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Biggest Lesson of The Year.
I’ve been seeing a lot of people post about the biggest lessons they’ve learned this year, and I have been mulling over mine for the past several weeks. This has been a very significant year of growth for me, and I’m not sure I can narrow it down to one big lesson. If I had to summarize what I’ve learned into a general theme, I think my biggest lesson would be that courage can take a long time to build. The more philosophical definition states: courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, pain, danger, etc. without fear. I like this definition more…
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Precipice.
Awhile back, I was talking to a friend about some things I’m going through. As I’m telling her all of these things, I’m asking, “Why is this my fault? Why do I have to do this? Why is this my problem? Why do I have to be the bigger person?” She flat-out, simply, and calmly replied, “Because you are the problem.” ✋🏼 Wait …….. what? So many things ran through my brain as I processed, “You are the problem.” In the span of roughly 30 seconds, I felt shock, then anger and defensiveness, followed by a gradual shift to understanding, before accepting and actually feeling calm with this fact resonating.…
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Intent.
Last week, (or whenever it was), I wrote about our ability to learn from our mistakes. When we make a poor decision with no ill intent, it is simply a human error in judgment, and we move on with life. No harm, no foul. But what happens when there is harm? When there is foul? Why is intent sometimes looked at and not others? My thoughts on this were prompted a few days ago when a liberal friend of mine posted something about guns on her Facebook page. She essentially said that she doesn’t want to take away guns; she just wants people to get proper instruction and training, so…
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Politics.
Leadership is about rising above our lower self. Leaders set aside their own discomfort to make something more bearable for the other person. This creates the opposite of divide. It creates connection. And that’s been proven in psychology and neuroscience. I haven’t watched much of the political debates, because I don’t need to – nor do I want to. All the debates seem to be is a blame and shame game anyway. We don’t need more of that in our polarized society. We need leaders who say, “I’m sorry Mr. Presidential Nominee that you feel I haven’t done enough for the American people. But let me tell you how I plan to help them when I get elected into office.”…
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Closure.
Making sense of something we have lost is the acceptance stage of grief. Seeking closure can stem from any form of loss, not just the loss of a relationship. An explanation or answer as to why we lost something can provide us with the opportunity to learn something about ourselves or the other person or situation (whatever it may be). Closure exists on a scale; different personalities may be more prone to seek closure than others. Not receiving closure for people who need it can lead to psychological distress. One study found that people who prefer order and predictability – having a more rigid way of thinking and a low tolerance for ambiguity…
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Grief.
Suffering is part of human existence. This is fact. Every person in the world has lost something of significance and gone into a process of grieving. Grief takes on different forms for different people. Some numb pain; some deny through avoidance, and some lean into the pain. Loss is unavoidable. Grief comes after loss, and psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross believed that there are 5 stages of grief. They are: Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance There has been criticisms of this grief theory among social scientists. I don’t love it or hate it. I do think grief is a process, but I don’t necessarily think there is a structure (that we grieve in this consecutive order). Grief affects…