by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Guilt.

I recently read a quote that said you need to put others’ needs before your own. As someone trained in leadership, I know that you cannot be a successful leader without first taking care of yourself. You are at the foundation of your leadership, and if the foundation is weak, everything else will be too.

Rachel Hollis lists her priorities:

  1. Herself
  2. Her marriage
  3. Her children

Most people would look at this list and totally give her flack for putting herself and her husband before her children, but I get it and fully stand behind her. You know that saying, “When mom doesn’t feel good, no one feels good”? Everyone feels the effects of a weak leader, whether that leader is a CEO or parent or both.

I was talking to a friend the other day and told her, “I’ve been strong too long.” Everything has compounded, until I ultimately could no longer carry the weight and started to give. It’s no different than when you are sick. If you keep going, you will stay sick longer. But if you stop, rest, and give your body what it needs, you will recover more quickly.

Why is it less acceptable to treat our heart and soul in the same way? Self-care is critical to our function. Just because we can’t see something, doesn’t mean it’s not there. (I can go into a whole behavioral health tangent, but I will save that for another day.)

I had no plans this weekend. For the first time in months, I had no weekend commitment. And as we gear up for the Holidays, this was my only free weekend for another few weeks. And then…it came….a text…

“Playing for the Championships 10:30.” 😫 Instant guilt. My heart literally sank.

In my head, all I could think was no. I am not ready for this. I haven’t had enough time to recuperate. If I go, it will be out of obligation not desire. Then I will be slightly resentful, because this little thing is just one. more. thing. I haven’t even recovered from all the other things. And the healing weekend I had prepared for myself last weekend did not go as planned (which added to the things). And let’s be real, I had no outside weekend commitment, no event, no fundraiser, no family function. But there is still laundry, dishes, yard work and bills to pay, it’s not like I’m doing nothing this weekend. So feeling like a terrible person, I replied, “Not going to make it, but best of luck.”

I know my body, my, heart, and my soul. I know that I can carry a lot of weight, so when I say no, I mean no. And that should be respected. Instead, we are often made to feel guilty about choosing ones self. And in this case, I put the guilt on myself. Women, especially, I think do this all the time. Moms probably even more so. We are so focused on protecting the feelings of others that we neglect our own. But we cannot control how others feel.

We give so much of ourselves to our work, our family, our friends, and our community. Remember that post on the Work-Life Balance? Same applies with give and take. Life is giving and taking.

Lately, I’ve given so much of myself to my work and my community that today, I just did not have the energy to give my time to family too. Instead, I took that time for myself. Because I know that if I did not take this time to ease my soul, I would have been piling on more to an already weak foundation. With the holidays coming up, work and community will take a back seat to family. While I do feel bad for missing the game, opportunity to show I care will present itself soon enough.

Just like the work-life balance, let’s look at the give and take with a wider lens. Lately, work and community held more weight. In the upcoming weeks, life and family will hold more weight. So I’m not going to feel guilty for taking some time to recalibrate, because I want to appreciate the relationships, uphold the traditions, enjoy the company, and feel the love that the holidays bring. Those are the things that give our life meaning, and I don’t want to go into it with a burden of being one. more. thing.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Work-Life Balance.

Rachel Hollis says the work-life balance is total crap. She says that the media caught on to the phrase and overused it to the point that we believe it’s an achievable goal – when it’s not. I don’t think she’s entirely wrong.

I have a friend. I love him. He’s great. But every once in awhile he says something that makes me want to straight up punch him in the face. We’ll be talking about something, and he’ll say, “Well, you’re not married, and you don’t have kids.” While I try to casually let it go, my internal response is more a series of: 🤯😡😤🤬.

You guys – that is a low blow.

First of all, it’s not like I don’t want those things, so thanks for pointing out that I don’t have them (asshole 🙄). Also, it’s not like I don’t have family or friends or obligations or meetings or appointments. It’s not like I don’t have financial ties or budgets to follow. It’s not like I don’t have no persons (or pets) to consider in the decisions I make. It’s not like I have nothing of importance in my life.

But just because I’m not married and don’t have kids does not mean that I don’t struggle with the juggle. (That sounds entirely inappopriate, so I kept it.) It also does not mean that your priorities hold more value than mine; our priorities are just different.

Don’t misconstrue that statement either. Yes, I recognize that a child holds more value than a meeting – or whatever. What I’m trying emphasize is that it’s your child and my meeting. Our choices have led us down different paths – neither is better or worse than the other based on our individual needs and destined directions. Don’t overthink it – K?

A co-worker and I frequently talk about competing priorities. For example: the romaine harvest foreman’s tractor broke down, and his crew is not making their normal piece rate. Meanwhile, the automatic Brussels sprouts harvesting machine went down, and the crew has to hand-harvest the field. Each foreman thinks that repairs on their equipment should be completed first = competing priorities.

I struggled with juggling hunting season with day-job demands and side-hustle goals. Hunting was sacrificed, because too many other things that hold greater future value presented themselves. Work held more weight than personal life, and that’s okay. When I took back-to-back hunting trips to New Zealand then Texas, life held more weight.

I think we look at this work-life balance in a perspective that is too small. We are looking at it daily, weekly, or monthly, when we should be looking at it yearly, or biennially or whatever – just some greater timeline.

Life can change in a day or a minute, even. But life happens over time.

We shouldn’t put so much pressure on ourselves to live for the moment or plan our life out, because let’s be real: life is competing priorities. I think it’s more important to recognize when one side is getting heavier than the other and adjust accordingly.

And it’s not about equal time. Two days away in the quiet mountains reconnecting with nature can rejuvenate me for another two weeks of crazy. A half-hour workout at 5 am can pump me up to take on a hectic day. An hour-long session with my horse on a calm Friday evening is a great way to ease into the weekend.

It’s about quality not quantity.