by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Selfless Leadership.

Leadership is hard, you guys. šŸ˜” I canā€™t attribute all of my life changes to leadership specifically, but it has played a very large role in shaping my perspective and how I interact/think of others.  Not only have I become a more assertive communicator, but I have heightened self-awareness, higher emotional intelligence, and a much bigger ā€œbig pictureā€ approach when analyzing most situations.

It feels like I am constantly making (big and small) sacrifices for the benefit of others, often with little to no reward.  But then, I got to thinking about Jesus.  And living impeccably.  

My assumption was that living impeccably makes life easier; that there would be more happiness.  But thatā€™s not really the case.  Life has definitely gotten harder in many ways.  Although there does seem to be a greater sense of well-being, the complexity of emotions that come with selfless leadership has made me feel (on average) just merely content.  I donā€™t feel great, but I donā€™t feel bad either.  I feel just okay.

If living impeccably means to live without sin, and sin is defined as ā€œanything that you do which goes against yourselfā€, how do I be a selfless leader?  Selfless leadership seems to be nearly constant self-sacrifice.  It seems that living impeccably is the exact opposite of selfless leadership. 

But itā€™s not.

Naturally, we are very selfless.  It is the influence of others that creates selfishness.  I have loved my Toyota Tacoma for 10 years.  But when my friend got a brand-new Jeep Wrangler, it kind of made me want to trade in the Tacoma.  I was content with what I had, until someone else showed me what I did not have. 

If it is our natural tendency to help others, then not putting others before myself would actually be the sin.  Therefore, living impeccably is. selfless. leadership. šŸ¤Æ  

As I considered this, I was like, “Shit.  That kind of sucks though.”  Now, I get to go through life building up others while I go without my own desires?  Thatā€™s unfair.  At what point do I get rewarded for this selfless behavior? I cannot live miserably to build up others to live impeccably. Does no good deed really go unpunished?

Then I realized that perhaps our reward doesnā€™t come here on earth.  I think part of me has been seeking reward through the instant gratification we have culturally (and generationally) become accustomed to.  But if I look at this through the much bigger ā€œbig picture”, it completely makes sense that the reward is within something bigger than ourselves.

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, whether neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.

Mathew 6:19

Contentment is satisfaction.  And so is selfless leadership.  It may bring me a tinge of pain to go without my wants or needs, but knowing I have helped someone else achieve their goals comes with a great deal of pride in their efforts.  Itā€™s a balance of positive and negative. āš–ļø But really, the positive outweighs the negative, because there is additional satisfaction in knowing I did the right thing.  My heart was in the right place, and that is my treasure.  

Iā€™m not seeking reward in monetary or possessional gains.  I donā€™t even know what kind of reward I had been seeking.  But if ā€œGodliness with contentment is great gainā€ (1 Timothy 6:6), then Iā€™ve already claimed my reward.  

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Transformation.

Do you ever go through periods of life where you feel God working within you? What this looks like may be different for each of us, but for me, I feel uneasy, restless, and emotional, yet hopeful, motivated, and inspired. I recognize these feelings when they appear and know that I am going through a transformational change.

In most change models, we create a picture of what we think the solution should be, then work hard to make reality fit that picture. We try to dominate the situation. I have a friend who is super Type A, logical, and analytical. This would be his approach to change. You create a game plan, and you stick to the game plan.

Transformational change activates the power of vision and humility to face the mysteries of life. We control what we can control, and roll with the punches that we cannot. This is my approach to change. You cultivate discipline of good planning, and adapt to the situation as it is in each moment.

I always say that you need to find comfort in the uncomfortable, but that does not mean that it is comfortable. Susan David says that tough emotions are part of our contract for a meaningful life. Discomfort is movement and growth.

In talking about her sobriety journey, Glennon Doyle says she hasn’t felt fine in 17 years. I’m not an alcoholic, nor have I been, but I so related to this comment. I am a deep feeler. As someone who is constantly seeking personal and professional growth, I am always in a state of discomfort.

The societal expectation is that we don’t talk about our feelings. Feelings are for sissies. I actually find that notion hilarious, because it is the opposite that is true. Remember when I wrote about the definition of courage and talking about our feelings? It is much easier for me to write about my feelings, but to say them out loud? Oy vey. šŸ¤¦šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø

It is hard to live in a constant state of discomfort. Sometimes, it is so. incredibly. difficult. But feelings are meant to be felt, that’s why we have them! They exist to prompt you into moving! It may seem easier to avoid our feelings, but avoiding our feelings is what drives a lot of people to alcoholism or drugs. They don’t want to feel. I’m sure most of us would agree that it’s probably better to feel what we feel than be driven to addiction. No? šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø

I feel like the only thing that would be worse than feeling feelings would be not feeling them at all. Could you imagine? You have to have the good and the bad. It’s not a one or the other.

When I lost my dog, my heart didn’t just break; it shattered. šŸ’” It was in pieces, and I had physical reactions to the pain. It was a deeper hurt than I had experienced in a very, very long time. But even through my grief, I was accepting of the pain, the hurt, and the trauma. All those deeply negative emotions gave profound meaning to her existence and her purpose in my life.

Although I am in a constant state of improvement, transformational change is different. It comes from deep within. It’s like an accumulation of weeks, months or years worth of discomfort in growth coming to a head. Although it’s rough to navigate through, I know good things are on the horizon. And that is so. damn. exciting.

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by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Happiness.

Philosophers caution against focusing on happiness as the ultimate good in life, and I tend to agree.  Happiness is subjective; itā€™s not a constant.  I think weā€™ve put happiness on this unobtainable pedestal. Itā€™s something that we havenā€™t actually defined for ourselves as individuals, and we strive for an unrealistic, curated ideal (however it is we perceive that ideal).  Basically, we really donā€™t even know what we are searching for. 

What we talk about in our culture as happiness is really kind of a revved-up version of happiness. It’s a high-energy [state] — scientists call it a high-arousal positive affect. It’s a feeling, it’s transient, it’s not quality of life, it’s not so many things.

Dr. Laurie Helgoe, The Introvert Entrepreneur

Happiness is an emotion, and emotions are fleeting.  I think a more realistic target for measuring good in life is our overall well-being.

Research has determined 6 dimensions of well-being.  People rank either high or low (defined as high):

  1. Self-Acceptance ā€“ positive attitude toward self;
  2. Positive Relations with Others ā€“ concerned about the welfare of others; willing to compromise to sustain important ties;
  3. Autonomy ā€“ independent, evaluates self by personal standards, resists social pressures;
  4. Environmental Mastery ā€“ controls external activities and makes use of surrounding opportunities;
  5. Purpose in Life ā€“ has goals and a sense of direction, feels there is meaning to life past and present, holds beliefs and objectives;
  6. Personal Growth ā€“ continued development and expansion, open to new experiences, notices improvement in self and behavior.

Life is so. much. more. than just. being. happy.Ā Ā Failures,Ā negative emotions, disappointing outcomes ā€“ all these ā€œbadā€ things further define the purpose and meaning of our lives.Ā Ā These arenā€™t happy things, but they doĀ leadĀ to happiness.Ā Ā 

In high school, I tried out for the softball team and didnā€™t make it, which made me sad.Ā Ā But I saw it as an opportunity to work on my skills.Ā Ā I became stronger, faster, and more knowledgeable about the sport.Ā Ā I had to put forthĀ moreĀ effort using several of the dimensions listed above.Ā Ā I didnā€™t try out again the following year, because I got asked to play for an elite travel ball team. The failure actually led toĀ moreĀ positivity in my well-being.

Even when present in exemplary lives, philosophers construe happiness not as an end in itself but a byproduct of other, more noble pursuits.

(source)

Iā€™ve been facing an uphill climb the past few months.  Iā€™ve faced several losses, some more significant than others.  Nonetheless, all left me grieving or feeling defeated in some way. Even through these tough times, I recognize that God is working in my life for good reason.  I am becoming stronger and more resilient.  This is character building.  

I have by no means been feeling happy, but overall, I still maintain a positive well-being.  I recognize storms may never stop coming ā€“ but neither do the rainbows! šŸŒˆ We canā€™t judge our life solely on the storms or solely on the rainbows.  Without one, you canā€™t have the other.  

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Worth.

Normally, when I want something, I go after it to make it happen.Ā Ā The problem is that sometimes you can only go so far until other people play a part in whether or not you can achieve your desired outcome.Ā Ā I can work my ass off to get into a program, but I cannot force the board to choose me.Ā Ā I can put forth the effort in a relationship, but I cannot force the other person to reciprocate.Ā Ā 

At some point, you have to analyze whether or not the things you want are actually worthy of your desire.  Sometimes this means walking away from something that you really want.

I recently made the decision that it would be best for me to walk away from something that I want.Ā Ā Analyzing the situation, what I was receiving was not what I deserve.Ā Ā Therefore, it was not worthy of my desire.Ā Ā 

Although I know the decision I made is best for me, there is still a lot of disappointment in not being able to achieve my desired outcome.Ā Ā Itā€™s frustrating to put the effort into something where it is not recognized or appreciated.Ā Ā It hurts to not be seen by someone (and it is always someone) that you respect and admire, and maybe even love (if itā€™s a relationship).Ā Ā 

But the choice is clear.  I can either stay in this agreement being valued in limited capacity or I can walk away with dignity and faith someone else will see and appreciate my full value.  Even though Iā€™m making the choice to walk away, there are still underlying feelings of rejection.  And rejection hurts, no matter which way I try and spin this.  

We can be blinded by things that we want and ignore signs devaluing our worth.Ā Ā When I recognized signs, I made excuses and gave benefit of the doubt ā€“ which I think is fair, to some extent.Ā Ā But when I noticed repeat patterns, it was then that I knew I needed to make a decision.

The decision comes with loss.Ā Ā Loss of what I had and loss of hope for what it could have been.Ā Ā There will be aĀ grieving process, and thatā€™s okay.Ā Ā It means I took the chance on something of significance.Ā Ā It took courage to try, and it takes self-respect to walk away. These are very strong qualities that need to be identified and embraced in order to avoid a shame storm.

Itā€™s these hard decisions, these tough times, these risks taken, and these lessons learned that will inevitably increase my worth. What I contribute will be rewarding for a person that sees my full value. But more importantly, by not selling myself short, and giving myself the opportunity to be recognized and appreciated for my full value – it will. be. priceless.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

2020.

I always look forward to a new year. The down time of the holidays give us time to reflect and be thankful. As Christmas passes, it leaves me feeling hopeful and excited about what’s about to come. And this year will be 2020. Doesn’t that just sound epic?

I can’t believe how much life has changed for me since 2010. I started working in agriculture and made significant strides in my career. I finished my Associates and Bachelor’s degrees. I got Rae and said goodbye to her as well. šŸ’” I took up archery and hunting and traveled to places I never thought I’d go. I also started volunteering and making a difference in my community.

Life was always kind of hard for me. I never knew what I wanted, how I fit in, or who I really was. It was confusing and trying. Now, it feels like I have the answers to all of those things.

What I like about reflecting on the past is recognizing how the puzzle pieces fit together. Everything I’ve done seems to perfectly add up to have gotten me where I am today.

And that makes me so happy. It gives me faith that the future will work out the way that it’s supposed to. šŸ™šŸ¼ It makes me less fearful of the unknown. And it makes me so excited to see what the future holds.

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