by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Present, Mindful, and Intentional.

There are six posts sitting in my drafts that I’ve written since my last published post just over a month ago. Meaning: my thoughts are all over the place. Israel is at war. Taylor Swift is in another relationship. Matthew Perry died. Newsom went to China. Britney Spears released her memoir. There was a mass shooting and manhunt in Maine.

What a time to be alive. And I’m only saying that half sarcastically.

Things in my life are moving a bit slower than what appears to be happening in the outside world. While I still have stresses, it’s been quite refreshing to take time off. It feels like everything I’ve learned about myself and about others is settling in. I don’t need so much time to sit back and process things, as I feel like I’m actually living more moment to moment. Which is kind of surreal.

It’s the ultimate, right? To be present and mindful. I can be more intentional about where I exert my energy, because I don’t have a job essentially guaranteed to consume it. But I miss working. I miss the purpose and fulfillment it brings. I miss interacting with others. I miss feeling accomplished each day. And while I do have a few exciting things in the works, I miss the structure and routine of a daily role.

When I quit my job, I said it felt like I was breaking, like the rug was pulled out from beneath me and I fell to the floor. Someone said to me that I was basically being dramatic, and that simply one chapter was closing for another to open.

I actually think both are true.

The job I left was the job I had been working years toward obtaining. The more knowledge I sought, the more experience I gained, the more confident I got, the more eager I became. Through the progression, I was aware that I was fulfilling my potential and I wanted to see where it could take me. But I don’t see leaving as a failure.

We hear of CEO’s quitting their positions and starting something new all the time. They want more time, with their families, for extracurricular activities. They want more flexibility in their schedule, more freedom. But we never see them in the in-between stage. We see them as the CEO; they seemingly disappear, then we see them confidently and excitedly promoting their next venture as an entrepreneur. We don’t see the transition phase of leaving one and starting the other. And I wish we would/could.

This phase is hard. In many ways, you are starting over. On the other hand, in many ways, you are not. You are grieving the life you had planned. You are excited and scared. Uncertain, yet confident. You have to be very intentional with who you lean on for support. You learn who truly cares about you and believes in you, and that comes with a whole other set of emotions when you realize who does not. Who is talk, and who is action.

Over the last couple of years, I’ve written several times about feeling on the verge of big changes. (Mastered. Branding. Precipice. Transformational Change.) This one feels different. I can’t explain it. And I don’t know that I want to. At least, right now. I kinda just want to take it in. I want to feel all of the emotions that are coming with it.

There is so much going on in the outside world, and I am feeling quite grateful that I’m not being consumed by the fast-paced-ness of it all. I think my body is getting some much needed rest to prepare me for what is to come.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Transformational Change.

Transformational change completely reshapes an organization. It can be strategic such as a change in leadership due to a merger or acquisition. It can be due to innovative technologies that drastically change processes, or it can be due to adding or eliminating a product or market. Although transformational change is generally positive, it can instill fear, doubt, and insecurity among employees. 

There are 4 stages of transformational change, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they are similar to the 5 stages of grief outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler.

ChangeGrief
DenialDenial
ResistanceAnger
ExplorationBargaining
CommitmentDepression
Acceptance

Back in 2020, I wrote that I was undergoing a transformation. Over the past few weeks, I have been emotional, feeling the same uneasiness, restlessness, hope, motivation, and inspiration that I felt then. Just a few months after I wrote that post, I started my master’s degree (which, I feel, has in large part led to my current feelings of transformational change). 

Emotions are stirring deep within my heart and soul. I am on a precipice. But with that anticipation and excitement, I have been grieving the professional future I had planned for myself. I am coming to terms with some things in my personal life that I have been resisting for years, and I am bargaining for some sort of stability and comfort with all of this change. At the same time, I am exploring changing my career and moving out of the area. All while trying not to get down on myself and remain positive about who I am, what I offer, and what I can do.

In short: I am feeling all. of. the. things.

When advancing your career, there are often parts of you that you have to leave behind in order to grow and move forward. Life is the same way. I will be leaving parts of me behind when I make my next move(s), and I feel like I am grieving those things now.

While some experts argue that anticipatory grief doesn’t do you any good, others believe that it does help with post-loss grief. Personally, I feel (or am choosing to believe) that my anticipatory grief is making room for the excitement that comes along with something new.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Branding.

With the rise of social media, personal branding has become a thing. For awhile, I fell into this branding trap. In promoting agriculture, I became “Lacy Litten – Female Farmer.” It was a brand I was happy to have and promote. But I am not a brand, I am a human being who is constantly changing. Maintaining this Female Farmer brand started to become hard. The mold I created for myself began to crack.

But branding is really nothing new. During adolescence, I went through all the phases: country, surfer, punk – you name it. As I look back, I don’t see these phases as “trying them on for size.” I see them as reflections of emotional expression; a girl trying to find her place in the world, being influenced by movies, TV shows, books, friends, trends, environment, society, school, etc. These phases have given me a colorful life, full of perspective.

Branding is what we do; it is how we identify. Woman. Hunter. Homeowner. Mother. Gardener. Leader. Sister. These labels tell people who we are. It is often not intentionally done, but it becomes emphasized and embraced as we fully live these phases of life. As. We. Should.

A lot of life gets lived during each of these branded phases. They are only considered a phase, because a significant period of time can be reduced to a single identifier: college, marriage, career, childhood. None of these phases are defined solely by education, spouse, title, or age. We look at those words and know that knowledge, wisdom, and experience accumulated. Yet, we seem to judge people for making “dramatic” decisions, forgetting that those choices are a result of growth from those phases.

In August 2020, I wrote about undergoing a transformation. In October 2020, I started grad school, which I mastered July 2021. And in June 2021, I wrote about feeling on the precipice of change.

In August 2021, I accepted a new job, and all of the puzzle pieces are starting to come together. It’s been interesting to see and hear people’s reactions to the changes in my life. These changes are a result of years of growth. They are not rash decisions, but slow, meaningful, thoughtful, and instinctual moves forward.

When decisions, such as new careers, get made, there are pieces of us that we must leave behind. That’s the excitement of growth: out with the old and in with the new. Taking the wisdom, knowledge, and experiences gained, and applying them to new opportunities.

I don’t know what this next phase of life fully looks like or what brand will appear on the outside, but I am eager to find out.

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Passion.

Merriam-Webster defines passion as an “intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction.”  I don’t really like this definition.  I can have intense feelings of happiness or sadness or anger or any other emotion.  I feel like passion is more encompassing, but I’m not sure of what.  

You always hear motivational and inspirational speakers tell you to “Find your passion.”  Like, what does that even mean? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Why don’t they say “Find what you love?” or “Find what makes you happy?”  What is it about passion that sets it apart?

I’ve had a lot of jobs in a lot of different industries.  But it wasn’t until I started working in farming that I truly began to understand what “find your passion” meant. In the day-to-day, I truly enjoy helping produce a safe and healthy food supply for my family, my community, and beyond.  I can be out walking a field and feel pure happiness, if even just for a moment.  I can submit paperwork and feel pride.  I can learn from an irrigator and feel connection. I can teach leadership and feel helpful.

But there are some days…

There are some days when I personally feel attacked, my role feels attacked, or when I feel my company or industry is being attacked – you wanna talk about intense feelings? 🤬 The anger and frustration can shoot straight through to my core.  Claws come out, and I. am. ready to pull out all. the. guns.  I can go from an extreme of positive emotions to an extreme of negative emotions in a matter of seconds. But the good days by far outweigh the bad days. And even on the bad days, there are few things I’d rather do more.

That. is. passion.

Kevin Hall defines passion as “A willingness to suffer for what you love” – a definition I really like.

But I don’t think passion is something you find. I think passion is like love.  It. finds. you.  When the time is right.  Society puts so much pressure on us to have both within a timeframe it deems “normal.”  As a collective, who is society to set these standards when we consider how many people are in unhappy marriages and unhappy in their careers?  

A “calling” is accompanied by “conviction of divine influence.”

Conviction is referenced in the Merriam-Webster definitions of passion and calling. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Conviction and passion are rooted in belief. Belief is putting trust or confidence in someone or some thing. Put that belief in yourself and your God, and you will find your passion when your passion finds you. It’s ethos, pathos, and logos working together.

All those random jobs I had before farming gave me perspective. Ten years ago, I didn’t have the confidence or the backbone to do what I do today. There’s a reason I found my calling when I did. I don’t think this is my only calling either. I think this is where I am supposed to be at this time in my life. And as I feel myself undergoing transformational change, this phase of life is just a stretch of highway on the journey.

As we learn and we grow, we change. Ten years from now, I can be in a completely different place. We don’t know what life has in store for us. Perhaps we must go through the rough waters until we reach our passion, and at that point it becomes smooth sailing. ⛵️ But not without challenge – just challenge you’re better suited to navigate. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I dunno; I’m learning as I go too!

But what I do know, is that I think most people equate passion with happiness. If we find our passion, we become happier. But there is nothing about suffering that makes one happy. I think passion is a balance between positive and negative emotions; it is contentment.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Compassion.

Remember when I said 2020 would be epic?  I wasn’t really wrong, was I? 🤦🏻‍♀️ But this definitely wasn’t what I had in mind either.  It’s been such an interesting year so far, and we’re only half way through.

Whether I like it or not, I’m finally starting to settle into this “new normal”.  (A term I am also actually coming to hate.)  It’s been an adjustment, that is for. sure.  And really, I don’t have it nearly as bad as a lot of people.  But that’s not to discount the challenges I have faced during this transition; I’ve definitely been fighting some battles.  Still, I can’t help but feel a bit selfish for indulging in my own sorrows.  Brené Brown calls this “comparative suffering.”  

Comparative suffering is when you minimize someone else’s challenges in comparison to your own – or vice versa.  

I think it’s really important to remind ourselves that we are in. the. midst. of a global pandemic!  We all have a right to feel what we feel, as the experience and ripple effects have affected us all so differently.

Epic is defined as “extending beyond the usual or ordinary in size or scope.” I think this qualifies! 😂 There is so. much. happening beyond the usual and out of the ordinary, not just globally and collectively but individually and personally too.

I think the cure for comparative suffering is empathy and compassion.  We may not fully understand the struggles someone else is facing, but we can definitely tap into the struggles we are facing to relate.  And it’s not just about being compassionate with others, it’s also showing compassion to yourself.  

Brené Brown has a great little video on the difference between sympathy and empathy. But it also includes compassion, although it’s not specifically addressed. Here’s how I would describe the differences:

  • Sympathy – “I see you.”
  • Empathy – “I understand you.”
  • Compassion – “I will help you.”

The deer is demonstrating sympathy. The bear demonstrates empathy by looking into himself and reflecting on something that gives him the same feeling. Going into the hole, sitting with the fox, lending an ear, and giving a hug, that is compassion.

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