change what I feel or ignore it. And I feel that big things are on the horizon. I will just continue to pray that I know the “right” choices when they are presented.

So much of my identity was based around my career, and my cousin said something very wise about it. She said, “A job doesn’t make you who you are. It just gives you a place to shine.” So here’s 🥂 to learning to shine on my own.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

New Beginnings.

I quit my job on Friday. In a move that will seem abrupt to, well, basically everyone, it was a decision that was needed and a rather long time coming. I’m still a little in shock, so I’m turning to the place that always brings me comfort in processing my emotions.

As I anticipate what kind of remarks I will hear when people find out, I think it really comes down to one thing: I listened to what my mind, body, and soul were telling me and acted accordingly. Was it risky? Yeah. Am I scared? Yeah. Do I feel good about it? Eh. I’m not 💯 there yet. But I do know that my head and my heart were not aligned, and it wasn’t going to be a position I (or the company) could thrive in because of that.

Part of me is grieving the future I thought I had figured out. The other part of me feels exhilarated by the limitless possibilities before me.

When I think about the things that truly bring me joy and fulfillment, it wasn’t in the work I was doing. I know a lot of people are going to say, “Work is work.” Then you have others who say, “When you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.” Well, I don’t know who is right, but I’d like to believe the ladder is true.

That position is what I’ve been working toward. It was everything I thought I wanted. Over the last two years, I learned, I want more out of a job and more out of my life. In my gut, I know that I. can. have. it. all. I know it. And now I have more clarity on what I do and do not need to help me achieve everything I want. How cool is that?

A lot of people settle in their roles. They settle for the job, the money, the notoriety, or whatever it may be, and they either knowingly or unknowingly suffer because of it. For the better, I am too self-aware to know when something isn’t right. And with this decision, I proved to myself that I have the courage to make bold moves.

Back in December of 2021, two months after I started the new job, I wrote that I was content with my new role and that I no longer desired to be a writer. I lied. To you and to myself. Here I am, writing, a blog post I started less than 24 hours after I made one of the biggest decisions of my life. This is my happy place.

Leadership is somewhat counterintuitive. People think it is about serving others before serving oneself, but it is actually about knowing yourself and caring for yourself, first, in order to bring your best self to serve others. I had been neglecting myself, and it began to show in more ways than one.

I don’t know what my next move will be. It’s exciting, nerve-racking, a bit stressful, and a bit liberating. But I do believe that God has a plan. I believe that with risk comes reward. I believe that good things come when you follow your heart. And I believe that when things are right, they fall into place. So, while I can admit that I am having a hard time trusting the process, I do believe that this unexpected journey is taking me where I am supposed to go.

What brings me comfort in all of this is that I have been seeking a closer relationship with God. It’s ironic how He works, isn’t it?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Stay tuned…✨✨

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Lull.

A lull is defined as a temporary interval of quiet or lack of activity. I’m in a writing lull. Not because I don’t have anything to write about, but because I have so many thoughts going through my head that I can’t pin them down into a single flowable post. 

I have a personality that has been described as having “a rich inner life.” I think some people would say I’m someone who over analyzes everything … In my defense, I do most of it quietly without anyone knowing, so it’s not like I’m annoying people with my constant questioning of who, what, when, where, why, and how everything in life happens. Okay…maybe I do annoy some people with it. 😬

Between a new job, working with new people, gaining new knowledge, and new experiences, my brain has been working overtime. There is so. much. to learn. 🤯 

Overall, life is good. And busy.

But I miss being here. Writing allows me to process deep thoughts. It seems that I’ve been so busy with the new that I don’t have much energy for the deep. As much as I miss it, I think, it’s for the best. New and deep processing may make me feel overwhelmed, where for the time being, I just feel…whelmed.

This has always been a place where I vulnerably write about things I discover about myself, about people, about leadership, and about life. Not being here has almost made me feel like I’m not improving in any of these areas, because I haven’t needed to take the time to write and sort my thoughts. 

But that’s not true at all. 

I’m in a phase of applying knowledge I’ve gained over the past few years, seeing it being implemented, and watching it play out IRL. This is exactly what I’ve been working so hard for.

This career is one that I never imagined I would have. When you’re in high school, advisors make you feel like college right after high school is the only answer to becoming successful. I was not ready for that. I never envisioned my career, let alone landing in the C-suite. I just fell into a job that I became increasingly passionate about. It was fun, challenging, rewarding, and I wanted to devote so much time and energy to it.

I worked so hard to climb so high that I’m feeling restless while settling in to enjoy the view. But this is a transitional period. Adjusting to something new is always at least a little uncomfortable. They say that great things don’t happen within your comfort zone … It seems like I am in nearly a constant state of discomfort. Which means that great things lie ahead. And I have no doubt that they do. ☺️

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Mastered.

At this time last year, a masters degree was only vaguely on my radar. I started gathering information on degree programs just a few weeks before I became registered for my first class at Brandman University on October 24th. I was looking at several different schools, but time commitment and cost were holding me back. The MyPath program gave me exactly what I wanted: control, flexibility, and affordability.

I gave myself one year to complete 12 classes. I completed 7 days short of 9 months. 🤯

A masters degree is something I kind of always wanted, but never really thought I would get. Especially, since I didn’t finish my bachelors degree until I was 33.

It’s been almost 4 weeks since I’ve been done, and it hasn’t hit me yet. Life has been so busy. The weeks have flown by, and I wonder, “how did I do school on top of all this?” So much personal time was sacrificed. It was so much work. And there has been nothing to signify the accomplishment. It almost feels as though it never happened.

No, I don’t want a party. I am not seeking recognition or praises. But it is a big deal for it not to feel like a big deal.

Bettering my professional life has been my main focus for nearly 10 years. I’m ready to stop climbing and settle into my success. I’ve made a lot of personal sacrifices over that timeframe, and now I want a more complete quality of life.

Right now though, what I really want, is a vacation.

Fortunately, I have one scheduled in just a few short weeks. And I am beyond excited.

The funny thing about school was that all I did was read and write about things that interest me. This is why I was successful in completing so quickly. I love reading and writing! But I have really missed reading books of my choosing and writing here.

It’s been a heck of a year and a half.

Beyond school, I learned a lot about myself. In learning about myself, I learned a lot about others as well. With school off my plate, I will have more energy to deal with system dysfunction and more strength to withstand the external factors trying to take me down. And you know what? I feel ready for the fight. Bring. It. On. 💪🏼

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Gratitude.

Life has been really F’ing hard lately. It feels like I have been rolling with punch after punch, that I haven’t even had the opportunity to indulge in a little “woe is me.”

While I’ve been surface-level complaining, I haven’t been able to process deeply. I haven’t been alone or free long enough to really meditate in those negative emotions. Because. life. is. cray. I have so much on my plate. I heard that sometimes upon graduation, students think that they are going to go out and celebrate their independence, but they all end up getting sick instead. Their bodies go into survival mode to get them through, and once it is over, the body is like “No, chick. Our celebration is lying in bed all day, not drinking mimosas by the pool.” I anticipate this happening to me. 😂😬

I am fully in survival mode. And there is something strange about realizing it.

While I was technically on vacation for two weeks, the time that I wasn’t in BFE was spent doing homework. And I was still checking emails every time I strolled into service, because I really don’t have qualified back up at work. (Food safety is seriously specialized.🙄) Returning to work was like I never left.

After two break downs in three days, I reached out to some friends. While we caught up visiting, I was also able to divulge some of my struggles. This got me thinking about my post on support, because they lifted me up. I felt supported. But I was also like, but, they didn’t do anything. They were just there for me and listened. And I realized, that. is. the. action. Their words of encouragement were just icing on the supportive cake.

It’s funny too, because that same day I was talking to someone else about a gratitude journal. I told him that I had started one a long time ago when I was going through a hard time. But I stopped, because the things that I was thankful for became, “I woke up. I didn’t get in a car accident. I have my health.” And while, yes, these are things to be grateful for, I was missing the point. It was generic gratitude, not purposeful gratitude. I wasn’t actually feeling grateful for those things. I was going through the motions.

So I stopped the gratitude journal. I realized that some days good things, (beyond the normal good things), just don’t happen. Of course, I am grateful for my existence, my health, my safety, and that of my family and friends. That goes without question.

Yesterday, I finally got a pre-harvest assessment I had been requesting from a harvest supervisor. And it was wrong.😖 I was like, okay, but, at least I got the pre-harvest assessment. That should be something to be grateful for. These are the things I would write in the gratitude journal. But these are silver linings. It’s optimism, not gratitude. It’s not the same.

When I got home and had time to reflect on my day, my friendships, and my network, I truly felt grateful. I am surrounded by good people who believe in me. That is awesome. I am so. damn. lucky.

But let’s be real, it didn’t make me feel any better about my situation, my circumstances, or my problems. Those didn’t magically disappear. I’m in the midst of some life changes. There is still turbulence. This is still survival mode. But their support and encouragement just doused the fire to keep me moving forward.

Truly, it is amazing how small gestures of kindness can impact people’s lives. I’m sure my friends had no idea how an hour of their time made me feel so. much. better. about myself and my ability to continue persevering. They say that it is calm in the eye of the storm. 🌪 When you are surrounded by chaos, reach out to those who keep you grounded.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Support.

Support is defined as “bear all or part of the weight of” and “give assistance to.” Support. requires. action. So why do so many people think that simply saying, “I support you” is supportive? 😒 Then have you ever had someone support you with actual help in a task, and then they ask, “What more do you want from me?” when you feel the supportive action wasn’t enough?

Here is how I picture it:

Each person is a railroad engineer. All of your forward progression adds another rail car, whether it be home responsibilities, work tasks, familial obligations, and even hobbies (because sometimes those become obligations when you are feeling overwhelmed). Some people can sustain hauling that weight for long periods of time, others need rest stops or a tow once in a while. The problem is that no one can see how long the train is except for the person who is hauling the load.

Some have better engines. Some are better engineers. Some can haul more weight. Some are carrying heavier loads in less cars. Sometimes external factors change the environment that affect the performance, and sometimes adding one more rail car can break. the. train. down.

Paul Zak says that what we do at work and at home feedback on each other, and we shouldn’t pretend that it doesn’t. Using our railroad analogy, we cannot unhinge a work car from in between a family car and a health car while sitting on a single track.

If our natural inclination is to serve others before self, then why is offering support something that does not seem to come naturally? Sometimes offering support doesn’t even come in the form of work. Sometimes, it’s just being empathetic and compassionate, making that person feel seen and heard. Support can be simple gestures of appreciation. Support looks different to different people, but it all requires action.