by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Spirit.

If you remember, melancholy is defined as a “sadness or depression of mind or spirit.” As we are well. over. 6 months into this pandemic, melancholy seems to still accurately describe my mood. I feel like my spirit is curled up in the fetal position, tucked away in a small corner of my heart. It’s gone into hibernation through this pandemic, and I am consciously sad that my spirit is depressed.

Regardless of political beliefs, the fact is that our government is dictating what we can do, how we can do it, and with whom we can associate. People need people, and we are literally being told to stay away from each other. If we look at the 3 dimensions of loneliness in a pie graph, we need connection with those in our intimate, relational, and collective spaces in order to feel whole. But our relational and collective spaces have been pushed into non-existence, we are only getting a small sliver of the connection we need.

Research has found that one does not voluntarily become lonely. When we feel on the verge (or in the midst) of social isolation, it increases our motivation to connect with others while also increasing our motivation to go into self-preservation. In other words, isolation makes us feel vulnerable. While we crave interaction with others, we also feel more susceptible to social threats. Our bodies and minds are not meant to sustain social isolation for long periods of time. Loneliness can increase physical and psychiatric risk factors including, but not limited to: depression, alcoholism, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, high blood pressure, diminished immunity, and decreased sleep.

I am not trying to downplay the severity of this virus, but I am genuinely concerned about the long-term effects this is going to have on us, as social beings. Forget about what everyone else is or isn’t doing; what they should or shouldn’t do. What do you need? What do you want? What do you feel?

Strip away all of the noise, and listen to your inner self. Great leaders look inside and heal their own hearts, before they lead outward to help others heal theirs.

Lorenz Sell wrote a piece on the human Spirit for the Huffington Post and said, “The human spirit offers us the capacity to persevere in pursuit of truth.” He defines truth as “the deepest desire in our heart.” So, the human spirit offers us the capacity to persevere in pursuit of the deepest desire in our heart.

Well, that’s just great. 😒 How is my human spirit supposed to persevere when it has gone into hiding?

The answer: My spirit is not actually hiding, it is taking time to heal.

My little spirit has been persevering through the last, what? 9 months of a global pandemic. It’s like, “I’m tired. Give me some time to re-energize.” And that’s okay. It’s the pause that keeps us alive.

Sells continues, “Not knowing how to move forward, being stuck in limbo. It’s painful and can make the strongest person want to quit.” While, yes, we have vaccines, we are still a long way away from returning to any sort of “normal.” People will be recovering from this pandemic, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, etc. well beyond 2021.

If your spirit needs a break, give it a break. Lean into the sad and melancholy emotions for a while. The only way to get through those negative feelings is to embrace them, so we can move on from them. Some of us may need to stay with the negative emotions longer than others, and that’s okay too. But be mindful of how you care for yourself. If you are going to embrace the sad, do not eat junk food. Eat fresh fruits and vegetables, get exercise, step outside for fresh air. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to cope with a depressed spirit.

Hang in there, friends. 💖

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Melancholy.

Melancholy is defined as a “depression of spirits” or a “pensive mood.”  I want to focus on the former definition, because I feel like that’s exactly what we’re experiencing as humans right now.  At least, I am.

In Brené Brown’s new podcast, she talks with David Kessler on grief and finding meaning.  Kessler says that grief comes after loss.  That loss can be anything of significance to the individual.  He points out that during this pandemic, we could list a 100 different things that we have lost: our social lives, our ability to converge in public, physical touch (as simple as a handshake), and the big one: the world as we knew it.

The world as we knew it no longer exists.  That. Is. HUGE. 🤯  And he is right.  It no longer exists and will not exist as we knew it for the foreseeable future, if ever.  You guys. 😳 That is some heavy stuff to take in.

If we breakdown the definition of melancholy:

  • Depression = sadness
  • Spirit = temper, disposition, or essence

This makes so. much. sense. to me.  I’ll explain why in a minute.

But first, on COVID:

Some of us haven’t bought into the hype. Some of us think this is media manipulation and a ploy to take down Trump’s economy.  On the other hand, some of us truly believe in the dangers and efforts to prevent.  Some of us are genuinely concerned about the risk.  And there are some of us that fall somewhere in the middle. 

No matter where you stand on the COVID belief scale, all of us are making an effort to do what we feel in our hearts is right.  Whether that is going to the grocery store without a mask or putting on a hazmat suit to visit the doctor’s office, each of us is navigating through this in our own way.

Outwardly, we are putting on brave faces.  We are being strong for those around us.  We are trying to lift each other up.  No matter our beliefs on COVID, we are trying to protect each other as a community, as we individually see fit.  But inwardly, we are mourning the loss of the world as we knew it. 

The positivity that is emitting from this pandemic has surprised me.  While I think it’s amazing the way people are coming together to spread joy and appreciation, part of me is concerned that we are masking our grief and not coping with our losses.  But I’m not judging that either.  I think so many of us are merely just trying to get through this thing with some sanity.

In the meantime, we are living in purgatory.  We are trying to lift others up, because we are feeling down.  We are trying to bring happiness to others, because our spirits are sad. 

We can only put on a brave face for so long, so give yourself permission to feel what you feel.  The sooner we own it and feel it, the quicker we can work through it.  We get through purgatory by cleansing our souls of the impurities.  Indulge in self-care, friends.  Lord knows we need it, and we’ve earned it. 💖

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Let Me Be.

I’ve had a rough week. And when I say week, I mean 3 months.

As I mentioned, there’s been a lot of little bad things that have piled up and a few big bad things. Don’t freak out, these things aren’t life or death bad things. But in my little world, they are a big deal. And here’s what I’m tired of people telling me:

  • “It’s not a big deal.”
  • “Don’t let it get to you.”
  • “Just let it go.”
  • “Tomorrow is another day.”
  • “Everything will be fine.”

You get the picture. Then today, I was scrolling through Instagram and came across a caption: “Happiness is a choice.”

Okay. 😒 I’ve had about enough.

Sometimes, I just need to be pissed off. Sometimes, I just need to be sad. Sometimes, I just need to hurt. The best way for me to get through my emotions is to fully feel them, own them, and work through them. Only then will I truly get over them.

I know tomorrow is another day. I know I need to let it go. I know everything will be fine. …. eventually. But sometimes, the feelings are too deep to let go so easily.

I listened to “mood booster” music every single day this week, and I still came home in tears the past two days. A person can only carry so much weight before they begin to crumble. That is life. It happens to all of us.

I was talking to a friend today, and I said, “You know what the worst part of all of this is? And I say worst part, because it’s actually the best part, and I hate that I even recognize it as the best part. It’s a learning experience. I fully recognize that through all this bad, there is good. And it frustrates me even more that I’m not blissfully unaware. That I’m actually thankful to have come out of all of this better.”

And you know what? After I said it, I actually felt better. I literally felt the past 3 months worth of crap start to slip away. And tomorrow? I’m going off-grid. I’m going to my happy place to give my heart and soul time to heal.

Everyone fights their own battles. What may be mountains to one may be mole hills to another. But mole hills can also make a foundation weak. Not all things are as they seem, and not all timelines are the same.

All of the comments from the beginning of this post are essentially polite ways of telling me to “get over it.” Some things you get over, other things you get through. The key is knowing which and reacting accordingly.