by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Transformational Change.

Transformational change completely reshapes an organization. It can be strategic such as a change in leadership due to a merger or acquisition. It can be due to innovative technologies that drastically change processes, or it can be due to adding or eliminating a product or market. Although transformational change is generally positive, it can instill fear, doubt, and insecurity among employees. 

There are 4 stages of transformational change, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they are similar to the 5 stages of grief outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler.

ChangeGrief
DenialDenial
ResistanceAnger
ExplorationBargaining
CommitmentDepression
Acceptance

Back in 2020, I wrote that I was undergoing a transformation. Over the past few weeks, I have been emotional, feeling the same uneasiness, restlessness, hope, motivation, and inspiration that I felt then. Just a few months after I wrote that post, I started my master’s degree (which, I feel, has in large part led to my current feelings of transformational change). 

Emotions are stirring deep within my heart and soul. I am on a precipice. But with that anticipation and excitement, I have been grieving the professional future I had planned for myself. I am coming to terms with some things in my personal life that I have been resisting for years, and I am bargaining for some sort of stability and comfort with all of this change. At the same time, I am exploring changing my career and moving out of the area. All while trying not to get down on myself and remain positive about who I am, what I offer, and what I can do.

In short: I am feeling all. of. the. things.

When advancing your career, there are often parts of you that you have to leave behind in order to grow and move forward. Life is the same way. I will be leaving parts of me behind when I make my next move(s), and I feel like I am grieving those things now.

While some experts argue that anticipatory grief doesn’t do you any good, others believe that it does help with post-loss grief. Personally, I feel (or am choosing to believe) that my anticipatory grief is making room for the excitement that comes along with something new.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

All the Things I Have Done.

This morning, I sat in my office, sipped my coffee, and looked around, pondering the thoughts that have been in my head all week and which I wanted to dive into for this post. As I sat there, I thought less about the chaos that happened over the past week and became overwhelmingly grateful. 

There are little reminders of the life I built for myself all throughout the room. The books on the shelves remind me of all the knowledge I’ve accumulated. The photos of my dog remind me that my heart is still healing from the loss. The lanyards and name tags from conferences and expos remind me of meeting incredible people from around the U.S. who are passionate about produce. The jewelry box my cousin made reminds me of the times he used to babysit us. It holds the watch my grandma used to always wear, and it reminds me of her. 

I reflect quite a bit, but it’s usually on individual things, like the conversation I had with my uncle, the op-ed I wrote that was published in the paper, the interactions I had with a colleague, or the behaviors of a family member – all things I thought I would be writing about this morning.

But this room in my house tells a story about my life, and I never really took the time to consider the story as a whole. I mostly just reviewed certain chapters. As I had been reflecting on all the things I could have done, the artifacts in this room show me all the things I. have. done. 

The collection may be of things, but many are meaningful items that represent my uniqueness. From the spiritual (bible verse written on a 3×5 card) to the practical (bills that need to be paid), and from the playful (camera and GoPro) to even the little weird (javelina skull), each represents a different area of my life that brings me joy. (Yes, even the bills. They mean I am financially independent with the luxuries of a roof over my head, electricity, and internet.)

It’s so easy to get caught up in the trap of what we think our lives could have or should have been. It’s also easy to get caught up in the “I wish”-es. It’s hard not to compare or want otherwise for yourself, (past or future), based on the influence of others. 

But we were not meant to follow anyone’s path, except for the one God has planned for us. As I reflect on the journey that got me to this point, I can’t help but be reminded that He knows exactly what He is doing. I am where I am supposed to be, and all the things I have done make me who I am today. And the things that I have done are a great reminder that who I am today has limitless potential for tomorrow.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

All the Things I Could Have Done.

I mentioned it before, but I’m going to mention it again. When I was young, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I just figured you grow up, get married, and have a family. I didn’t give much thought to what I wanted to pursue in school and a career never really crossed my mind. 

I got a boyfriend a couple of years out of high school, and we stayed together for a few years after that. When we broke up, it was like, “Ok, now what?” I had no degree, worked multiple dead-end jobs, was living paycheck to paycheck, and the life that I thought I was going to have failed before it even got started. 

At that point, I picked myself up and began building my own life and didn’t really stop – until now. Now, I’ve reached this plateau. I achieved all the professional goals I set for myself along the way. Again, I’m back questioning, “Now what?”

But that’s another post for another day. On this plateau, I’ve been looking at what’s in front of me and behind me. Today’s post is about reflecting on the journey that led me here, and would I still be on the same plateau if I took a different path?

Recently, I watched the movie Look Both Ways on Netflix. If you haven’t watched it yet, ‼️spoiler alert‼️. It’s about a young girl who is facing possible pregnancy, and we journey through what her life would look like if she was pregnant and if she wasn’t pregnant. By the end of the story, we see that she essentially reaches the same destination but gets there in very different ways.

To be honest, this movie brought me a lot of comfort. Because lately, all I can seem to think about is all the things I could have done. And would I still be in the same place today?

I have a lot of different interests and most ideas, desires, or fears I don’t share with anyone. Partly because when you share things with people, they have an opinion. And I’m really not interested in hearing theirs. 😬 But when you are young and growing up, you need the support of your family. And because you don’t have much life experience, they guide you, tell you, (or fail to guide or tell you) how to get from Point A to Point B. 

You follow the path they put forth, because that’s the safest way, and they know the trail route. But maybe you would prefer to explore. Maybe you want to take a more challenging path to build resilience and create more impactful memories. Maybe you want to see the waterfall, not the ocean. Maybe you want to lead to see where the path takes you, but they choose to continue guiding you.

While these may seem like caring and loving gestures of a supportive family, they are also secure attachment inhibitors. We need to feel supported to explore, reassured and comforted in that exploration, and safe and protected on our journey or if we fall into danger. We need a safety net, not someone encouraging us to never leave the ground.

When I think of all the things I have done, I can’t help but think that, yes, I would be in the same place. Because in certain cases, I did take the roundabout. For a lighthearted example, I rode horses when I was young and got away from it for about 25 years. Here I am today, again riding horses. 

While part of me feels unsettled like I could have done more, the other part of me feels confident I’m supposed to be where I am. Because I did take a challenging path. I did build resilience. I did create impactful memories. In some cases, I saw the waterfall and the ocean, and I did get to take the lead. 

The picture of what I anticipated that explorative path to look like has been influenced by books, movies, and social media. It has been curated by other peoples’ stories and has left me feeling unfulfilled. But when I take the time to truly reflect on the chapters of my life that have been lived, a complete story emerges that reminds me I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Sensitive.

Mornings are my favorite. But there is something about Sunday mornings in particular. I’m not sure if it’s restful peacefulness of a week coming to a close or the calm before an eventful week ahead. Either way, sitting with a warm cup of coffee ☕️ in front of my computer while the sun rises outside my office window – this is my happy place.

It’s a time of reflection and preparation. I type out the thoughts that have been weighing on my mind, more for my own processing than anything else. As with most mornings, it’s hard to narrow my thoughts into a flowable post. Topics that have been swirling in my brain lately evolve around transitions, change, expertise, love, past, connection, friendship, future, goals, and many other things. And I laugh a little, because this is so me. My mind working on a million things at once, trying to make sense of the world around me.

I’m one of those people who “read too much into things.” This was something that I used to be embarrassed and ashamed of. I can’t turn it off, and I can’t change it. I have always been told told “Don’t take it so personally. Get over it. You’re so sensitive. Grow thicker skin.” – and other similar phrases that told me I was weak and different.

It wasn’t until I started really diving into leadership that I realized my sensitivity was a strength and something to embrace. Finally, I didn’t feel so weird. Nuances I noticed that others did not gave me a competitive advantage.

Turns out, high sensitivity is an actual thing. Roughly 20% of the population are highly sensitive people. HSPs have stronger reactions to internal and external activity. Some studies have shown that HSPs have more active mental circuitry and neurochemicals in areas related to decision-making, action-planning, attention, and strong internal experiences, which means I can channel my “focus with precision, make thoughtful choices, and spark rich insights to bring great ideas to the table.” I am wired this way. It’s genetics. I really cannot change it.

I always say little things matter, and my comment is often dismissed by people who more than likely do not register on the HSP scale. But I’m more keen to subtleties than others. If someone shifts in their seat after a comment is made in a meeting, it could mean something. A certain tone or inflection when speaking could mean something. If my heart starts racing while walking by myself, it could mean something. Just because it could mean something, doesn’t mean it always does, but it is worth paying attention to the intuitive feelings and vibes people give.

I’m always trying to understand the why. It’s my own personal search to discover the unspoken language of the world. The more I learn about myself, the more I learn about others. The deeper I dive into emotion, neuroscience, and psychology, the better I understand why I am the way I am and why others are the way the are.

As time passes, the less I believe we should treat others the way we wish to be treated, and more so believe we should treat others the way they wish to be treated. Noticing nuances allows us to cater interactions to the individual, providing opportunity for vulnerability, empathy, and connection to occur.

People obviously recognized my sensitivity, but no one responded to it in a manner that was beneficial to me, and I spent much of my life thinking something was wrong with me. But I don’t blame anyone. A lot of this science didn’t exist when I was young, so we did the best we could. The thing is that when we approach people with an open mind and an open heart, we’re more likely to accept people as. they. are. Every person we encounter has something to teach us. We just have to be willing to learn. 💫

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Precipice.

Awhile back, I was talking to a friend about some things I’m going through. As I’m telling her all of these things, I’m asking, “Why is this my fault? Why do I have to do this? Why is this my problem? Why do I have to be the bigger person?” She flat-out, simply, and calmly replied, “Because you are the problem.”

✋🏼 Wait …….. what?

So many things ran through my brain as I processed, “You are the problem.” In the span of roughly 30 seconds, I felt shock, then anger and defensiveness, followed by a gradual shift to understanding, before accepting and actually feeling calm with this fact resonating. It was amazing how quickly I realized she was right. 🤯

Consider that we operate within systems, whether it be an immediate family system, an extended family system, a work system, department system, friend system, team system, etc. I am not satisfied with the system function. I am not cool with the status quo. I’m not here to settle into complacency. I don’t like how I am being treated. Whatever the situation is, I am the one disrupting the system. Therefore, I am the problem. 😔 

But there’s something strange about understanding this. One one hand, I’m like, of course, I am the problem. 🙄 This is so typical of me to be the one who disrupts the process. The one who challenges. The one who makes light of the issue. I am not one to sit back and keep my mouth shut – which is exactly why I feel I am always faced with the problems. I am the problems! And since I am the problems, I am also the solutions. And there is something empowering about knowing that I have the ability to control the problem. I can influence the system to find a better solution for me.

Easier said than done though. Holy. Shit. Nothing about influencing existing systems to change is easy. While it resonated with me that I am the problems and I am the solutions, the actual doing part is way more complicated.

As the one disrupting the system, I’m taking brunt of the negative reactions from people who are. satisfied. with the system function. It is normal to resist change and push back, so I’m not blaming these people. But I am taking the beating on several different fronts right now. And I get it. I’ve changed. Therefore, the current function of all my systems is being disrupted.

Where I’m at now though is a strange place. You are always most tired before you reach the peak of the mountain. Right now, dealing with the systems dysfunction is making me stronger. I’m building endurance while I take the high road. I am nearing the precipice. And while I am so. very.tired, I am eager and excited to see the view from the top. 🏞

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by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Growth.

I am all for holding people accountable, and I am skeptical of people who change their minds. But we don’t know what we don’t know, until we know. Quite frankly, I live in fear over the things I post online. When and how will it come back to haunt me? Nothing is safe anymore.

It seems that people neglect context. They jump to conclusions. They make immediate judgments and assumptions. And that’s fine, it is natural human behavior. It takes practice to be aware of when we are making judgments and assumptions, then overcome our initial reactive feelings. But it is the second step that is critical in how we interact with each other and form conclusions.

Take the short food safety videos I do on Instagram, as an example. You cannot and should not come to a conclusion on the safety of your food in one 2-3 minute video. Not even a series of 2-3 minute videos can begin to cover the complexity of efforts taken amongst our food supply chain.

But this is exactly what we do. We see a short video or quote or paraphrase, and we base our entire belief on something with just a fragment of information. We take so many things at face value.

But it goes beyond that. If we’re not changing, we’re not learning, and we’re not growing.

I recently saw something online that said “Trying to hurt me by bringing up my past is like trying to rob my old house. I don’t live there anymore.” I am an entirely different person today than I was 10 years ago, and definitely different than the 16 year old I was 20 years ago. So. much. life. has been lived between then and now. Unless I have done something ethically wrong, should I be held accountable for personal decisions made in the past?

We all take our own specific journey, and that includes making our own mistakes and learning our own lessons. We do not know the mental state of a person that led them to make their decisions. We do not know their past and their trauma. (And everyone has trauma no matter how small it may seem to someone who has suffered more severely.)

Today, we pick up our cell phones and record complete strangers for actions without their knowledge and post it on the internet without their permission. What if that person had been abused by their spouse before the angry outburst? We drudge up information from people’s pasts and try to hold them accountable to today’s societal standards, when the environment is completely different. Then when we can’t hold them accountable, we humiliate them and shame them.

This behavior is being normalized and promoted as acceptable. It. is. terrifying. People learn from their mistakes, but we aren’t letting nature take it’s course. Instead, we are taking it into our own hands to ensure that individual is punished by a means that we see fit. We aren’t letting the past that people have learned from stay in the past. We are forcing them to relive what might be painful experiences.

We tell children not to bully each other online or offline, yet, we, as grown ass adults, do exactly what we tell them not to. We ruin people’s lives without context. We ruin people’s lives based on fragments of information. We ruin people’s lives based on past decisions they may be trying to move on from.

I try to be honest with what I post here. I do not know everything. As I say in my intro, some people may consider me an expert in food safety. Yes, I may know a lot more than most people, but I know a hell of a lot less than others. And everyday, I am learning more.

How I handle a food safety crisis today may be different than how I would have handled it 5 years ago. But that doesn’t make how I handled it 5 years ago wrong. Since then I’ve gained knowledge and experience, regulation has changed, and the environment has changed. We all start somewhere. Can I be punished for something today that I did 5 years ago when I acted to the best of my ability given the knowledge and experience I had at that time?

The ability to learn from our mistakes and build upon our experiences is how we grow. Genuinely good people who act poorly without malicious intent should not be so publicly humiliated and shamed for errors in judgement. It’s cruel. And if they are genuinely good people, they’re actions will not go without personal punishment.

You have to be vulnerable enough to share things about yourself to connect with people. We should not attack those with whom we do not relate, because we are not going to connect with everyone. When we do attack those with whom we do not relate, we push them into silence and create our own echo chambers. And we wonder why our society has become so polarized…🤨🤷🏻‍♀️