by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Transformational Change.

Transformational change completely reshapes an organization. It can be strategic such as a change in leadership due to a merger or acquisition. It can be due to innovative technologies that drastically change processes, or it can be due to adding or eliminating a product or market. Although transformational change is generally positive, it can instill fear, doubt, and insecurity among employees. 

There are 4 stages of transformational change, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they are similar to the 5 stages of grief outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler.

ChangeGrief
DenialDenial
ResistanceAnger
ExplorationBargaining
CommitmentDepression
Acceptance

Back in 2020, I wrote that I was undergoing a transformation. Over the past few weeks, I have been emotional, feeling the same uneasiness, restlessness, hope, motivation, and inspiration that I felt then. Just a few months after I wrote that post, I started my master’s degree (which, I feel, has in large part led to my current feelings of transformational change). 

Emotions are stirring deep within my heart and soul. I am on a precipice. But with that anticipation and excitement, I have been grieving the professional future I had planned for myself. I am coming to terms with some things in my personal life that I have been resisting for years, and I am bargaining for some sort of stability and comfort with all of this change. At the same time, I am exploring changing my career and moving out of the area. All while trying not to get down on myself and remain positive about who I am, what I offer, and what I can do.

In short: I am feeling all. of. the. things.

When advancing your career, there are often parts of you that you have to leave behind in order to grow and move forward. Life is the same way. I will be leaving parts of me behind when I make my next move(s), and I feel like I am grieving those things now.

While some experts argue that anticipatory grief doesn’t do you any good, others believe that it does help with post-loss grief. Personally, I feel (or am choosing to believe) that my anticipatory grief is making room for the excitement that comes along with something new.

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Sensitive.

Mornings are my favorite. But there is something about Sunday mornings in particular. I’m not sure if it’s restful peacefulness of a week coming to a close or the calm before an eventful week ahead. Either way, sitting with a warm cup of coffee ☕️ in front of my computer while the sun rises outside my office window – this is my happy place.

It’s a time of reflection and preparation. I type out the thoughts that have been weighing on my mind, more for my own processing than anything else. As with most mornings, it’s hard to narrow my thoughts into a flowable post. Topics that have been swirling in my brain lately evolve around transitions, change, expertise, love, past, connection, friendship, future, goals, and many other things. And I laugh a little, because this is so me. My mind working on a million things at once, trying to make sense of the world around me.

I’m one of those people who “read too much into things.” This was something that I used to be embarrassed and ashamed of. I can’t turn it off, and I can’t change it. I have always been told told “Don’t take it so personally. Get over it. You’re so sensitive. Grow thicker skin.” – and other similar phrases that told me I was weak and different.

It wasn’t until I started really diving into leadership that I realized my sensitivity was a strength and something to embrace. Finally, I didn’t feel so weird. Nuances I noticed that others did not gave me a competitive advantage.

Turns out, high sensitivity is an actual thing. Roughly 20% of the population are highly sensitive people. HSPs have stronger reactions to internal and external activity. Some studies have shown that HSPs have more active mental circuitry and neurochemicals in areas related to decision-making, action-planning, attention, and strong internal experiences, which means I can channel my “focus with precision, make thoughtful choices, and spark rich insights to bring great ideas to the table.” I am wired this way. It’s genetics. I really cannot change it.

I always say little things matter, and my comment is often dismissed by people who more than likely do not register on the HSP scale. But I’m more keen to subtleties than others. If someone shifts in their seat after a comment is made in a meeting, it could mean something. A certain tone or inflection when speaking could mean something. If my heart starts racing while walking by myself, it could mean something. Just because it could mean something, doesn’t mean it always does, but it is worth paying attention to the intuitive feelings and vibes people give.

I’m always trying to understand the why. It’s my own personal search to discover the unspoken language of the world. The more I learn about myself, the more I learn about others. The deeper I dive into emotion, neuroscience, and psychology, the better I understand why I am the way I am and why others are the way the are.

As time passes, the less I believe we should treat others the way we wish to be treated, and more so believe we should treat others the way they wish to be treated. Noticing nuances allows us to cater interactions to the individual, providing opportunity for vulnerability, empathy, and connection to occur.

People obviously recognized my sensitivity, but no one responded to it in a manner that was beneficial to me, and I spent much of my life thinking something was wrong with me. But I don’t blame anyone. A lot of this science didn’t exist when I was young, so we did the best we could. The thing is that when we approach people with an open mind and an open heart, we’re more likely to accept people as. they. are. Every person we encounter has something to teach us. We just have to be willing to learn. 💫

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Gratitude.

Life has been really F’ing hard lately. It feels like I have been rolling with punch after punch, that I haven’t even had the opportunity to indulge in a little “woe is me.”

While I’ve been surface-level complaining, I haven’t been able to process deeply. I haven’t been alone or free long enough to really meditate in those negative emotions. Because. life. is. cray. I have so much on my plate. I heard that sometimes upon graduation, students think that they are going to go out and celebrate their independence, but they all end up getting sick instead. Their bodies go into survival mode to get them through, and once it is over, the body is like “No, chick. Our celebration is lying in bed all day, not drinking mimosas by the pool.” I anticipate this happening to me. 😂😬

I am fully in survival mode. And there is something strange about realizing it.

While I was technically on vacation for two weeks, the time that I wasn’t in BFE was spent doing homework. And I was still checking emails every time I strolled into service, because I really don’t have qualified back up at work. (Food safety is seriously specialized.🙄) Returning to work was like I never left.

After two break downs in three days, I reached out to some friends. While we caught up visiting, I was also able to divulge some of my struggles. This got me thinking about my post on support, because they lifted me up. I felt supported. But I was also like, but, they didn’t do anything. They were just there for me and listened. And I realized, that. is. the. action. Their words of encouragement were just icing on the supportive cake.

It’s funny too, because that same day I was talking to someone else about a gratitude journal. I told him that I had started one a long time ago when I was going through a hard time. But I stopped, because the things that I was thankful for became, “I woke up. I didn’t get in a car accident. I have my health.” And while, yes, these are things to be grateful for, I was missing the point. It was generic gratitude, not purposeful gratitude. I wasn’t actually feeling grateful for those things. I was going through the motions.

So I stopped the gratitude journal. I realized that some days good things, (beyond the normal good things), just don’t happen. Of course, I am grateful for my existence, my health, my safety, and that of my family and friends. That goes without question.

Yesterday, I finally got a pre-harvest assessment I had been requesting from a harvest supervisor. And it was wrong.😖 I was like, okay, but, at least I got the pre-harvest assessment. That should be something to be grateful for. These are the things I would write in the gratitude journal. But these are silver linings. It’s optimism, not gratitude. It’s not the same.

When I got home and had time to reflect on my day, my friendships, and my network, I truly felt grateful. I am surrounded by good people who believe in me. That is awesome. I am so. damn. lucky.

But let’s be real, it didn’t make me feel any better about my situation, my circumstances, or my problems. Those didn’t magically disappear. I’m in the midst of some life changes. There is still turbulence. This is still survival mode. But their support and encouragement just doused the fire to keep me moving forward.

Truly, it is amazing how small gestures of kindness can impact people’s lives. I’m sure my friends had no idea how an hour of their time made me feel so. much. better. about myself and my ability to continue persevering. They say that it is calm in the eye of the storm. 🌪 When you are surrounded by chaos, reach out to those who keep you grounded.

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Passion.

Merriam-Webster defines passion as an “intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction.”  I don’t really like this definition.  I can have intense feelings of happiness or sadness or anger or any other emotion.  I feel like passion is more encompassing, but I’m not sure of what.  

You always hear motivational and inspirational speakers tell you to “Find your passion.”  Like, what does that even mean? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Why don’t they say “Find what you love?” or “Find what makes you happy?”  What is it about passion that sets it apart?

I’ve had a lot of jobs in a lot of different industries.  But it wasn’t until I started working in farming that I truly began to understand what “find your passion” meant. In the day-to-day, I truly enjoy helping produce a safe and healthy food supply for my family, my community, and beyond.  I can be out walking a field and feel pure happiness, if even just for a moment.  I can submit paperwork and feel pride.  I can learn from an irrigator and feel connection. I can teach leadership and feel helpful.

But there are some days…

There are some days when I personally feel attacked, my role feels attacked, or when I feel my company or industry is being attacked – you wanna talk about intense feelings? 🤬 The anger and frustration can shoot straight through to my core.  Claws come out, and I. am. ready to pull out all. the. guns.  I can go from an extreme of positive emotions to an extreme of negative emotions in a matter of seconds. But the good days by far outweigh the bad days. And even on the bad days, there are few things I’d rather do more.

That. is. passion.

Kevin Hall defines passion as “A willingness to suffer for what you love” – a definition I really like.

But I don’t think passion is something you find. I think passion is like love.  It. finds. you.  When the time is right.  Society puts so much pressure on us to have both within a timeframe it deems “normal.”  As a collective, who is society to set these standards when we consider how many people are in unhappy marriages and unhappy in their careers?  

A “calling” is accompanied by “conviction of divine influence.”

Conviction is referenced in the Merriam-Webster definitions of passion and calling. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Conviction and passion are rooted in belief. Belief is putting trust or confidence in someone or some thing. Put that belief in yourself and your God, and you will find your passion when your passion finds you. It’s ethos, pathos, and logos working together.

All those random jobs I had before farming gave me perspective. Ten years ago, I didn’t have the confidence or the backbone to do what I do today. There’s a reason I found my calling when I did. I don’t think this is my only calling either. I think this is where I am supposed to be at this time in my life. And as I feel myself undergoing transformational change, this phase of life is just a stretch of highway on the journey.

As we learn and we grow, we change. Ten years from now, I can be in a completely different place. We don’t know what life has in store for us. Perhaps we must go through the rough waters until we reach our passion, and at that point it becomes smooth sailing. ⛵️ But not without challenge – just challenge you’re better suited to navigate. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I dunno; I’m learning as I go too!

But what I do know, is that I think most people equate passion with happiness. If we find our passion, we become happier. But there is nothing about suffering that makes one happy. I think passion is a balance between positive and negative emotions; it is contentment.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Pause.

Today, we are so caught up in media, technology, gossip, global news, economic in/stability, and essentially, way more things than I can list.  The advancement of having entertainment at our fingertips has increasingly distracted and distanced us from our need to self-reflect.  And yes, it is a need.  

When we turn our attention inward, it increases creativity and intimacy.  Focusing on our thoughts, identifying our feelings, and pondering our purpose and value activates the part of our brains that bring meaning to our lives and strengthens our identity – both of which contribute to a positive well-being.

Some people can find moments of pause throughout their day to reflect, show gratitude, pray, and/or appreciate; others have to make the time for it.  I’m both.  I need a lot of solitude.  I can appreciate in the small moments of the day-to-day grind, but, at least, probably once a month, I need a full day.  

During this day, I read, write, think, reflect, dream, and feel.  If there’s a lot of shit going on like there has been lately, I need more time alone.  I don’t function well when I can’t fully process the things that are happening around me.  I don’t need to understand everything, but I do need the time to fully digest it and let it settle.

[Side story: My Toastmasters mentor was encouraging me to practice my speeches during my drive time. I said, “Absa-F’ing-lutley. Not.” (Except a lot more eloquently.) Really what I said was, “I can’t do that. My drive time is sacred.” And truly it is. Drive time is my day-to-day pause time.]

As you know, I’m pretty fascinated by how our brains and our bodies work individually and collectively.  To continue on my current obsession of our heart, it actually acts as a great symbol ❤️ for our need to pause and reflect.  

The heart operates in two phases: systole and diastole.  Most people think that the systole phase is where all the action lies, because it’s pumping blood out to all of our other vital organs.  But it’s actually the diastole phase, where the heart relaxes that is the most important.  In this phase, the coronary blood vessels fill and supply oxygen to the heart muscle itself.  Without this pause, our heart would not receive the oxygen required to keep our heart pumping to supply blood to all of our other organs.  It’s the pause that keeps us alive.   

I’m going to repeat that for effect: It’s the pause that keeps us alive.

But truly think about this for a second: The heart receives oxygen when it relaxes. (Oxygen gives us life, people!) And it’s in the relaxation phase, the pause, that we receive the vital nutrients needed. to. live. 🤯‼️

Self-care is critical to our function. As I mentioned in my post about grief, our ability to indulge in external self-care has been limited in the age of COVID. So take the time to pause! It costs nothing, yet can have profound impacts.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Rise Above.

Lately, I’ve been having a hard time keeping my mouth shut.  Having made sacrifices for people who don’t acknowledge or appreciate how I’m hurting myself for their benefit has been tolling.  So badly, I want to just yell at them and say, “You did this!  You didn’t do that!  You are this way!  It is your problem!”  I’ve had to muster up a lot of strength to not blame and shame.  

In the age of social media, moving on from people who have hurt us can be difficult.  With each post that pops up on our feed, it is a painful reminder of what could have, should have, was or isn’t.  Being the stubborn person that I am, I refuse to unfollow.  I don’t want to give that person satisfaction to know I am still hurting.  (If it’s even noticed. 🙄)  I’m trying to acknowledge our lives go on and be happy for that person separate from me, (because deep down I know it’s for the best).  Still, a bitter taste resides in my mouth.  I think of all the self-work it’s taken me to accept what is, only to see them rather easily and happily moving on without me.  I must not have been as important to them as they were to me.

But I know this isn’t true.  They could easily say the same about me.  What we see on social media is curated.  I don’t post my dark days online and neither do most other people.  

Sometimes we forget that these unhappy reminders happen IRL too.  We run into someone we’ve parted with in the most unexpected of places.  We stumble through awkward hellos and good to see yous only for it to remind us of the good times we had that have now been lost.  We walk away feeling melancholy, possibly in a bit of shock, and ultimately try to collect ourselves from the social-emotional connection wall we just hit.  Whether the demise of the relationship was good or bad often seems irrelevant in these situations.  At some point, this person was important to us, and our memory almost automatically floods with feelings of good.  We have to remind ourselves that the relationship ended for a reason, and that we are better off a part.

Reminders of relationships past are almost unavoidable.  Some relationships end, and you will eventually run into that person again.  Some relationships end, and the relationship takes a different form.  Some relationships end, and you will never see or hear of that person again.  Some relationships end, and your world will never be the same without them.

When a relationship is lost due to death, sometimes the reminders of this person comes in all of these forms: A memory pops up on our Facebook feed; an old acquaintance you run into asks how that person is doing; and a possessional item holds significant emotional value.  

It is the people we connect with that brings meaning and purpose to our lives.  When relationships end, the fulfillment brought to our lives from that person does not diminish too.  We have learned and grown from that person, that relationship, and that brings a deeper purpose to our being after the relationship, just as it did during the relationship.

Sometimes, we have to let go of relationships before we feel ready; our head and our heart can be in two different places.  This is when it’s hard to accept ambiguity in closure.  I think seeking closure is a lot like seeking an apology.  We want someone else to take responsibility for their part.  When they fail to recognize how they’ve contributed to the problem or the demise of the relationship, we have to rise above our lower self.  We have to resist the urge to say, “You did this!  You didn’t do that!  You are this way!  It is your problem!”

But let’s be real, this can be really F’ing hard.

What we need to remember is that there isn’t always an immediately better view when we take the high road. The terrain may actually be steeper and more difficult to navigate. The journey can be longer.

We were put on this planet to serve one another. Sure, it may be easier to stoop to a lower level. But stooping to that level of answering blame with blame and shame with same isn’t making the situation better for anyone. The other person may not have the emotional strength and intelligence to rise above their lower self. While we may not immediately feel better rising above our lower self, it’s actually putting a stop to the blame and shame cycle – which is better for everyone in the long run. ✨