by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Spirit.

If you remember, melancholy is defined as a “sadness or depression of mind or spirit.” As we are well. over. 6 months into this pandemic, melancholy seems to still accurately describe my mood. I feel like my spirit is curled up in the fetal position, tucked away in a small corner of my heart. It’s gone into hibernation through this pandemic, and I am consciously sad that my spirit is depressed.

Regardless of political beliefs, the fact is that our government is dictating what we can do, how we can do it, and with whom we can associate. People need people, and we are literally being told to stay away from each other. If we look at the 3 dimensions of loneliness in a pie graph, we need connection with those in our intimate, relational, and collective spaces in order to feel whole. But our relational and collective spaces have been pushed into non-existence, we are only getting a small sliver of the connection we need.

Research has found that one does not voluntarily become lonely. When we feel on the verge (or in the midst) of social isolation, it increases our motivation to connect with others while also increasing our motivation to go into self-preservation. In other words, isolation makes us feel vulnerable. While we crave interaction with others, we also feel more susceptible to social threats. Our bodies and minds are not meant to sustain social isolation for long periods of time. Loneliness can increase physical and psychiatric risk factors including, but not limited to: depression, alcoholism, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, high blood pressure, diminished immunity, and decreased sleep.

I am not trying to downplay the severity of this virus, but I am genuinely concerned about the long-term effects this is going to have on us, as social beings. Forget about what everyone else is or isn’t doing; what they should or shouldn’t do. What do you need? What do you want? What do you feel?

Strip away all of the noise, and listen to your inner self. Great leaders look inside and heal their own hearts, before they lead outward to help others heal theirs.

Lorenz Sell wrote a piece on the human Spirit for the Huffington Post and said, “The human spirit offers us the capacity to persevere in pursuit of truth.” He defines truth as “the deepest desire in our heart.” So, the human spirit offers us the capacity to persevere in pursuit of the deepest desire in our heart.

Well, that’s just great. 😒 How is my human spirit supposed to persevere when it has gone into hiding?

The answer: My spirit is not actually hiding, it is taking time to heal.

My little spirit has been persevering through the last, what? 9 months of a global pandemic. It’s like, “I’m tired. Give me some time to re-energize.” And that’s okay. It’s the pause that keeps us alive.

Sells continues, “Not knowing how to move forward, being stuck in limbo. It’s painful and can make the strongest person want to quit.” While, yes, we have vaccines, we are still a long way away from returning to any sort of “normal.” People will be recovering from this pandemic, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, etc. well beyond 2021.

If your spirit needs a break, give it a break. Lean into the sad and melancholy emotions for a while. The only way to get through those negative feelings is to embrace them, so we can move on from them. Some of us may need to stay with the negative emotions longer than others, and that’s okay too. But be mindful of how you care for yourself. If you are going to embrace the sad, do not eat junk food. Eat fresh fruits and vegetables, get exercise, step outside for fresh air. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to cope with a depressed spirit.

Hang in there, friends. 💖

by : lacylit10 Leadership

Empathy.

I have a colleague that made a big mistake.  Because of our roles and responsibilities within the company, I had to pick up the pieces of his fall-out.  And I. was. pissed. about it. 😤 His poor judgment caused me additional stress and hours more of work.  I made damn sure he knew all that I had to do to cover his ass.  If I had to swoop in and rescue him, he was going to learn a lesson out of it.

Now, he’s normally pretty up-to-snuff.  After the dust settled a bit, I asked him how he was doing.  Turns out, he took his mistake pretty hard.  He felt terrible about it, guilty, and embarrassed.  Additionally, he was going through a lot in his personal life.  As we had this conversation, I started to feel like an asshole for coming down on him so hard.  

Emotions dictate our connections with one another, so why do we feel we need to hide them?  

What people do at home feeds back on professional performance and vice versa.  We shouldn’t pretend that it doesn’t.

Paul Zak, Trust Factor

The Cleveland Clinic started a program called Code Lavender. 💜 When a physician or nurse is facing high-stress or burnout (due to a difficult patient or death), they wear a lavender bracelet.  The bracelet alerts their colleagues that they are emotionally fragile and to treat them with care.  This is similar to the emotion chart that I’ve seen on the internet that teachers do with their students.  Based on how the child is feeling, the teacher welcomes them into the classroom with a fist bump, a high-five, a hug – or whatever.  

Wouldn’t it be nice to know what people are feeling and base our interactions with them knowing this information prior to engagement?  

I want us to individually be successful, so we can collectively be successful.  Had I of known the burden my colleague was carrying that led to his error in judgement, I would have approached the situation more empathetically.  Had he of expressed the burden he was carrying prior; he could have leaned on me for additional support.  That is caring.  That is a relationship.  That is teamwork.

I 💯 believe in setting expectations upfront.  I like to be well-equipped with pertinent information, so that I can bring the most value possible.  If I ask you to take water samples for me, I’m going to provide you with all the information necessary to perform the task.  Why wouldn’t we supply someone with the emotional information necessary to build the relationship?  It doesn’t even matter if that relationship is personal or professional.  All professional relationships are personal to some extent.

Emotions are a valuable information flow that leaders ignore at their peril.

Paul Zak, Trust Factor

Oftentimes, mistakes get made when we are emotionally challenged.  We are distracted by what we feel that we lose focus on tasks at hand.  This is natural human behavior.  Even those who are able to separate logic from emotion are affected to some degree. Neither is for better or worse, depending on how you look at it.

Empathy is understanding how someone feels.  Compassion is relieving some of the burden.  And more often than not, relieving some of the burden is just providing an ear to listen.

Though we have work-related communication almost daily, I’ve since made a more conscious effort to talk to this colleague about life in general more regularly.  Having a better understanding of who he is outside of work helps builds a better relationship inside of work.