We all value the importance of communication, but so many people avoid conversations that make them feel uncomfortable – which doesn’t solve anything. It actually makes everything worse. I’m not going to go into examples here. We all know how it feels when we don’t feel as though we’re being listened to.
I tried to have one of these uncomfortable conversations with someone. I told him what I wanted to talk about, and we agreed to have the conversation at a later time when we would both be prepared to do so. But that later discussion never happened. This person invited me to have a seat at the table, then never let me pull up a chair.
That is such. poor. leadership.
Good leadership doesn’t turn off when you walk out of the office doors. People who embrace leadership, live and breathe it in all aspects of their lives. It becomes part of who they are.
I had two choices in this scenario:
- Push the issue. I could have sought him out and demanded to be heard.
- Let it go. I could accept that if he didn’t even want to hear me out, then it’s likely he wasn’t going to listen even if he did.
You probably know which choice I made. Actually, you probably don’t. This could really go either way. 😂
Here’s what I figured…
This person deliberately avoided this conversation and red flags came out:
🚩 He did not care enough about my discomfort (to set aside his own discomfort)
🚩 He did not value my opinion or perspective (because he refused to hear it)
🚩 He did not respect me as an equal (by not giving me the opportunity to speak)
While I stewed over this for several days, I eventually let it go. (I mean, that’s not entirely true. It still pisses me off to think about it, but I let it go as far as he’s concerned.) What I realized was that if none of those things applied before the conversation, nothing was going to change after the conversation.
As leaders, we must set aside our natural tendencies for the greater well-being of others. He didn’t do that for me. And for as much as I wanted to give this guy a piece of my mind, I knew that ultimately it wasn’t going to do any good. Even if I received an empathetic and compassionate response, it wouldn’t have felt genuine. Because really, it wouldn’t have been. His authentic response was one of avoidance.
Remember when I said I’m starting to see more people in an unfavorable light? This is an example of one of those times. I realized this person wasn’t treating me in a way that I deserve, and I adjusted a new boundary accordingly.
We all have the right to be treated the way we want to be treated. That is 💯 within our power to control. He did what he thought was best for him by avoiding the issue, and I did what was best for me by walking away from it.
While I would like to say an unfortunate and unintended consequence is that our relationship has since taken different shape and suffered because of this, I can’t say I’m all that disappointed. If I’m not going to be cared for, valued, or respected, then I’m not getting much benefit out of the relationship in the first place. And let’s be real, it’s his loss anyway. 😁💁🏻♀️
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