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Happiness.
Philosophers caution against focusing on happiness as the ultimate good in life, and I tend to agree. Happiness is subjective; it’s not a constant. I think we’ve put happiness on this unobtainable pedestal. It’s something that we haven’t actually defined for ourselves as individuals, and we strive for an unrealistic, curated ideal (however it is we perceive that ideal). Basically, we really don’t even know what we are searching for. What we talk about in our culture as happiness is really kind of a revved-up version of happiness. It’s a high-energy [state] — scientists call it a high-arousal positive affect. It’s a feeling, it’s transient, it’s not quality of life, it’s not so…
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Trust.
I once saw a meme that said, “Dating is getting to know someone until you realize you don’t like that person anymore.” I mean, how true is that statement though? 😬 It’s kind of sad when you really think about it. You invest time, energy, and emotion in someone until you ultimately discover that person is not worth your time, energy, and emotion. There are a lot of great things about being single, don’t get me wrong. The freedom is undeniably one of the best aspects of it. But the dating part is hard. First, choosing the person you want to date. Not just anyone will set off the “cascade of hormones and…
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Appreciation.
Life has been an uphill climb lately. And yeah, I’ve been complaining. It’s natural, right? 😬 But I also recognize that you don’t reach a peak of the mountain without first walking through the valley. For the past 4 months, it has literally been one thing after another, and it’s taken me on an emotional roller coaster. There have been essentially 7 significant events that have each taken me down a notch (or several). While I’ve been able to lean on people who care about me for support, there is still something missing that’s left me feeling unfulfilled. So, I’ve been doing what I do: completely analyzing these situations to find the root of what has…
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Avoidance.
We all value the importance of communication, but so many people avoid conversations that make them feel uncomfortable – which doesn’t solve anything. It actually makes everything worse. I’m not going to go into examples here. We all know how it feels when we don’t feel as though we’re being listened to. I tried to have one of these uncomfortable conversations with someone. I told him what I wanted to talk about, and we agreed to have the conversation at a later time when we would both be prepared to do so. But that later discussion never happened. This person invited me to have a seat at the table, then never let me pull up…
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Independent.
I was talking to a friend who asked, “Why would people think that I wouldn’t settle down?” 😬 That, is a loaded question, my friend. While marriage and a family are important to him, he’s been self-reliant and independent for a very long time. He thinks he’s open with information, but he’s actually quite reserved. He tells you what you need to know (logically) and not much more (emotionally). He’s had relationships, but not real meaningful ones. And they’re not meaningful, because he defaults to independent and self-reliant behavior with no emotional vulnerability to build connection. He thinks no one is going to do something as good as he’s going…
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The Bar.
Everyone has an opinion on my love life. And as much as I hate it, I also appreciate that so many people care about me and my happiness. But I get a lot of commentary that needs to be drowned out, mostly, because very few people actually know me truly well enough to have a valid opinion. Many of these comments have to do with my expectations, and that I’ve set the bar too high. Every time I hear one of these comments, it really bothers me. Even when said in a joking manner, it bums me out. 😔 I am so fortunate to have incredible men in my life. From…