by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

2020.

I always look forward to a new year. The down time of the holidays give us time to reflect and be thankful. As Christmas passes, it leaves me feeling hopeful and excited about what’s about to come. And this year will be 2020. Doesn’t that just sound epic?

I can’t believe how much life has changed for me since 2010. I started working in agriculture and made significant strides in my career. I finished my Associates and Bachelor’s degrees. I got Rae and said goodbye to her as well. đź’” I took up archery and hunting and traveled to places I never thought I’d go. I also started volunteering and making a difference in my community.

Life was always kind of hard for me. I never knew what I wanted, how I fit in, or who I really was. It was confusing and trying. Now, it feels like I have the answers to all of those things.

What I like about reflecting on the past is recognizing how the puzzle pieces fit together. Everything I’ve done seems to perfectly add up to have gotten me where I am today.

And that makes me so happy. It gives me faith that the future will work out the way that it’s supposed to. 🙏🏼 It makes me less fearful of the unknown. And it makes me so excited to see what the future holds.

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by : lacylit10 Leadership

Conflict Resolution.

There is a man that I respect who is very intelligent but typically has bad delivery. He has these great ideas and points to make, but his thoughts are scattered when he speaks and sometimes just listening to him and/or conversations with him are hard to follow. He recognizes this about himself and even pokes fun at himself for it.

I went to a meeting with him, where he vocalized his opinion and literally got laughed at. In a room full of professional adults, this lady legit lol’d during his commentary. 

After the meeting, he said to me, “I said what needed to be said. I don’t really care if they think I’m an idiot.”

That is having courage.

Because he was right. He said what everyone else was too afraid to say. And can they really judge him when he had the guts to vulnerably admit the problem? No. He took one for the team. Everyone else wanted to dance around the issue. And you know why she laughed? Because he called her out on it.

People are so afraid of conflict that they don’t realize they’re creating more of it by not directly addressing the issue head-on.

While conflict is uncomfortable, it needs to be hashed out. Like this man, I’m typically the one who wants to call people out on their bullshit, so we can find solutions. That’s the only way you will truly move forward.

But people have very emotional responses to conflict. I’m not immune to this either. Criticism, negative feedback – these are tough pills to swallow.

I recently approached someone with a problem I was having. He needed to be made aware of a situation, and I was dreading this conversation. I psyched myself out about it before I approached him. I had a lump in my throat. Pretty sure my hands were shaking. I knew exactly how the conversation was going to go down, and it went down worse than I anticipated. I presented him with facts. I had examples. But he got defensive, made excuses, and then completely shut down.

Now, I work in a masculine industry. Feelings don’t belong in farming, right?

WRONG!

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Our feelings drive our behavior, our attitude, and our actions. Do you think he responded the way he did, because he was unfazed by the information? No. I struck a nerve.

And how did I respond to the situation? I. Was. Pissed. This was not an easy conversation for me to start, and he completely dismissed what I had to say. And for as much as I’d like to be completely passive-aggressive in our future encounters, my leadership training has taught me to rise above. (Also, I’m slightly resenting all that training in this instance.)

Conflict is necessary for good communication and in good relationships. We can’t just constantly talk about all that’s great in the world. Look how that’s gone down in social media. People only post the best part of their lives, and we are left feeling inadequate. We become disengaged, self-conscious, and unworthy. Do you want to feel that way in your personal and professional lives too?

There’s a great quote that I’ll paraphrase, because I don’t know who said it, but it goes something like: conflict is not the difference between good and bad but between truth and lies.

Yeah, it sucks to be dismissed or laughed at. But plant the seed. (Farm pun not intended but should definitely be recognized.) You will feel better for making the effort and stating your peace. The truth will come out eventually, and the conflict will no longer be avoidable.

The longer the conflict lingers, the worse off you will be. People go into self-preservation mode and facts become fuzzy. Feelings build. Minor issues become major issues.

We are human; we make mistakes. How you handle conflict is a true test of character. In my examples, one man earned some of my respect while the other lost some. So which do you think I’m inclined to build a better relationship with?

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Comfort in the Uncomfortable.

In everything I read and learn or have experienced, we connect with people when we are vulnerable. When we share something personal with someone else, all of a sudden, our differences disappear; our arguments dissolve. We no longer see that person as an enemy, but as someone who has struggles, fears, and feelings. That person becomes relatable.

As I enter different phases of my leadership journey, there’s different areas of my life that I’ve been sharing – some more difficult than others. While I’m not necessarily embarrassed by these experiences, some I would just prefer not to vocalize, often times in a room full of people I don’t know very well. It takes courage, and courage is vulnerability.

I once heard that we need to find comfort in the uncomfortable. I was like, yeah, okay. I mean, the concept isn’t a hard one to understand. Jack Canfield explains it well:

If we’re not a little bit uncomfortable every day, we are not growing. All the good stuff is outside our comfort zone.

But I’ve got to be honest, I did not feel that statement until recently.

As I travel down this road, the more I find myself in uncomfortable situations, whether that be public speaking, sharing a personal story, showing up to an event where I don’t know anyone – or whatever it may be. There is consistently new experiences. Which is awesome (and terrifying at the same time), because that means I’m moving forward and growing.

And you know what? It’s actually gotten easier.

I would consider myself a very introverted person. I like my alone time. I like to really think things over. And it takes a lot of energy to go out and network. But after going to an event or a speaking engagement or whatever it may be, I don’t go back to my car and praise Jesus that it’s over (anymore – for the most part). And that my friends, is progress.

But as someone who likes data, I can’t help but wonder if it’s only my perception that makes it seem easier or am I actually becoming more of an extrovert? At work, we talk a lot about SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relatable, and Timely). Not that this was specifically one of my goals, but show me some results that measure improvement. Does this data even exist and how would I find it?

Turns out, I have some data.

I recently took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Assessment. If the Extrovert/Introvert scale ran from left (E) to right (I), I would have expected to be on the far right. But I actually fell closer to the middle. Nearly two years ago (October 2017), I took the DiSC Assessment and scored very, very low in Social Influence.

While these are two different types of personality tests that scientifically wouldn’t hold as legit measurable proof, they’re good enough for me! I don’t necessarily think I’ve become more of an extrovert, I think I’ve just better adapted to “turning it on”.

And I think this is exactly what finding comfort in the uncomfortable means. It’s when the hard things become easier. When you focus more on the benefits than the fear, it makes the uncomfortable a little more bearable.