Normally, when I want something, I go after it to make it happen. The problem is that sometimes you can only go so far until other people play a part in whether or not you can achieve your desired outcome. I can work my ass off to get into a program, but I cannot force the board to choose me. I can put forth the effort in a relationship, but I cannot force the other person to reciprocate.
At some point, you have to analyze whether or not the things you want are actually worthy of your desire. Sometimes this means walking away from something that you really want.
I recently made the decision that it would be best for me to walk away from something that I want. Analyzing the situation, what I was receiving was not what I deserve. Therefore, it was not worthy of my desire.
Although I know the decision I made is best for me, there is still a lot of disappointment in not being able to achieve my desired outcome. It’s frustrating to put the effort into something where it is not recognized or appreciated. It hurts to not be seen by someone (and it is always someone) that you respect and admire, and maybe even love (if it’s a relationship).
But the choice is clear. I can either stay in this agreement being valued in limited capacity or I can walk away with dignity and faith someone else will see and appreciate my full value. Even though I’m making the choice to walk away, there are still underlying feelings of rejection. And rejection hurts, no matter which way I try and spin this.
We can be blinded by things that we want and ignore signs devaluing our worth. When I recognized signs, I made excuses and gave benefit of the doubt – which I think is fair, to some extent. But when I noticed repeat patterns, it was then that I knew I needed to make a decision.
The decision comes with loss. Loss of what I had and loss of hope for what it could have been. There will be a grieving process, and that’s okay. It means I took the chance on something of significance. It took courage to try, and it takes self-respect to walk away. These are very strong qualities that need to be identified and embraced in order to avoid a shame storm.
It’s these hard decisions, these tough times, these risks taken, and these lessons learned that will inevitably increase my worth. What I contribute will be rewarding for a person that sees my full value. But more importantly, by not selling myself short, and giving myself the opportunity to be recognized and appreciated for my full value – it will. be. priceless.
By 
