by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Judgments & Assumptions.

I should have majored in Psychology.  Every time I ponder a subject for a post, I think about how the topic relates back to so many different emotions.  It takes me for.ev.er. to write a post because my thoughts are going a million different directions, and it’s hard to simplify into something you’d want to read.  (This is with the assumption that you actually find what I write interesting…)

For this post, I started thinking about assumptions.  I read somewhere, some place, that our brain compartmentalizes new information with like known information in order to help us process.  (That’s the gist of what I remember.  I read this a long time ago.)  But then I got to thinking about judgments, and why we tend to judge people.

Because I love analyzing and defining: (that’s totally not sarcastic btw):

judg·ment
/ˈjəjmənt/

1. the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

as·sump·tion
/əˈsəm(p)SH(ə)n/

1. a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.

If I had to guess, and I truly mean guess, because I am not educated on the human brain, I would say that we judge someone based on compartmentalized previous information, then we assume that it’s accurate based on that compartmentalized previous information.  You follow?

Then this creates norms.  Norms are social expectations that guide behavior.

For example:

If we see someone with an oversized white t-shirt, sagging baggy jeans, tattoos, and a shaved head with a bandana, I’m going to judge that guy as a gangster and assume this is correct based on prior knowledge.  Then I’m going to alter my behavior based on my fear that gangsters are dangerous.

This is a societal norm because of how gangsters are typically portrayed in media, and in a lot of cases, IRL.  It is not racism; it is not discrimination. However, it is stereotyping which is an entirely different post.  (See, this is what I mean, one thing leads to another!)  This is just how our brains work – to the best of my knowledge.  Again, not formally educated on the subject.

You always hear that people are quick to judge others.  But maybe that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  The bad thing is assuming that judgment is correct.  Judgment is just helping us process what we see.  But just because we perceive it as we judge, that doesn’t mean we should assume it to be true.

Don’t get me wrong, I am t o t a l l y guilty of this. We can make judgments and assumptions based on what we see, but when 90% of the iceberg is below the water line, you have to be open-minded enough to possibly change what you assumed to be true – even if it goes against the norm.

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Expectations.

I had several conversations this week that essentially revolved around expectations.  Each conversation was unique with different circumstances, different personalities, different goals, and different intentions.  So when I said intentions don’t matter, I was kind of lying.  But really, it all depends.

  • In one conversation, we were talking about how a specific person has a reputation of over-promising and under-delivering.  The consistent under-delivery has now become my expectation.  Whether he cannot produce due to intentional or accidental circumstances, it doesn’t matter.  The habit formed has shaped my opinion of him, and I now find him unreliable and untrustworthy.  This will ultimately lead to a dissolution of the relationship, unless he can rebuild his credibility.
  • Another conversation had to do with taking on more responsibility.  I flat out asked, “What is your expectation?”  I want to clearly understand what is expected of me in order to perform to the best of my ability.  I don’t want to become that person who over-promises and under-delivers, because I didn’t understand what the expectation was in the first place. Ultimately, yes, miscommunication and misunderstandings happen.  By trying to sort out those details up front, we can hopefully move forward efficiently and productively.
  • The last conversation had to do with someone who led me to believe something that was not actually fact.  I have a feeling that he did not intentionally lead me to believe false information, but that there was a misunderstanding that never got corrected.  It has since spiraled into something much larger than anticipated, where it’s almost too late to turn back.  But at this point, I’m losing trust in him.  He’s essentially perpetuating the lie by not coming forward with the truth.

I try to be very clear with my expectations. There is an expectation to everything that we do. I like it all laid out up front. I want to know the end goal, and the parameters I have to work within. The more I grow in life and leadership, the more important these expectations have become to me.

Every once in awhile, my dad will ask me to help him with something. He’ll ask me to hold this, then tighten this, then move this, whatever. Then he’ll get frustrated with me, because I’ll inevitably not perform to his expectation. Likely, because with every task I complete, I think I am done helping because that’s all that he asked me to do. But if he had said, “Lacy, can you hold this, while I tighten this, because I want to move this to there…” Clear direction. 🙌 I know exactly what I am in for and what I will be committed to help do. Then we’ll be moving forward with the same expectation, the same goal, ultimately, avoiding an argument.

Sound relatable?

I read a lot of books about management, leadership, and self-development. They essentially all say the same thing: You have to know what you are working toward, individually and collectively, personally and professionally. But it’s also about communication. And that’s a whole different topic, for whole different post, on an entirely different day.

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Good Things.

After I posted about The Little Things, I got to thinking about it. Little things add up to big things when those little things are good habits too.

It’s in our nature to dwell on the negative, but when you take a moment to reflect on the positive, you will find there is so much good in our world. And when you recognize the little good things, it creates big things like gratitude, appreciation, love, and happiness.

They say emotions are contagious like viruses. Do you want to be the flu? No. You want to emit positivity. (Although if I’m being completely honest, I’d kind of love the power to take someone down with the common cold.)

Life has been a little rough for me lately – just a lot of things going on, and a lot of bad little things have been adding up. But I was listening to the radio today, and a commercial for Mountainbrook Church came on. The Pastor was telling a story that basically said, when we battle alone, we will snap. I instantly thought of stripping a screw. Weird, right? But hear me out…

When I strip a screw, it’s usually because I’m not using the tool properly or I’m trying to rush the process. This is exactly what is happening in my life right now. I’m so overwhelmed with all these things going on, that I’m becoming impatient in dealing with the little things. Which means I’m not acting with intent (using the tool properly), and it’s making things worse.

I realized, I’ve kinda just been going through the motions. Luckily, leadership teaches you self-awareness, so I know exactly how to deal. I also need to recognize all the good little things that are happening. They say that what consumes your mind controls your life. So, here’s to making the extra effort to find the good and thinking positively.

by : lacylit10 Leadership

Conflict Resolution.

There is a man that I respect who is very intelligent but typically has bad delivery. He has these great ideas and points to make, but his thoughts are scattered when he speaks and sometimes just listening to him and/or conversations with him are hard to follow. He recognizes this about himself and even pokes fun at himself for it.

I went to a meeting with him, where he vocalized his opinion and literally got laughed at. In a room full of professional adults, this lady legit lol’d during his commentary. 

After the meeting, he said to me, “I said what needed to be said. I don’t really care if they think I’m an idiot.”

That is having courage.

Because he was right. He said what everyone else was too afraid to say. And can they really judge him when he had the guts to vulnerably admit the problem? No. He took one for the team. Everyone else wanted to dance around the issue. And you know why she laughed? Because he called her out on it.

People are so afraid of conflict that they don’t realize they’re creating more of it by not directly addressing the issue head-on.

While conflict is uncomfortable, it needs to be hashed out. Like this man, I’m typically the one who wants to call people out on their bullshit, so we can find solutions. That’s the only way you will truly move forward.

But people have very emotional responses to conflict. I’m not immune to this either. Criticism, negative feedback – these are tough pills to swallow.

I recently approached someone with a problem I was having. He needed to be made aware of a situation, and I was dreading this conversation. I psyched myself out about it before I approached him. I had a lump in my throat. Pretty sure my hands were shaking. I knew exactly how the conversation was going to go down, and it went down worse than I anticipated. I presented him with facts. I had examples. But he got defensive, made excuses, and then completely shut down.

Now, I work in a masculine industry. Feelings don’t belong in farming, right?

WRONG!

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Our feelings drive our behavior, our attitude, and our actions. Do you think he responded the way he did, because he was unfazed by the information? No. I struck a nerve.

And how did I respond to the situation? I. Was. Pissed. This was not an easy conversation for me to start, and he completely dismissed what I had to say. And for as much as I’d like to be completely passive-aggressive in our future encounters, my leadership training has taught me to rise above. (Also, I’m slightly resenting all that training in this instance.)

Conflict is necessary for good communication and in good relationships. We can’t just constantly talk about all that’s great in the world. Look how that’s gone down in social media. People only post the best part of their lives, and we are left feeling inadequate. We become disengaged, self-conscious, and unworthy. Do you want to feel that way in your personal and professional lives too?

There’s a great quote that I’ll paraphrase, because I don’t know who said it, but it goes something like: conflict is not the difference between good and bad but between truth and lies.

Yeah, it sucks to be dismissed or laughed at. But plant the seed. (Farm pun not intended but should definitely be recognized.) You will feel better for making the effort and stating your peace. The truth will come out eventually, and the conflict will no longer be avoidable.

The longer the conflict lingers, the worse off you will be. People go into self-preservation mode and facts become fuzzy. Feelings build. Minor issues become major issues.

We are human; we make mistakes. How you handle conflict is a true test of character. In my examples, one man earned some of my respect while the other lost some. So which do you think I’m inclined to build a better relationship with?

by : lacylit10 Leadership, Life Lessons

Comfort in the Uncomfortable.

In everything I read and learn or have experienced, we connect with people when we are vulnerable. When we share something personal with someone else, all of a sudden, our differences disappear; our arguments dissolve. We no longer see that person as an enemy, but as someone who has struggles, fears, and feelings. That person becomes relatable.

As I enter different phases of my leadership journey, there’s different areas of my life that I’ve been sharing – some more difficult than others. While I’m not necessarily embarrassed by these experiences, some I would just prefer not to vocalize, often times in a room full of people I don’t know very well. It takes courage, and courage is vulnerability.

I once heard that we need to find comfort in the uncomfortable. I was like, yeah, okay. I mean, the concept isn’t a hard one to understand. Jack Canfield explains it well:

If we’re not a little bit uncomfortable every day, we are not growing. All the good stuff is outside our comfort zone.

But I’ve got to be honest, I did not feel that statement until recently.

As I travel down this road, the more I find myself in uncomfortable situations, whether that be public speaking, sharing a personal story, showing up to an event where I don’t know anyone – or whatever it may be. There is consistently new experiences. Which is awesome (and terrifying at the same time), because that means I’m moving forward and growing.

And you know what? It’s actually gotten easier.

I would consider myself a very introverted person. I like my alone time. I like to really think things over. And it takes a lot of energy to go out and network. But after going to an event or a speaking engagement or whatever it may be, I don’t go back to my car and praise Jesus that it’s over (anymore – for the most part). And that my friends, is progress.

But as someone who likes data, I can’t help but wonder if it’s only my perception that makes it seem easier or am I actually becoming more of an extrovert? At work, we talk a lot about SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relatable, and Timely). Not that this was specifically one of my goals, but show me some results that measure improvement. Does this data even exist and how would I find it?

Turns out, I have some data.

I recently took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Assessment. If the Extrovert/Introvert scale ran from left (E) to right (I), I would have expected to be on the far right. But I actually fell closer to the middle. Nearly two years ago (October 2017), I took the DiSC Assessment and scored very, very low in Social Influence.

While these are two different types of personality tests that scientifically wouldn’t hold as legit measurable proof, they’re good enough for me! I don’t necessarily think I’ve become more of an extrovert, I think I’ve just better adapted to “turning it on”.

And I think this is exactly what finding comfort in the uncomfortable means. It’s when the hard things become easier. When you focus more on the benefits than the fear, it makes the uncomfortable a little more bearable.

by : lacylit10 Life Lessons

Leap.

When I first applied for the United Fresh Produce Industry Leadership Class 24, we were asked why we wanted to be part of the program. I essentially said that farmers have a story that needs to be told, and if no one else is going to stand up for what we do, then I want to be the one to do it.

It’s kind of funny, because almost everything I’ve worked for personally and professionally has set me up to be that person. And for as much as I want to be the one out there shouting from the rooftops about how important it is to preserve our farming heritage, it terrifies me to be the one in the spotlight.

Over the past few years, it seems that I had been so focused on doing what felt right in my career and developing my leadership skills that I had slowly broken into that storyteller role and didn’t even realize it. And for as much as I’ve unknowingly embraced it, I’ve consciously been fighting it.

I’m not sure who first said that if your dreams don’t scare you, then they’re not big enough. Well, I have dreams, and they freak me the F out.

I know what I need to do to achieve those dreams, but it’s that first step that has been the hardest. And this is that step. It’s exposing my insecurities in order to face my fears and no longer hiding the things that bring me joy.

So, here’s to taking the leap of faith. Please be kind, my armor is down.